how do you do it?

[poolside]

I am in awe of these women who manage to "do it all"... i.e. have a business and a family...

I have been through a rough past 6 months mentally and cannot motivate myself to work on my "business"... I have 2 children (pregnant with third). All I know is that I don't want to end up being solely a home maker (no offence ... just I would like to balance being home maker with my business, or make enough money from my business to warrant getting a nanny..)

I work in an ultra competitive creative field with notoriously low pay. I would like to find new avenues to make money, I would like to be able to be mentally in a position where I am raring to go. It is so hard right now. I guess I am self pitying myself too much and need to stay strong.

If you have any input on how to focus, and any other comments please let me know!

If they 'do it all', they have HELP! I only just managed to carry on working freelance through 3 pregnancies/toddlers because I had DH's support and various aupairs/mother's helps.

Now they're all at school it's easier, but then I don't work during school holidays so I'm v. lucky ...

Totally agree. You can't 'do it all'. Not without help. I have four children aged between 12 yrs and 15 months. I also have a successful career working from home. I work on average 4 hours a day during baby's nap times and then in the evenings.

But I have succumbed to having a cleaner, and my husband is brilliant with the kids (not quite so good around the house but then you can't 'have it all' either !) So if i need a full day at the weekend to get some work cleared he'll take them off for the day. When i'm desperate, he'll get them all sorted in the morning, do the school run etc, then go to work - so that I can be up and working from 6am until about 10.30 when the baby wakes up from his morning nap.

It's a really tough year for me at the moment, but in September the baby starts nursery for two half days (we have no family around to help at all) and that will make a big difference.

So - you may think some working mums can do it all - but not on their own!

I decided to embrace SAHM until youngest was getting free childcare 39 weeks of the year at school. Then I started focussing - couldn't have coped until then.

I couldn't manage it all. My business suffered massively while I stepped back to just be at home, and make decisions from here. When DD was 9 months I went back pt time and actually work from home in the other time.

In order for me to do this, my DP works around my work (both self employed). It means that we never see each other. One of us has DD while the other works. As a result he ends up working overnight a lot, so he is a miserable grumpy sod and we could quite happily throttle each other at least once a week. Obviously I am perfect and in now way get grumpy or unreasonable too .

Its a tight rope balancing act, and due to unforseen circumstances there is no spare money to pay for the help we really do need - cleaner and some childcare.

We are slowly pulling some money back round and hopefully in a few months we will be able to afford some help, or for my poor DP to have a break. He has not had more than one consecutive day off in over 5 years.

It's tough when you're pregnant, too. How many weeks are you?

Just to add, my business is going really well now, but appreciate that you don't want to lose what you've already got, whereas mine I didn't even start up until dd2 was safely in reception.

OP - do you feel trapped because you are pregnant? Don't mean you aren't happy about being pregnant, but it does mean there will need to be a break (even if "just" to give birth!) in the biz which could make the prospect of business developing a bit pointless/seem futile? That is something I feel (not pg but want another).

As an outsider I would ask are you being too hard on yourself? Not sure how old year kids are, but looking after 2.5 is hard enough. Esp if you are running a biz without childcare.

I would echo other posters sentiments that help is generally needed. There are some on this forum that have managed without formal childcare, but I work all day and night as it is...if I had my DS with me I just wouldn't get anything done...

Without wanting to sound patronising, could you not set yourself some small goals for before the birth re your existing work/clients. Then use your 'mat leave' to look around for new avenues? If you bf or even bottle there is a large element of sitting about, a good time to think?

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

By never doing any cleaning and always being hopelessly behind with domestic stuff.

Seriously, it is hard juggling it all, but freelancing is great in lots of ways - can almost always fit work around school assemblies and the like. My DCs are school age and I have 2 full days when they go to a CM before and after school, do short days or juggle with DH the rest of the time. But it is all getting harder now my DC are older and going to bed later - working in the evenings nigh on impossible now.

I also work in a competitive, low paid, creative sector and am finding it tough to get freelance work at the moment - none of the organisations I have worked for in the past have any money. However, my main focus is a full-time funded phd, with funding from one of the research councils. I was hoping that doing this would see me over the worst of the recession, but funding runs out in 2013 and I don't really see it improving by then.

I eased myself into freelancing with a few small jobs while still working part-time for my old employer after mat leave, which was a good way in. And would agree re. not pressuring yourself while pregnant. I only have 2 DC, and maybe going from 2 to 3 is not such a shock, but the world def looked v. different to me after I had number 2 and a decision I made while pregnant might not have been the right one.