returned to work full time - exhausted and can't cope

[GiantUnderCrackers]

I guess I just need some advice or opinion on my current situation... I work full time (1 day a week from home) as an Events Manager. I manage a team of 3 - there are some team issues at the moment and we are getting super busy. I work long hours for events maybe once a month which isn't too bad. I returned to work in March after maternity leave when my dd was 9 moths old. I am exhausted, by dd has been catching bugs from nursery so I have taken about 8 days so far to look after her. She doesn't sleep well. I am surviving on 5-7 hours a night. I am constantly playing catch up at work and feel like I am pretending to be in control. DH is under a lot of pressure at work and I am doing most of the childcare in non work hours.Noone at work has said anything yet but so far I have covered my tracks ok re my feeling like I am pretending! At home I am doing stupid things like leaving the front door open, scratching the car by accident etc. My DH is getting really annoyed with me being miserable and horrible to be around and getting annoyed with me doing stupid things. I feel am doing everything badly - work, time with dd, time with dh. I keep saying to him I am at breaking point and he says I tell him this every month and it is hormonal. I feel like I am not being listened to. I tell him I can't do it, he says it is hormones, i get annoyed and then just get on with it, then I tell him I can't do it, and on it goes... He says I have to work due to £. The reality is I want to work but full time with a 2.5hr commute each day is killing me. We could survive with me working part time but he isn't willing to lower our standard of living. He is very negative when I ask for help. I feel like I am drowning and I want more time with my dd. He says if I can come up with another option that brings in the same money then he'll look at my suggestion. I am feeling trapped and at breaking point. I need a better balance. This makes dh sound horrible but he is just a bit of a non emotional man about certain things, he is a great dad and when we get on well a lovely man. How can I make this situation better? I am really starting to go to work with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and at the moment I am on the edge of tears all the time..

I feel really for you,I think a 2.5 hour commute is basically a part time job on its own let alone all the paid work and homework you do too including the childcare,no wonder youre feeling stressed.

I dont think anyone goes back to work easily and it does take time and acceptance that things will change so when you think other mums are able to cope the reality is either they took a while getting to that place or they simply have it much easier than you.

Because youve had a few days off with a sick baby i think you probably got on with a lot of household tasks and think that if you were at home a little more you could do that everyday- truth is sahm mums and ptwm have to juggle lots of stuff.

I think youre having a really rough time and are finding it hard to do any one thing to the best of your ability and something has to give and I hope its not your mental health .....could you perhaps see your gp and maybe get a short period signed off work? that might jolt your dh into realising you are finding it a struggle and things might really get bad if you continue to be placed in such stress?.

OP I agree with the previous poster. Something has to give. You are clearly under a huge amount of stress and this is bad news for you, your work, your health, your marriage, and your family. You need to take some time off work due to stress - like the last poster said maybe that will make your DH realise it's not just hormones To be honest your DH sounds totally unreasonable: you come first, not your salary. He has no right to expect you to earn a certain amount just to have a standard of living he wants. if you can live on less, and you will have a better quality of life and not put your health at risk, then it's obvious you should cut your hours.

Good luck.

Yeah listen to me .

Why is your dh allowed to be under pressure and work and take a back seat with responsibilities at home?

Please stand up for yourself. Parity with him at the very least and compassion from him being desired.

at work

Sympathy, I have been there so completely understand. For a couple of years I was like a zombie, but it does get easier, and you definitely do need some help in cleaning etc. Don't do what I did and resort to ready-meals - tehy are full of junk and fat and I out on two stone :-( I am glad now i stuck with it becuase I was abl to requet flexible working from my compnay when the DC went to school, worked term time only from home in a preofessional job, and there was no way I could have found a job like that coming into the job market after a break.

"He does not want to change how you live??!!" Bit late for that, you've had a child together. This won't get easier as your DD gets older and you need to tackle it now.

Some good suggestions on here, show him!

Your DH is the problem here, he sounds incredibly selfish and like he just wants his life to continue as before and for you not to bother him.
Don't snip at him every month just have one conversation where you clearly outline that something has to give, either you buy in more help, he helps out or you work less. Present it as fact not as an emotional plea, his life has not changed at all by the sounds of it.
Stop doing things like laundry and cooking and he will soon notice.
He should be concerned about you being so tired you are crashing the car and leaving the door open not getting cross with you. Does he do the night time shift or leave it all to you?

Thanks for all your posts. After a bit of a meltdown on my part DH has now realised we need to change a few things. I have learnt that I can't be emotional when trying to discuss things with him. I made a list of things that could help the situation - which mainly revolved around work and changes that could help there and it boiled down to a few variations - closer to home, set up own business, ask for more flexibility from current work, a combination of some of the above. My work have been supportive with an additional day working from home. This is a short term solution for 8 weeks as it will cover DH working away from home for a couple of weeks and the run up before and after this. I think sleep is the main issue, when I feel less tired I feel more able to cope. DH is not always home to help, he does help but jut in certain areas. He has said he will try to do more. I'll reassess after the 8 weeks...