Ditched by mummy friends

[ThereBeDragons]

I've been back at work for a while but am increasingly doing longer hours and being quite caught up in things, plus my mum has been unwell and dd has had bouts of nasty bugs (as they all do). I feel increasingly like I've been ditched by my circle of 'mummy' friends that I met on mat leave, they do things without telling me, don't always reply to my texts etc and say some unpleasant things about my little girl sometimes, though this might be me being over sensitive. I just don't have the time to do things every week with them but I don't want to loose the relationships totally - advice please!

Can you e.mail them a schedule of when you are free so they know to plan some get togethers for then. Half of our mummy friends are back at work and we try hard to make sure they are all copied in on e.mail but meeting with all of them can get tricky. Plan some dates for the future and maybe a night out/someones house to allow you all to reconnect without kids around. I am sure they are not cutting you out they prob don't realise you feel that way. As a SAHM I know I am lucky not to have to work but you do end up in a bit of a bubble where you forget about real life and jobs outside your routine.

I found this happened to a few of our 'mummy group' who went back to work ft too. I seemed to avoid the dig's as I work for myself so can be flexible for meet ups with enough notice but the attitude of some towards others made me distance myself from the group as they were simply not too nice people and us all having babies didn't make them any nicer. If they are saying unpleasant things about your little girl and ignoring your texts are they really the kind of friends you want? :(

How old is your DD? Perhaps you could pop along to some clubs/activities with her and meet more likeminded people.

All that matters is you and your little one - is it really worth having these nasty people in your life? Why don't you find something to go to with your daughter at the weekend - you might make other working mummy friends there? Or are there any other mummies where you work?
It's not worth the hassle of chasing people like this, put your energy into doing other things with your daughter and looking for some different friends x

Thanks Candr and OhTheConfusion, trouble is I'm not sure if I'm taking normal mummy scattiness (and god knows I have this too) personally or not. I do try to catch up with them every few weeks but as they all see each other x2week there is no way I can really keep up with things. I only have one day off a week and I do like to see other friends/family too. dd is two, and seems happy and content enough at nursery and with her other little friends but often gets upset when we see this group, I'm not entirely sure why, though she is a quiet person (very unlike her mother) and gets a bit stressed with lots of running around shoutingness. I get that babies in common do not equal other things in common, but they all seem like nice women all in all. I just keep worrying I'm not mumsy enough or something.

Some friends are only friends for a particular time in your life. You don't have to maintain these relationships if they take out more than they give iyswim. There is often a parting of the ways when people start going back to work. Unfortunately some people feel the need to stick with sahms if they are sahms and same with wohms.

Some of the others are sahms and some work part time, but I really love my job and I don't get that vibe from the others, I'm really lucky I guess. You're all right, I should stick to what makes me, and more importantly dd, happy on our special days off together. Thanks everyone.

I understand how it can be, OP. I definitely drifted from my friends after going back to work. But going back to work also gave me some perspective to work out which of them were real friends and which ones more superficial. I now make more of an effort to see the real friends.

FWIW, your little one will all too soon be starting school, and then you have a whole fresh crop of mum friends to meet. And before that you have the nursery kids' 3rd birthday parties. If you have a party and invite other kids from nursery, your DD will get lots of invitations in return, and some of the other mums may become friends. I know it's lonely at the moment, but you have all of this around the corner!

Thanks PoppyWearer, I've not been in town long either which hasn't helped, but we have some lovely friends now and I should just stop worrying. Here's to children's parties (nice quite ones with pictures of animals if dd has her way).

You sound like you are doing just fine and like the others have said so long as you and DD are happy and contented thats all that matters. You will forge stronger child based friendships as your daugher get's older, in the meantime count yourself lucky that your not still meeting up with these 'friends' so often

People who ostracise you, or make you feel somehow inferior are not the type of people you want to be around or moreover your child.
There is SO MUCH holier than thou behaviour in the Mum world, it's just such a shame we can't all be more supportive of each other and understand that people have different lives, different objectives and different goals.

Have you ever thought of starting up a "working mums" coffee group maybe? A few fliers round the town? Meet ups on weekends or evenings? I'd love to meet someone like you who I could identify with. I'm dreading mum and baby groups because I know I will be treated like some evil wench because I'd like to and need to get back into work as soon as possible.

I know it sounds harsh
But so 'em
You don't need people in your life who make you feel this way!
Whether is it deliberate (possible) or more likely just that they have in their head a list of "who meets up" and if someone misses a few they just fall out of that group IYSWIM. It happens.
You have other friends - and you will have work friends - and so really that's fine isn't it?
If there is anyone you feel particularly close to then why not contact them and arrange to meet up one evening - or even invite all of them out.
Soon there will be people at nursery and then school! Loads of new people. Parties here and there you won't stop.
So don't stress this I think it happens a lot and is simply because you aren't "around" like you used to be, rather than anything personal.

SOD em obviously not SO em that makes no sense at all

I've been on mat leave for almost 10months now and in a small way, can't wait to get back to it. I've found the whole mummy thing / Nct bunch a bit hard to stomach at times. I've met done lovely people but collectively, I find the group collective thing a bit like high school days and can't wait to get back to work to get a bit of context. I'm going to find leaving DC very hard and that's the only thing that's making me anxious about returning to work. I don't feel like I will miss the"mummy" lifestyle and "issues". Hope you are feeling okay... The adjustment I imagine is a massive thing.

Life's too short to let people like this get you down. Who knows, maybe they are a bit envious that you have a job you love as well as the joys of parenting. Keep in touch if you want, and if they are good company, but don't be afraid to move on if the friendships have died a natural death

they socialize whilst you're at work,inevitabily you'll drift apart
find some other pals who will accommodate you.maybe other working mums
frankly the my mummy pals sound horrid you're well shot of em