who will mind the kids if I work?

[cecece]

I am desperate. I have 3 daughters aged 5, 11 and 15 and I cannot figure out how to ever go to work.

For the last 5 years I have struggled through as follows - first 5 years, we both worked and kid went to daycare, next five years I had my own business working from home, next 5 years took time off to be home with kid #3.
Now that all are in school I need to earn again. I have tried to restart the home business but its not bringing in any money. I am trying to get employment but cannot fathom how I am going to be free to leave my children, summer holidays are upon us and then there will be term time hours.

I dont want to have a full time nanny and be a career mom but I would like to earn something and feel some self esteem. So far I have got a Mondays only minimum wage job. My eldest can watch my younger ones one day a week in the hols and my husband can probably get off early on Monday in term time ( or I can use after-school club if neccy but at min wage thats pretty pointless!)
This job will barely make any financial impact and wont help with my self esteem at all. But how can I do more work? Both with school holidays and then term time?
Everybody else I ask says its a nightmare and they have a juggling act between their parents and in-laws and going part time. I have no parents and my in-laws who live 45 mins away never child mind for us. (If my m-i-l would child mind I could go out and earn 200/day as a software developer - my profession - but instead she shoves £100 in my husbands hand every few months to make us feel like a charity). In any case I am miserable about it. I see myself tied to being a bored housewife for 10 more years and then being too old/out of it to be employable. I am 46 now. I want to be able to give my kids stuff but I cant earn a penny. My husband says he might ask his parents for money for us to go on a holiday. I think I would rather die.

The ONLY solution there seems to be is to be a teacher/school worker. Is that all there is for working women? Either that or get my business to work again, which believe me I am trying to do.
Really I want to cry all the time but thats not going to change anything.

I cant fit an au-pair in our house. I could take a 5 year old to a childminder, but can I take an eleven year old to a child minder?? (every day?!) Do I then leave the 15 year old day in day out at home alone?

My industry is full of men who dont have these issues - its not like I will get an understanding employer - they will just hire the man instead.

Hi there, I work in the local schools on a flexible basis in their kitchens.
The hours are fantastic in that I can be working 10.30 ish till 2.45 ish.
It is a term time position with our council and this means I have every school holiday to be with the children (I am a LP)
It works for me at this time - I used to work in advertising/design and this job, though not creative is helping me earn and still be there for the DC. Good luck. x

If you're looking at potentially earning £200 a day as a developer then you can afford a childminder.
Find someone that will spread the cost of your holiday care across the year so that you don't have tiny bills in term-time and huge ones in the holidays. Yes your 11 yr old could go there and also your 15 yr old could have the option to go if they wanted.
You just need to spend time finding the right childminder who is flexible enough.

If my m-i-l would child mind I could go out and earn 200/day as a software developer - my profession - but instead she shoves £100 in my husbands hand every few months to make us feel like a charity).

If you can earn 200 a day then you should be able to pay for a childminder without too much trouble, but i do see what you mean about what do you do with your older children. It would be weird to leave the older one alone all day i think. Perhaps look for a childminder that will take all three? There must be some around as otherwise how does everyone else manage!?

I sympathise as i am always wondering how the hell to get back to work as well!

Can your software job be done part time?

Thank you for your replies. It is really helping me get a grip.

A software job part time would be ideal. i cant find any though. I dont think they exist! But then yes, I agree, childcare would be fine as I could afford it and it wouldnt be for too long.

Parents of bigger kids... how do you manage them in the hols?

It will be a juggling act with those age gaps so I don't envy you. As others have said a childminder would take the 5 yr old and probably the 11yr old. Perhaps the 11yr old can do after school activities in term time? The 15yr old will be fine for a few hrs after school.

You could look into getting a nanny for the holidays only. An agency would be able to help with this.

In the summer holiday my parents used to split it like this. 2/3 wks off as family holiday time, 2 weeks at a holiday camp (either a day time only local one, PGL or scouting) and 2 weeks at our grandparents. Have you asked your mil if she'd help out during holidays?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I can't find a part time job doing what i do either! Its so hard.

I just called the computer job agency to ask if they 'ever' have part time software jobs and she thought a while and said 'er honestly, I cant remember one'. Oh dear! At least I can rule that out! (Whats your job poopoo?)
But buffyfairy you give me a positive attitude that childcare can be done - which is more than i had this morning!

Im thinking now that I should plan ahead for next summer and just muddle through this summer with my Monday job and perhaps if I could get another morning or two at the supermarket/other.
If I go FT in autumn then I will be eligible for holidays come next summer.
Hey, eldest might even have her own job by then! and 11 year old... i dont know, yes maybe camps or something - still tricky, that inbetween age - but she will be 12 so a bit better than 11 in some ways.
My inlaws will have them for 2 nights, possibly 3, over the hols. a start!

I work full time. Sadly, I don't earn £200 a day & I can afford to pay for either after school club or a childminder to look after mine. During the holidays the DCs go to kids club, granny or a childminder & it is expensive - but I still make a net gain throughout the year.

What about short term/temp contract jobs?

I've pm'd you.

(my jobs top secret and very very cool . . . Honestly! )

yes, there are contract jobs (they are the £200/day ones). Worse with child care though, as they expect your ass to be there if they are paying you all that! No sick child issues please! Hence granny childcare is best.

I did a short one but even then I had to pretend I wasnt pregnant at the interview - i was 2 months!

Cooool job poopoo! Thanks for the pm!

Thanks to all posters here. I guess I've been out of the loop so long I am feeling the panic of how can I possibly juggle work and kids and it is a REAL boost to hear how you all manage, with difficulties too, but you do it, so I could too.

Again, big thanks. I read all your posts very carefully.

P.S. And thanks too to mumsnet annonymity (OK cant spell it) - for letting you hear what your friends dont tell you!

Cecece I work as a software developer - low paid after returning from a 10yr child career break. Like you I have worked from home, which stood me in good stead when I applied for jobs.
My DSs are 10, 5 and 3 (so when I started DS1 was yr5, DS2 was just starting in reception and DS3 I put into a day nursery).

At the moment my job is supposed to be from 8:30 to 5, but my boss lets me work 8:30 to 4:30 with a half hour lunch as this fits in better with my school hours. I drop DS1 and 2 to school breakfast club (free) at 8:10 when it opens, drive to my place of work (with DS3s nursery) drop DS3 off and fly in at 8:30.
After school DS1 and 2 go to the school after school club (£5 a day each). I fly out of work at 4:30 pick up DS3, zoom up to school and get DS1 and 2.

In a years time DS1 will be starting secondary school and DS3 will be starting reception. at the moment I anticipate the following: When I am dropping DS1 and 2 off in the morning I tend to be behind all the secondary school buses. DS1 will walk off to his bus stop when I drop DS2 and 3 to school. DS2 and 3 will continue to do the breakfast and after school club. By the time DS1 gets back on the bus it will be about 4:15ish he will go straight home and wait the 45mins on his own until I get back with DS2 and 3. I look forward to this time as at the moment I am paying nearly £800 a month in full time nursery fees for DS3, just paying afterschool club will be a welcome relief! currently I work to pay childcare just to keep my hand in at the job.

In the holidays at present all 3 DSs will go to a holiday club run by the one of the schools, for 4 weeks, (I have 2 weeks summer holiday with them). However, they only run til age 11. At that age there look like some sport and outwood bound type ones that DS1 would be able to go to. I'm keeping all fliers I get now, so can phone around in a year or two when needed!

Hi I'm a software developer too, so you have my sympathy. I have never heard of a part time developer either. And the contractors tend to work all over the country and go home in the weekends only. And it will be a nightmare fitting term time only.

Have you looked at testing? Our tester team has a lot more females and quite a few part timers. Admittedly they were full time with the company originally.

Hi, I'm a developer and I work part time although I think the employment Market was very different when I started. I think it is difficult to get part time jobs unless you start off full time and then reduce your hours, however I think that if you are prepared to work close to full time then you could apply for a role and then negotiate on the hours.

My dc 12 and 9 go to after school clubs and then in the holidays juggle between annual leave and play schemes etc. I think the oldest will only want to go to play scheme for the next year and then he will probably have to do some days at home alone, but that will be his choice.

I'm not sure if this has helped much except to say that although it isn't always easy to get back to work it isn't impossible, to some extent you have to focus on seeing how you could make things work for you and then try it.

Good luck!

Hi, if you live in an area of reasonable employment, there are companies out there who, after some initial time in the office, would be happy for you to work from home and organise your lunch breaks around taking and collecting the children from school. Look at the smaller software houses who maybe can't pay larger company salaries but tend to be more flexible with working hours. There are always holiday clubs for the two youngest children and if your husband and you split your holiday entitlement, you could cover 8 weeks of the school holidays between you and only need to pay for 4 weeks of childcare. Not the best solution as you never get a holiday together but its only temporary until the older two are able to help you more. I have been a single full-time working mum of an 11 year old for 5 years. I have no immediate family but exP does take DD for 4 weeks in the summer. The rest of the time, I work from home and for 1 week send her to a forest school camp at the local private school. This costs £137.00 and is from 8 - 6pm. She loves it and I think it money well spent. Good luck.

Cecece -

The minimumum wage (supermarket?) stuff does semen bit pointless (sorry!). If you still want to be a software developer you need to find a way back into that career.

Although you have taken some time off in recent years, it shouldnt mean childcare for your DCs should now be all your responsibility. Can you start by thinking of the after school care and school holidays as a shared problem between you and your DH.

You are thinking of all kinds of options for yourself, including forced career change, but the only option you have on the table for him are early Mondays.

I am sure you can work out a solution as others have said, with CMs and kids clubs etc... But I think the first thing is the principle that you both have equal rights to a career and equal responsibility for your DCs.