Named and shamed

[Canihavesomemore]

This is v long, apologies! I work in quite a small company, have been there for 3 years. A lady working with me has been there for 5 years. If I was to describe her I would say she is tall, extroverted, moody and at many times overpowering- but good at the technical part of her job.

When I first started I was at a very low point in my life- mid recession,couldn't find a job, broke, marriage on the brink and self confidence and esteem shattered, this girl thrived on my weaknesses and would knock me down by commenting on things like: the girl I replaced was better at the job, rolling her her eyes when I asked a question only she knew the answer to and humiliating by responding to everything with something like: "well this must have been written somewhere, look at the documents and find it don't ask me because you can't be bothered to look"- she was the most qualified to ask and I dreaded speaking to her so much I would have never approached her lightly.

AnywAy couple of years later: I return from maternity leave after 8months and the company has decided to only invest in fresh grads, they all dislike her, dread having to work with her and consider her a bully but too scared to say anything. They r executives, she is manager, senior manager is her boyfriend (whole other story) and I am Junior manager ( proted since i started)

As I have naturally taken on a training and mentoring role I received a surge of complaints from the execs after being back from ML. After a manager from another department broke down into tears on the same week due tO feeling bullied and undermined infront of team. i took it up with the ops director v factually: my past experience, recent complaints and specific occurrences. She said she would investigate and speak to MD.

Most of the company was interviewed (I told them not to worry) and when the md spoke to her today he said: the reason u have not been promoted is u don't have the character we want and proceeded to name and shame verbatim!!!!!

Everyone is horrified, she is shocked (partly I dont think she's aware how she comes across) and I am so upset since I told everyone to trust me it would be handled professionally!! She hasn't been warned or fired so working with her day to day will be v awkward

She told me this at after work drinks tonight, I didn't deny it and said don't think of this as a bad thing but constructive criticism, I admitted all and told her I find her too temperamental to confide in, I dont hate her shes just difficult to work with. She is trying to take it well but obviously ...

Was I wrong to do it in the 1st place? I want to email md about broken trust, should I? What should I say?

Wow I'm really surprised that you're professional trust was broken like that. I would really feel my working relationship was destroyed with the MD. However this reminds me of a situation at work last week where an MD was indiscreet and the other senior staff justified it in that he has a job to do and just wants to get it done and not beat around the bush. I would definitely try and talk to your MD about the situation and say that in future you will have to be guarded about what you say and may have to refrain from giving specific examples when you have problems with the team! I think you also need to prepare the people who have been named and shamed so that they realise they have been "outed", this will no doubt change the working situation for them too.

I feel so betrayed she told one of them so by the end of tonight they will all know (I am home now with DS and im sure the night out will have much to offer) I have now lost credibility with them and lost all trust in an md I really respected

And is there no duty to keep complaints confident? I'm starting to get worked up now

Wow - I have worked with someone like your colleague. Tis very difficult. Eventually she left (first on the list when looking for redundancies). Maybe this lady will now leave - that would be the best outcome.

Being a small company they probably don't have HR, though I don't actually know if there is a legal "duty" to keep names confidential.
But your MD is an idiot to name names, whatever the strict position, for exactly the reasons that you give.

Best outcome is that she leaves in humiliation everyone gets on happily ever after and someone tells the MD he was an idiot.

I think there must be one of her in mist offices. She said that she feels so much damage has been done she didn't think se could redeem herself and is probably going to leave. I'm not sorry for what I did but I feel bad for her now esp since we r all so nice to her socially I can see how she must feel victimized. I will definitely tell md that it was the wrong way to handle it, he probably won't agree and it won't change anything either

I know it might be hard now, but I think what has happened might be a good thing.

The others haven't put in a 'formal' grievance but have approached you to resolve and ultimately 'sort it out. Complaints, when informal like this can't be resolved without speaking to the individual and giving specifics. For example, if I was to sit you down and say 'your telephone manner isn't appropriate, improve it' - you would question what do I say that isn't right? When did I do this? Has there been a customer complaint? You would want evidence and more feedback.

I have a feeling the MD probably started the conversation with her with no intention of giving specifics but because of her personality (defensive perhaps?) she wanted examples and he's has to give them to her and then it's all come out. Not ideal but he should have handled it sensitively.

Speak to your MD first thing on Monday and find out what has happened. If employees approach you about the situation, stand firm that the individual has had to be dealt with accordingly. To a point, I would challenge anyone who feels you've broken their trust as ultimately, what did they come to you for? A moan? A rant? If so, they should have been clearer that what they were telling you was confidential and they didn't want it mentioned.

I would also ensure, even if the lady hasnt had a warning, he at least has a 'letter of concern" on her file that sums up her discussions with the MD and expected behaviour going forward.

The lady will get over it: initial shock, then denial, then resistance (maybe a rant or two) and then eventually she'll accept the feedback and move forward. If she doesn't get to acceptance, she'll resign so it is a win win.

Thanks godisadj what you are saying actually makes a lot of sense. I'll tell the team the same thing. I think practically they, and I have to understand that

Oh dear what a mess. Firstly it's not you who will lose trust its the md who has made a hash of it.

This sort of feedback can be so difficult to hear I expect she is in shock, especially since you are generous enough to say you believe she is unaware of it. How she handles it next can make it better or worse. You and tge others should be professional as normal and it is up to her to make chances.