New job full time plus 4 year old DS starting reception. Gulp!

[Maria2007loveshersleep]

Haven't been on MN for a while but thought I'd come back again to get some of your wise advice & tips... So: after 4 years of part-time / flexible work, I'm starting a new job in the beginning of October which will be full time. I thought I had a part-time option but this was turned down (complicated story / but I don't feel I can pursue it further). They did offer 'flexible working' but I'm not sure yet what this means in practice. This is a job I've worked very hard to get, for years, and it's in a way my dream job (working & training at the same time, for 4 years). So I couldn't be happier. Plus we need the money. BUT....

My DS is an august born child, starting reception in our local state school which we're very happy with. They have staggered entry; he starts Sept.20 & I start work Oct.1. They then offer, differently to most schools, only part time (=9-12) until February & even later perhaps. My DH is able to be more part-time this year so that's good, and he & I have been sharing parenting equally so far. And we've also found a lovely local CM who can cover quite a few hours.

And yet I feel heartbroken that I won't be around more for my DS who I've been very close to (in terms of time, too) over the last 4 years. I also find the super-part time reception entry maddening, as it means he'll have to settle in with the CM PLUS the school, PLUS having me working longer hours than he's used to. I just feel it's a big adjustment & I just feel very emotional. Bottom line: can't believe the years have flown by and my DS is starting reception, and would just like to find a way to have more time with him than it currently feels I'll be able to.

OK reading this it feels I'm being a bit too precious, but I wonder whether you could indulge me & offer any work-life balance tips that have worked for you? Thanks in advance :)

I work full time and have 2 children, the eldest is in reception and the youngest in pre-school. I am also a single parent.

I am lucky in that I am not office based and to extent set my own hours. I agreed with my employers that they would not be too fixed on me working 9-5 so long as the work got done. I drop the children off at 8am and aim to pick them up at 4.30 or so, spend time with them and then log on again in the evening. More often that not my son has an after school club until 4.15 so I am not missing much!

I also work from home one day a week which means I can generally keep on top of the housework, and do the school run once a week. I am scrupulous about hassling the school for advance notice of things like sports day so that I can juggle work commitments around them.

When my October born started school he was shattered and slot a lot after school. There are quite a few children with full time working parents and my children seem pretty ok with it.

It will be fine. I love working. But you do need to be very, very organised. Get stuff ready the night before and don't sweat the small stuff.

Thanks Llareggub. Very very organised is not me, usually, but I suppose I'll get better at it, I'll have to.

What kind of stuff do you get prepared the night before?

I was also going to add, it sounds really great that you're able to be home around 4.30, that's exactly the kind of thing I would have liked but in terms of the way my job is structured, I'll be able to do school runs in the morning, and then will be home in the evening around 5.50 pm most days, and just before 5 one day a week. I hope I can arrange to have one late evening so that then I can come home earlier, about 3.00 pm, one day a week but I suspect that's all the flexibility I'll be able to manage except if they're willing to accept some hours paperwork from home during the week...

Hi Maria, congratulations on the job, I have just started an official full time job as well, I don't know if it is a possibility for you to work through lunch hours and leave a bit earlier?

thanks five (sorry for shortening your name!) I am delighted, in one way, about the training/job. Congratulations also to you on the job!

Yes I'll absolutely work through lunch hours, and still by doing that I'll only be able to leave work at 5 (work about 50 minutes from home). It's a complicated arrangement as it unfortunately involves some travelling during the day too between sites, meaning that the actual hours at work end up being stretched towards evening.

hopefully I'm aiming to do:
1 day seminars (2-9)
1 long evening (arrive home 8 pm)
2 days arriving home just before 6
1 day arriving home 3 pm if I can manage it

Still seems like an awful lot as my DS is only little... :(

Hi maria,
I am in a similar position to you, I am about to start an FT job and my DC2 is starting reception in Sept. I have been around quite a bit although working PT for the last few years and I feel guilty and sad that I won't be able to pick her up from school. However I keep telling myself that the feelings I am having are just like those I had when I went back to work after mat leave, that everyone adapted perfectly well to that and that they will adapt again. Also, if I don't go FT now I will need (financially and professionally) to do it in six months' time, and I'd rather do it when I have the opportunity to do something I really want to do. It sounds as though you have excellent support and have invested loads of time with your DS so far, and of course this new career move will benefit all of you in the long term.

Things to get ready the night before:

• lunch box/ lunch money
• school bag
• extras eg swimming kit, club bits and pieces (prob not an issue in reception)
• the million bits of paper that schools generate that need to be signed and returned
• tomorrow night's dinner (either defrosting or meal decided on and cupboards checked for the necessary components)

Good luck!

Hi Pendulum, thanks for all that you wrote. It's hard with all these transitions- from maternity leave to work / from part-time work to full-time work. And even though kids do of course adapt (as long as childcare arrangements are good etc), in fact it's also the case, sadly, that we as parents and they as children often feel that we need more time together with our children which is not always possible due to commute, job restrictions & the harsh reality of the current job market which makes choices feel far more restricted :(

I feel I will adapt & we will adapt, but I just wish I were able to work part-time which doesn't feel a real option, not from my job's point of view, and not from a financial point of view.

On a practical level, thanks for the tips about preparing things the night before! Very helpful indeed.

It's a long game

The choices you make now will widen your options later. IME it's much easier to achieve flexibility/ PT hours from the inside (if that's what you want in future) when you have already proved your worth to an employer than pitching up as an unknown quantity at an interview and asking for PT hours. It may not be financially viable for you to do fewer hours now but it may well be as you move up the ladder.

Enjoy your new job and remember you are doing a good thing for your family.

Having been a SAHM for 9 years, with a part time evening job and self employed work, last August I took the plunge and went back to work full time. DS2 was just about to start in reception. He went from afternoon nursery at school to having breakfast club, school, after school club. The afterschool club staff were expecting a flagging child but he thrived.
The hardest part for me has been that I haven't been able to do all the little things for him that I did for DS1 -e.g. the school go to church every half term and parents are invited, I miss the odd assembly that they have performed in.
But the DSs have been great about it - even DS1 who has autism has accepted it into his life in a way I wouldn't have thought possible.
Bizarrely enough DS3 will start school not this September but the one after (he just misses the cut off date), DH is convinced he will be too young to do breakfast club and afterschool club when he starts in reception. I have to keep reminding him DS2 was fine (and a month or two younger) .

LittleMissGreen thank you for sharing that, it's really heartening to hear that your DS2 (who was in the same position my DD2 will be in) adjusted so well.

I don't have a 'my child coped so well in similar circumstances' story but I hope I can set your mind at rest to a certain extent. I was very fretful about my lil girl and got a job as a TA at her school to make sure she was being looked after properly. I now feel embarrassed and annoyed at myself that I didn't pursue my own career during those years (am a Psychology grad) but I worked in several schools and I can honestly say the children are genuinely happy for the majority of the day, singing, playing out, listening to stories. Unless they are particularly non-responsive to positive praise (i.e. consistently naughty) they really enjoy Reception xx

I am so glad that I read this post I am sitting here looking at a job description that fits me perfect and I am wondering whether to apply as it is full time :( I have had quality time with my daughter as I have been working part time but really need extra money! I am also starting to panic as my job is sessionally paid so I have no idea how many hours I will gain next academic year. Seems like too good an opportunity to miss.

what does everyone do during holidays?

Peppapigrocks: I imagine people find different solutions during holidays... really depends. what do you have in mind with your question?