divorced and working at catholic primary school

[unholymuddle]

I have been offered and accepted my dream job at a catholic school. I am not catholic, this was discussed, I have no problems supporting the ethos. For some while I have been thinking I would like to look at converting. However. I am divorced, this is not something discussed with the school, it didn't really occur to me that as a non catholic it might be an issue. I've since been looking for info on the catholic faith and googling has brought up stories which have made me realise just how much of a biggie this could be. I have to fill in the equal opps monitoring forms. My stomach is churning. New colleagues are lovely but they are going to think I am a sinner and a fraudulent one at that. Should I have said something? I tend to keep off the subject of being a single parent during any applications to be honest, I haven't found it to be a selling point. I wear rings on my left hand, they are big and brash and aren't intended to look like wedding rings I just like my right hand free. I don't know where best to post this, I am really worried.

They need never know. You are "single" for equal ops purposes. Surely it would be discrimination if they treated you differently because you're divorced?

Is your query about what to tell colleagues or what to write on a form? In either situation, I'd say tell the truth. I'm sure a divorcee can convert to Catholicism. If your first marriage wasn't in a Catholic church, I think it won't count as a Catholic marriage anyway.

I don't think most of your colleagues will care TBH. There are all sorts of Catholics and in my experience most of them are moderates who couldn't care less whether other people follow their faith to the letter.
My best friend is a catholic teacher at a Catholic school and I know she wouldn't give a monkey's about it.
You could always get your previous marriage annulled in the eyes of the church if it wasn't in a Catholic church. That's what my dad did when he married converted to Catholicism to get married in a Catholic church.

thanks for the replies! I've had a sleepless night over this.
Yes, I normally put single on the monitoring forms. But single with children is an equal no-no!
nfk I wouldn't lie about it. I am a rubbish liar and I like my colleagues, I couldn't do it. Anyway, it's all small villages round here, you know ...
game I don't think they would care, they seem non judgemental BUT they would have a right to - one or two are older and more traditional. I wish I'd said at the outset now. They did ask if I was miss or mrs (after we'd talked about children) and I said mrs. I should have said then. It honestly didn't occur to me. I worked in a CofE school previously but a town school where all walks of life were represented.
as for annullment, this is where it gets complicated. Marriage was a brief one when I was 20. I had dc much later on, and didn't marry their father. I am pretty much locked out of the pearly gates I think. Oh dear.

Be honest with your colleagues. My dd goes to a Catholic school, her reception teacher has been divorced, divorce is very commom now amongst parents at her school. In this day and age I don't think you have much to worry about to be honest.

At our catholic primary there are a number of staff and parents who are divorced or never married. This is not an issue. Actually the head is very supportive of families and staff going through divorce, as is the priest. They have a support group for children going through life changes and frequently do join school/church things at the weekend. This has been a real help for people suddenly on their own with young children to occupy over the weekend. I think your experience and insight on this issue will be valued.

that is reassuring, thank you both.
I live on my own now, just concentrating on the children. I know it seems naive but it was a bit of a shock to realise that my past could have such negative impact now, tbh.
Shoud I let the head teacher know my circs or should I just continue and respond honestly if asked? I am a good teacher, and try to be a good person.

I would just be honest if asked or the conversation naturally gets onto the subject. Please don't view your experiences as somehow shameful. They are not. It's part of who you are: a good teacher and a good person.

thanks yf! I had actually been quite proud of who I was, having come out of an abusive relationship with nothing and then establishing a home for us, retraining and qualifying. It was only when I started googling catholicism that I came across stories about divorcees being dismissed, and I realised how seriously it is viewed. So yes I did begin to feel ashamed - I will probably take dc in when I go to get classroom ready this summer and now I am feeling a bit odd about that as they are illegitimate.
Also there are some changes I would like to make in school, and change can be unpopular so I guess it gives more to pin dislike on.
from my own point of view although I would like to find out about the faith I don't think I can bear to rake through my murky past and be judged on it. I will therefore do the best I can to support the children's spiritual education without joining the church myself.
I suppose my main concern is that the head is new and v nice and I don't want him to get any flack for (unwittingly) appointing a reprobate!

Please don't worry about this, you will not be the only one. At our RC school Ms X has just gone on maternity leave, and Miss Y will be returning in Sept from ml. Prospective staff just have to be 'sympathetic to the school's ethos'.

haha thanks eglantyne!
there is one other non catholic member of staff, she is married though. There are a couple of non catholic ta's. I think it will be OK but I do feel v ignorant. plan to spend the summer looking into it all a bit more and maybe attending mass a few times too.

As a born, raised and lapsed catholic I had to giggle at your name.

I was married by the catholic church (to please my mother!) when I had already had a baby, and they weren't judgemental at all (or didn't seem to be). The people who ran our marriage course were actually really nice. They were quite realistic about problems that occur in marriage (even for catholics!) Talking to someone like that might make you feel better prepared for how to answer if your school ever raised it?

Please don't let the catholics (or your internalised view of them) make you feel like a reprobate though! I have done this all my adult life and hate the way catholicism makes everyone feel so guilty about what are such normal things now. You have obviously moved forward really positively with your life and shouldn't feel in any way ashamed of your divorce.

thank you all for being so lovely!
I will go with my instinct, which is that it is a super, inclusive school, and forget all my panic googling!
I married to please my mother too, pp - and she wasn't even religious! My friends are a broad minded cross section of dropouts society and I suppose I lost track of what is conventional along the way.

I am sure it will be fine.

I didn't have a great experience with the catholic church though. My Grand Mother was a staunch catholic and I sometimes attended Mass with her although was never baptised myself. Ex was also a catholic so when we had ds we looked at having him baptised catholic and me with him. They welcomed us with open arms until they heard this was my second marriage (was married and divorced really young the first time) then dropped me like a hot potato . They still wanted ds though! We decided if I wasn't good enough then they couldn't have ds.

I am sure you will be fine though it's not like you're wanting to join them is it? I am sure you're good enough to WORK for them .

There were loads of divorced teachers at my (Catholic) school and most of the teachers also weren't catholics. Don't spend your summer worrying about this. All the parents will care about is that you are a good teacher and that you're prepared to support the ethos of the school. I bet there are a fair few divorcees amongst the parents too.

You are worrying over nothing. I had no idea what the marital status of any of my teachers was. There will be loads of kids at the school whose parents aren't married, or are divorced etc. I find that priests who have a problem with this sort of thing are few and far between these days the majority of them are much more open minded than you might think.

i wouldn't worry i bet there are a number of Mrs/Mr/Miss combinations that aren't married or "living in sin" amongst the staff and as for the parents many of them won't be that devote they will just have gone to church enough to get their DC into the best school. You are Mrs Hollymuddle and you are divorced no big deal, they can't sack you for it, the equal ops form shouldn't have your name on it should be a completely random confidential form. I think you have a very dated view of Catholics, and this is causing you to panic. do the job you are paid for, be happy to join in all the happy clappy bits as appropriate and just be you. The other staff won't judge you, even the priests won't judge you they are too keen to get bums on seats in most catholic churches. If you want to covert then look into it, but don't do it coz you feel that your job is at risk. Enjoy the summer don't go looking into catholicisim over the holiday enjoy the rest and get ready for your new job in September.