Baby at conference

[FiveRingsForDinner]

Would really appreciate someone holding my hand through this. I'm alternating between being excited and daunted by the prospect (and the budget airfares keep creeping up..!)

I've been invited to speak at an academic conference in a European Capital when DD is 5 months. My plan would be to attend 2 days out of 5 ( plus maybe the excursion). Hire a local nanny for the session when I'm booked to speak - but keep DD with me at other times in a sling.

I'm panicked about babysitters/funding committees/expense/ stress / travel - but on the other hand it would be good for my PhD CV, and let me build up my experience without leaving DD (which I won't want to do for a while).

Can anyone cone with you? DP, friend or colleague? I'd go for it!

My mum could come - but I'm not sure the extra ££££ airfare is justified....

I'm not convinced about the wisdom of a baby in a sling at a conference. If she starts grizzling you'll need to leave, which will negate the point of going really. Can you not book childcare for the conference times and then spend the free time with your baby?

If you can do it in 2 days then I'd suggest you leave your baby at home overnight, get first flight in, last flight back and enjoy one whole blissful night of undisturbed sleep.

I don't know your field but I think you either take someone with you to care for your baby in the sessions you want to attend or you leave her at home. In my field it would be very unusual to see a baby at a meeting.

I have done it when my 1st child was small but I bought her dad to look after her (they had a lovely time). Now I have more, I would leave at home or not go.

Also if you want to work in this area you will always be "that person who brought her baby into the meeting" when it comes to jobs etc.

I have to say I agree with the posters above. I wouldn't bring a baby to a conference. In my field (a humanities one), we are pretty hard-faced (certainly compared to MN), short maternity leaves are the norm, and it would be very unusual to bring a baby into a session.

Particularly as a PhD student, you want people to see you as a professional, not as somebody with a baby strapped to you. Sorry - this probably sounds harsh, but a lot of good career advice is.

If you can't bring somebody or book more childcare, I'd be inclined just to go to your session, give your paper, and skip the rest of the conference. I am guessing that as it is a 5 day conference, it's not the sort of event where you are expected to go to lots of sessions, or your presence would be missed.

Bringing your mum sounds like the best option. You could share a hotel room, and then you are basically just paying for her flight.

Also meant to add...congratulations on the invitation, and you should definitely go for it. Good to get back in the saddle asap.

I was inclining towards hiring someone local rather than my Mum, on the basis that my mum (while super kind and keen in babysitting) tends to be a worrier. I feared the fussing (esp while roomsharing) would drive me up the wall.... And that it was a high drama, high expense choice for a short stint of childcare....Although I do see the benefit of being able to leave the baby for a longer time in trusted family childcare ..... so maybe I should suck it up.....

I've seen babies in slings at conferences relatively often but tbh they are usually with parents who are both attending.
Personally I find conferences exhausting (if they are good) and don't think I'd get much out of one if I had a child there. And I find the social networking is often more useful than the presentations and I'm not sure how well this would work with a child. And finally ime if you have a child in a sling with you then people tend to talk to you about your child and not your research.

Sorry that sounded really negative.
As I say this does happen reasonably often at my conferences so it must work for some people :)

I agree with snarky. I have frequently seen babies in slings but normally when both parents are there. Conversations will inevitably be focused on the baby. At 5 months they don't sleep all the time, and will be heavy in the sling. Big conferences frequentlynhave crèches. I though about this with each of mine and never did it.

Missing One talk won't change your career. You can always put 'invited to give the talk' on your cv

I think you should go for it.

I would be inclined to get your mum to go and her to sling the baby, returning every two/ three hours so you can feed and check in together. Then encourage her to go out in the evening and enjoy herself - you'll need to research something she'd like in that city in the evening to get her out of your hair. I would think the extra expense will be worth it for peace of mind rather than worrying about a stranger having her, screaming during sessions, pooing on you through the sling etc etc.

Have you checked if there is a crèche at the conference? Some I've been to have them.

I went to a 3 day conference in paris for my 'keep in touch' days when dd was 5mo. Like you had been invited to speak and was v keen.

I went alone (plus breastpump!) And had a great time. I am Very lucky to have a super DH (full time SAHD now), but was relieved to find dd did still remember me when I got back ;-)

Field is physics, btw. Not exactly cuddly - but IME predominantly masculine environments tend to have a more pragmatic approach towards babies/maternity - its a case of just making sure no disruption is caused, rather than needing to be sensitive to others' mothering choices.

My Mum came with me while I was speaking at a smaller conference while on mat leave. That worked quite well. Depends on the Mum I guess, but seems easier than using someone you don't know.

I too have seen academic mothers at conferences with babies but second the comment that these have tended to be with husbands (also attending) in tow. Have you looked into funding to cover your childcare costs? At my university I was told - funnily enough by a physicist colleague - that they offered funds (albeit for academics, not students AFAIK) to cover childcare for attending conferences.

But, don't feel bad if you decide you cannot attend (as said above, don't be shy to put down "invited paper, couldn't attend" on your cv; or if you do, focus on giving your paper and attending at least one social as that's where all the serious networking goes on... Mind you, so long as it isn't one of those dreaded loads-of-parallel-sessions-and-only-8-in-your-room jobs, even just giving a paper can bring you loads of useful exposure to peers.

My mum has kindly offered to come.... Which is very nice of her ..... But am I a bad ungrateful daughter to wince at the prospect of three nights sharing a room.... She is lovely, but a big fusser/worrier.

I guess I need to brood on which is worse: paying £££££ airfare etc & putting my most tolerant face forward to get Dd cared for by family - or having the worry & hassle of recruiting & vetting a local nanny.

Written like that it sounds a no brainier to take my mum (though DH thinks we'd drive each other up the wall & I should just accept the hotel provided nanny).