I want to do something - work or study with a view to working but no idea at all what to do. Any help please?

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Honestly I have felt this way for a long time now. I used to be a MFL secondary teacher.

I don't want to do that now, and anyway, my qualifications are not recognised here in Germany, I would have to do a course anyway. TBH after 13 years at home with dc I have had enough of kids. I don't know enough english grammar to teach it, I could learn it, but if I taught privately, I would still be stuck at home, and language schools not an option due to my own dc (most require evening lessons, I could realistically only do mornings to early afternoon).

I stopped working when I had my 1st dc, almost 13

We now live in Germany, and I do not feel confident with my German, I am starting lessons tomorrow, so am aiming to rectify that asap. There are a lot of international companies here, and I know many people who don't speak German, but I don't know what they do or how to learn it. I read job adverts and don't even understand them and after so long at home feel totally unemployable.

My dc come home at about 1 o'clock every day, so feel it would have to be part time.

I feel trapped by the school and the language. I really am bored senseless at home and feel really at my limit. I day dream constantly about this but I really am totally blank as to what to do.

How do I even begin to work that out? I am working on the German, as that needs sorting regardless. I am now 42 and feel desperate to do something but I have no idea what or how to find out. I am so keen to get the ball rolling, I feel like I'm at the top of a hill with a giant boulder, just ready to push, but I look all around and I don't know where to push it, so I'm still stood here with my boulder and a sinking feeling. Does that make sense?

Ernest I think you need to sit down and look at your situation more - "work or study with a view to working" sounds like you're planning for a career change. "My dc come home at about 1 o'clock every day, so feel it would have to be part time" does not.

Realistically, you need to start with your German - if you attend a group class you could even ask what other attendees do for a living. Also, get a decent dictionary and start looking at those job adverts again. Try and translate them then ask your German teacher if you've got them right. find out phrases like "job share" "part time", "mornings only", "term time only" so you know what you're looking for in the adverts.

From the other perspective, start looking at what sort of career you would like to do, even if it is self-employed or not coming up in the adverts you're seeing. A book like this may help. Start to look at other child care options. If you found a dream job but have to work afternoons, could you use a childminder / after school club - do they even exist in Germany? You don't mention a DH / DP. could they amend their hours / do childcare if you had a job which required evening working?

Hi, thanks for the reply. I did try a course with a class, but it didn't work for me (my language is a weird mix of advanced and beginner, as I have learnt through speaking, just day to day life, but both the grammar, so make fundamental mistakes) which is why I am trying now private lessons. The people in the class were mainly people over on a course for x weeks or months, mainly teenagers or young adults then going back to spain after a language holiday, so nothing in common.

Sorry, by not understanding the ads, I meant english adverts as well as german ones! It's all double dutch to me. I really don't understand a lot of what they're looking for and don't have the experience for any of them.

I have a dh but he works long hours and is much higher paid than I ever would be and in a v. senior position, so while he is supportive, there is no question of him compromising his work for me. I would maintain responsibility for the home and the kids, as well as childcare problems. Childcare would be difficult but I'm assuming doable. I ask myself if it's work it, but then I am really fed up day after day at home. I need a challenge, goals, aspirations, something to do, contact with other people, a sense of achievement.

sorry - if it's worth it, not work it.

ALso re language not sure I was clear. I am a mixture of pretty good,/high level in some respects, but awful grammar, and terrible at writing. So a courses at the same time much too easy and boring, while at the same time I make really basic mistakes. Hence private teacher who can really meet my language needs. AM confident the teacher I have chosen will be able to help me.

Must be a career change as I do not want to teach.

Could not be my own boss, need to go out of my home and meet people.

I preume you wouldnt consider something like cleaning or fruit picking?
It may be easy to get into,and you would pick up some more language,get you outside the house,and you would have something on your German cv.
Or do you live near the airports or tourist areas that may benefit from your English as well as limited German.
Ignore what I have just said if that puts you outside your comfort zone.

Thanks for ideas. I wouldn't do cleaning, because I know it would have no linguistic benefit and I would again be working, spending hours all by myself like I do now. I guess I am lucky in that I do not need to work for the money, but now my youngest is in Kindergarten I am alone everyday until 1 to 4 pm (depending on when dc return) and I am not happy being alone at home for so many hours

I could look at the airport. I went to a job agency once (a few years ago, before dc4) and they asked what can you do - don't know, what do you want to do - don't know, etc etc. I feel like I should have some idea in my head but I don't.

Like I said, I am prepared to study also, but am planless

Sounds like you need a careers book in English!

Are you me?

Ex MFL teacher, recently relocated to Qatar. Don't want to return to teaching MFL. DDs are actually still young enough that I am kept busy at home but have been trying to look to the future.

I did start a beginners course in translation with the eventual aim of taking the exams and becoming a freelance translator - any good for you? I failed to complete it, I started in between DDs 1 and 2, got caught up in two DC under 18 months, and if I'm honest it was a head decision rather than a heart one and I didn't enjoy it.

I'm looking at doing a distance MSc but am a bit wobbly about what, how, where. Is that something that would interest you? Although it wouldn't help with your German or company...

I considered translating, but esp freelance would again be just me at home on my own all day, would have some advantages, in terms of fitting in with kids etc but not sure enough, not sure I would actively enjoy it

I would do an Msc or something (have looked into OU), dh in some way against as thinks I should do any further study in German - our opinions as to my capabilities are quite different!

But anyway, would only do a course if it would be useful in future job. Any I have no idea what that could be ......

How is Qatar? You enjoying it? How long have you been there?

Are you in Germany for good then?

How about really cracking on with the German this year while trying to decide what you might like to do after? Then you might be better placed to try a course in German? I learnt nearly all of my Italian watching tv while I lived there!

Do you have ANY idea of what you might like to do? I'm heading special needs/ psychology way. I think I'd like to be an Ed Psych but a) have no real experience of the role, b) now have no way of shadowing someone and c) the training is horrific. Or a special needs teacher. Wanted to do a Masters in Psychology as at least a step in the right direction for either...

Qatar is, erm, hot. I think I do like it but it will be nice when it cools down a bit and we can actually spend a decent amount of time outside. We've only been here 7 weeks and it's never been below 40°C during the day. Oh, and it would be great if DH hadn't lost his job two weeks after we got here (not his fault at all).

Omg, 40 deg. I couldn't cope with that. T can get really hot here. I have spent many a night sleeping in our cool basement, but it hasn't been that bad. And poor dh job! Wow.

Yes, we are looking at staying here perms fly, so I do need to really get up the German. I have very little contact with people, so not much real language practice.

You're right, it gives me a goal to say this year I will really focus on my German, but I still need a way to fill my days without going insane or spiraling into hopelessness.

No. I don't think I have any idea. What I would like to do, other than I need contact with other adults! But broad brief. I can't ever see me being good enough language wise to just do anything I want.. Maybe that will change.

It's predicted to be 48 tomorrow. That'll be a day inside with the air con...

Could you volunteer? Either in a field you might be interested in or in something completely different just to see if it gives you any ideas? set up some sort of group ( I'm thinking expats because there's a woman out here who's made a business out of an xpat meeting group, or a hobby). I am clutching at straws here, sure you've considered everything!

I understand the need to fill your days. I feel like the grown up part of me is withering away but I don't yet have enough mental space (DDs are 5,4,1 and don't have school places yet...) to do anything taxing.

ErnesttheBavarian - for a minute I thought I'd written that post! That was me six months ago before we moved back to England.

Have you contacted your local VHS? A friend of mine got a job with no experience teaching English to pensioners in the mornings. I also knew someone who worked as a hairdresser. She said half her clients came to her because they wanted to practise their English on her and the other half let her practise her German on them!

Make sure you sign up for an intermediate course at your local college (VHS). That's what I did and it did help fill the time. It's not all aupairs and exchange students there either - I met some fascinating people.

Now if somebody could advise me what job to do.....42 year old MFL teacher, 10 years as SAHM, just returned from Germany.....

Hmmm. MFL teachers who don't want to return. They're everywhere! I've already met another two here.

I don't know much about Germany but in some UK University towns, through gumtree you can find people who, for the price of a coffee, will meet you and chat in x language. You could offer this in English - not quite teaching but more socialising. You could exchange with someone who can help with your German.

Are there British company HQs near you? Can you approach for work experience and find what you like, moving on to German companies when you feel more confident.

What is you MFL language? Does that offer a way in? Tourism? Teaching but in a University - mentoring type jobs? Online stuff?

Good luck!

Hi, thatnks so much for helping me mull this over.

DH told me off for being so negative about it and said I could walk into loads of jobs tomorrow if I wanted to, that I just lack confidence. After 13 years at home I guess he's right about that part, as for the 1st, I don't know about that. Plus, as I said, this would be in addition to all my current home & childcare responsibilities, so I want to really actively enjoy it, I don't want it to be a headache.

So, on that note, sorry to be negative! I feel like I keep coming upon brick walls. The VHS thing doesn't work for me - ours only has evening courses, which I could not teach - I need work during the day. Teaching a bunch of OAP's would be fun and daytime, but no such thing here. I offered at one and they looked at me like I was mad for suggesting it. But there is a home for the elderly down the road, so you know what, maybe I'll be brave this morning and stick my head in and offer it.

The VHS courses for me don't work, I have tried one, and like I said earlier I am in a weird place - I am experienced in languages and have spoken German for a while, so in that respect advanced, but I never learnt through a course from the beginning, so grammar v. basic mistakes. The courses then don't work, they are at the same time way too easy and yet I make too many mistakes and am in some ways too far behind. I tried a lesson last week, and after 1.5 hours of practicing the verb lassen I wanted to scream and jump out of the 4th floor window in boredom and frustration, yet due to other mistakes the teacher suggested I enrol for the level below! There was a course on offer that seemed to match my needs v. well - for people who have lived here a while and speak well but need to learn grammar, but it was early evening a long way away and I just could not make the time :(

I am truly gutted this morning as my wonderful new start private lesson teacher called last night to cancel :( Another brick wall.

I considered volunteering. There was even a volunteer fair in Munich, where loads of different organisations had stalls, and no one wanted me, except a children's home to teach english (which I don't want to do, but in the interests of helping disadvantaged children and doing something I looked into, but obv. those kids are at school too, so they'd need me from say 4 - 7, which is exactly when I CANNOT do anything as I have my own children to care for.

The meeting up to do a language exchange thing over coffee is a great idea, I have put cards up on the noticeboards of the local shops but got no takers.

Feeling crap that my lessons cancelled and am home alone again :(

Once you feel a bit more confident in your German from your private lessons how about going to uni to study something at MA/MSc/diploma level in German?

It would be a different group of people to the temporary language students. Not sure how it works in Germany, but could you look through your local university's courses for inspiration, and try to get a meeting with the course leaders of any you are interested in?

IME in the UK foreign students do not have to have perfect language skills, as long as they are functional.

Update - Thanks for ideas. I enrolled today for a German course at the University which leads to an exam while will allow me to study (any subject) at the university. Foreign students have to pass this exam to be allowed to study there, so it will get my German up, and give me this further study possibility if I so wish.

So that sorts my german and keeps me occupied till say Christmas. Just hope inspiration for next step / a job comes along by then!

I am impressed Ernest! I think it's just the right thing to do, doesn't matter if the oral stuff is too easy and the grammar stuff too hard (although it might it not be); it heads you in the right direction, gives you a specific goal and when you pass it, opens up other possibilities if a job or other interest hasn't come your way before then.

Fancy sorting me out now? Do you know what I've resorted to to keep me from dying of boredom? Teaching myself to knit bloody socks...

When do you start the course?

Knitting socks?! Isn't it too hot for socks. You're not wearing socks with sandals are you?

I start on 5th September, so I have 1 week practice for the 1st time ever of having to get childcare organised as my dc don't start back till 10th & 13 September.

Now if anyone asks what I do, I can say I am studying at the university, rather than mumble Hausfrau :)

Am frantically learning grammar, though I have seen some interesting sites, and yesterday I think I cracked adjectives which have baffled and frustrated me and I've given up on, and in just 1 evening I think I cracked it. Am v. chuffed.

Do you not have to leave Qatar if dh no longer has job? You confident he will get another? You like it enough to want to stay?

Some sort of OU course? Take up sewing? Upholstry?

Yes, it's too hot for socks! I just knew when I packed that I needed something to keep me er, busy seems the wrong word for it but you know what I mean! 4 balls of sock wool and some needles were small, left plenty of room for kids toys in the suitcase and would last me ages. I've knitted one in 8 weeks!

What standard is your grammar? Would some of the school focused language learning sites like languages online help? Or are you stronger than that?

DH's company, thankfully in this instance, were inept and hadn't finalised his residency tying him to the company. So we've been able to commute back to tourist visas which means we can stay for the moment. Yes, I like it enough that he will keep looking for work here - there's certainly more about than in the UK.

If he has a job and we know we can afford it then I think I've decided I'm going to do the preparation for psychology masters course that I was going to do in May in the UK. If he doesn't have a job finalised within the next six weeks then I'll miss the boat on that again which will make me utterly frustrated. Suppose I should be glad I'm having to home school the DDs for the foreseeable...

that'll be fun with the girls

My boys didn't start kindergarten till age 5, so I had them all at home with me, and had my first consistent child free days when dd started nursery - ds1 was 10! 10 whole years of dc at home without respite. hope you don't have to wait that long!

Ernest - that sounds like a good move,

it gets you into the university and you can skulk around a bit -talk to others on your course find out what they are planning to study, if there are any courses that you think might be good for you see if you can take a current student out for coffee, or meet the professor, or just be cheeky and sit at the back of a lecture

I wouldn't dare!

Sorry to butt in! But can I say as a university lecturer that if you were to email me, saying you're enrolled at the university, asking to sit at the back of a couple of my lectures with a view to taking the course, I'd warmly welcome you - after all, it's a way for you to see if the course suits you and for me to see your commitment. You've nothing to lose to try it with any courses which seem of interest (but do be specific as to why you're interested in the course).