Someone come and shake me...

[TrollopDollop]

I need some perspective. I spent many years as a SAHM (until youngest in school) and fell on my feet in that I have a part time (30 hours) job which allows me to work at home once a week and leave early once a week to pick the DCs up from school. The job has potential to become a career if I wish and pays more than my previous 10 year career pre children. Oh and it's local so little travel involved.

However, the school seem to be having a run of " we would like to invite all parents into the school next Tuesday to take part in this wonderful activity which will make your child sad if he is the only one without his parent there' type letters on a friday afternoon. I have managed to wangle sports day off but can't manage an assembly which DS has lines for. I feel crap about it.DS says he doesn't mind but I do.

On top of this I spent the day with my SAHM friend who was regaling me with tales of helping with the PTA/reading in the class/coffee with her mates and I felt really which is stupid because I hated being at home in the last year before I got a job.

I can't do less hours in my job so I am thinking of looking for something part time,preferably term time and school hours only, but I guess it will be a job with less long term prospects.But then again maybe that doesn't matter.Perhaps a case of the grass is always greener.

Ignore school, your child is happy, you like your job. A lot of parents don't go to everything.

It just seems to me like a classic case of "mother's" guilt.

You have found a good job which you seem to enjoy, and some small part of you feels guilty for it.

IMO it would be a shame to give up on what looks like the perfect job.

Of course you cannot be as available as you used to be when a SAHM, and that's ok. You being at work benefits your DCs in different ways.

You have spent a lot of time looking after them full time, you clearly are a great mum, and having a career will never change this.

Stay with the job with prospects now that you're lucky to have found it. You need to think about your future too - soon they'll be old enough to not need you around so much. I know that can also be used as a reason to be there while they are still little too, but you are in a good position at the moment.

I have also been SAHM for 10 years and now feeling that while I like being home I also would like to start building up my career again. But the choices are bewildering - go back to what I was trained in, or retrain in something new...

So the fact that you currently have something that you clearly enjoy and that has the potential to grow is great. Don't fall into the guilt trap. The PTA is a huge time drain and very thankless (but surely you already know that :) ) You can still do reading etc with your own children with your hours and as for coffee with friends, well surely you can build new nn-kid based friendships with some of your new work colleagues. Expand your horizons and enjoy!

sorry; non-kid

Wow it sounds like you have the perfect job. And, being perfectly honest, the woman regaling you with how amazing the PTA and coffee mornings are (!) sounds a bit [jealous] of you !

Or even !

I am a SAHM and hate coffeee mornings and PTAs and have even missed things like assemblies. So shoot me...
You are in a great position. They must be green. I know I would be.

It sounds like you have really landed on your feet with this role. I don't think that we can have it all - no one can, not mothers, not fathers.

It seems like now you need to think more about your future and not so much the immediate reality of your children. Both of my parents worked, one would come to sports day but never assemblies - TBH I think school's have unrealistic expectations of parents. We have responsibilities - to our families, but also to ourselves. As someone else said, pretty soon your children will be more independent, less needing you to come to all these school events. I do think at some point, parents need to begin thinking of themselves and the decades they have left working.

If you have a good prospect now, don't give it up to satisfy short term guilt.

Thank you to you all. Your words were much needed.

You sound like a really good concerned Mum. Don't worry about your job taking you away from school events. I have worked as a TA in primary schools and all the staff cheer the children on, they honestly don't notice the difference, the staff make sure of it, trust them, they really do xx