Feeling tearful at thought going back to work this time next week:(

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

I had dd2 8 months ago and didn't think I would return to work second time around (went back for a year in between ds and dd) but being a SAHM to a challenging toddler and a baby made me realise I need to have a balance. In addition, I've worked hard for my career and have got to a position where I'm well thought of and well paid. Although dh initially wanted me to not go back (he would earn enough to cover us both) after a long discussion, we both decided that me returning part time would be the best for all of us. Work were great and basically let me have whatever I wanted. However, my boss asked me to come back a little earlier than the full entitlement- he didn't pressure me at all but I felt they had been so accommodating that I wanted to oblige.

Now the time has come, I feel miserable and sick. Ds1 didn't understand the concept of me working last time I was so it didn't make any real difference to him. Now he really does (he wails when dh goes to work) and I feel guilty at leaving dd2 earlier than I did with ds1. It's only 3 days a week but I feel terrible - much worse than going back last time.

We have a wonderful lady who will come to look after my two - she has looked after ds since I went back to work the first time and we kept her on on less days during this mat leave so we didn't lose her. If I didn't have her I think I'd be a huge amount worse but I still feel a knot in my stomach every time I think about it.

Oh :( you sound like me. I'm going back sooner with dd than I did wih DS and I'm dreading it. I'm hoping DD won't notice so much as she'll have DS to play with but part of me feels like I'm the best one to look after my two.

To keep me going, I'm planning to reduce my hours again when the kids go to school.

Hey iggly. I'm sure I've come across you somewhere else on here. I'm usually a lurker so maybe that's where though.

Sorry you're in the same boat as me. I don't know why it feels so much worse this time - although I know what you mean about us being the best to look after our dcs. It's like I've found it tough but I'm their mum, how the hell will someone else with much less vested interest cope?! Mind you, maybe that's the key- maybe we have too much vested interest.

I had some idyllic notion that once dd2 came along, all three of us would tappylap to the park everyday and I'd give up work. Now the park bores me rigid and I seem to spend the time trying ds not to get muddy or throw stones in the water not at tbe ducks whilst ensuring whatever dd is snacking on or drinking does not go overboard into the mud.

However, I dropped ds off at his preschool playgroup session this morning for the last time and I went all misty eyed as it will be the last time I do that before he starts his preschool nursery class in the adjoining school in September. He's loved it there and it makes me sad to think I won't see his happy little face running out of the door when I pick him up.

Oh god, now I'm being maudlin. I'm normally such a tough old bird too.

I recognise (and love) your name!

PMSL (sorry) at the park description. I always have lovely visions of us going to the park etc for a lovely day but spend half the time screeching "don't scoot into the other people" or saying no

I was looking at some old pictures of DS when he was 15-18 months. Oh he was so cute and I felt all misty eyed about where all the time had gone glossing over the fact that he slept so badly at night I was permanently knackered

I think whatever choices we make we'd feel guilty. Can't win.

I know. I remember fondly the times when I could chuck ds in the buggy and do a park round trip in an hour. Now it usually is two hours, no hand holding, the obligatory scooting into other people and he never ever walks at the same pace. He is either racing ahead with me lumbering after him or him dragging his feet and me having to sling his grotty scooter over dd's head.

However, he redeeemed himself this evening by saying he wanted 'an extra big cuddle' when I kissed him goodnight.

I think I have maternal schizophrenia.

Maternal schizophrenia is exactly it! DS knows how to melt my heart with his cheeky phrases. They also induce guilt - I still feel guilty that having DD took some of my time away from him, even though he's had DH to take up the slack.

Iggly, I think we've posted on similar threads over the last few months which is why I recognise your nn. Ones about babies with reflux, allergies (dd2 has cmp allergy and reflux) and ones about bonkers toddlers (ds1 is a bit of a handful at times)

Yep I tick all those boxes

Been a tough few months eh?!