How much do you work and what's your childcare arrangement?

[nm123]

DD is 6 months next week which means I'm almost half way through my maternity leave... I'd always hoped to go back to work for 3 days a week and be based at home rather than the office - thinking that DD would go into nursery for 2 days and my mum would have her for the other day. (Even this feels naff me being at home and turfing DD out whilst I work, but there's no way I could focus on work with her around!)

After chatting with my colleagues last week I think it's more likely that whilst I may be able to reduce my hours, I'll likely need to work some hours every day - eg 9-1 every day perhaps. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of not having at least one full day off but it might be my only option... I'm thinking maybe mum would have DD for 2 mornings (ie the equivalent of 1 full day which mum said would be her max) and then she'd do 3 mornings in nursery. I'm wondering whether this might be a lot for DD - ie her being out of the house every morning....

So anyway, just being nosey really - what's your work/childcare pattern?

Richman - why do you feel bad for working?

I went back to work after six months, initially used a nursery full-time, then a nursery for three days and CM and grandparents for the remainder. We've done similar with our second. We've found the combination of nursery and other care works well for ours. I also find that working from home one day a week is a great help for my sanity too (the other days in the office are pretty full on). I don't feel bad about wanting to work - I agree with the other posters who feel a better mum for not being with my children all day every day.

I went back full time when DS was 7 months old. he is in nursery 2 days and with DP 3 days. Its been difficult (DS now 2 years old) - all of us found it hard at first and it took DS ages to get used to nursery - i think being only two days a week made it difficult. it has got easier over time and It probably does make it a better mum being at work but i still feel guilty as hell - especially on days like today when DS was very excited to see all his toys and started playing with his cars only to be told he couldn't play with them...

I guess just because I can't play the "well we need the money card". Without outing myself, DH works in a notoriously well paid sector. I work for a charity, so I earn around 4% of our family income. I cant even play the "well if DH left me I'd need to support myself" card as I couldnt on my current salary (I'd have to get spousal maintenance or a settlement)- not that I think DH and I will split up, but you know what I mean.

I guess because I feel like I'm not directly benefiting DS by working (by paying 50% of the mortgage etc), only myself really.

I went back effectively FT at 4.5months (French ML is better paid but much shorter) but I swung my timetable so a lot of planning and prep was from home and I taught more in this semester than last semester so it was pretty FT from 9 months. We have a live in nanny as both DH and I have early starts (and he gets deployed from time to time, despite being technically shore based), DS is home when I WFH and I much prefer someone who will carry on with our hippy-dippy way of parenting.

@ Frak!

You know, our cm (I might have mentioned she's amazing!) has been using our carrier too. And she did blw do the first time with our DS (and asked to borrow our book on it). And this after 20+ years of childminding.

RichMan - but there are so many other reasons to work beyond earning money, including the role model you give your children (this is something I feel more strongly about since our DD came along). And working for a charity is surely giving something back to society too. So please don't feel guilty

Op- I can identify with the control thing. I gave up my job after having dd1, mainly Because I couldn't cope with the idea of leaving her in childcare, and also I wasn't hugely confident in my ability to cope with juggling work and home. Then when she turned 2, I wanted her to go to nursery anyway, purely for the benefits to her, not because I needed childcare. I was very lucky that an opportunity arose for me to do a one off project in my line of work. I realised that much as I had enjoyed my time at home, I actually found the balance of a work life too even better. I was lucky that I managed to then get a foothold back in the workplace, and by the time ds came along I was working 3 days a week. I took maternity leave this time, returning when ds was almost 8 months, and he went to the same nursery as dd. It all worked out brilliantly. In retrospect the only thing I would change is that I'd have taken ML first time round rather than giving in my notice.

It's normal to feel nervous about handing over to childcare, I guess it's all part of the rocky road of parenting... and what you decide upon may change - and change again. The thing I've done the most is change my mind about how it'll all work best...

im going back in 2 weeks, yikes SO not looking forward to it, furiously playing the lottery in vain...anyhoo i am doing 8-5 monday, tuesday 8-12 weds, 8-2 thursday, we have a nanny for monday tuesday, my huz will do weds and my mum on thursday, im most terrified about leaving her with a stranger monday and tuesday but really pleased she is with family weds onwards. good luck, it sounds great to me - half days

I went back to work after 9 1/2 months mat leave. 4 days a week 8:30 til 5pm, DS was in nursery 3 days and with my Mum one day. Still do this now, works well for all of us DS goes to school in Sept.

Josie- don't stress about the 'stranger' thing. The nanny wont be a stranger for long. And tbh much as I love my mother I am really glad we used a nursery for our childcare. Mum would have probably spoiled the kids rotten.

I felt guilty leaving a 6 month old at nursery the first time round. WIth dc3, I left her without qualms at 3 months.

I work four days a week 9.30-2.30 and one day from 9.30-6.30. Dd1 is at school, dd2 is at a nursery a couple of miles away and dd3 is at a different nursery close to us. (Waiting lists for the baby room mean that they are at different nurseries.) Dd2 adores nursery and sometimes tells me that she is looking forward to her full day because she can be with her friends all day long. Dd3 is well-looked after by the staff and I have never picked her up with a dirty nappy or crying.

I would hate to leave her with relatives because it is harder to get them to follow your own parenting preferences. For example, I know that dd2's nursery won't give her more than one sugary thing a day (she becomes hyper), whereas I know that the PILs would give her sweets and biscuits all day.

richman your reasons for working are as valid as anyone else's. Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise.

We both work full time and have a full time nanny. My children are old now, 10 and 11. The only thing I would change in retrospect was that I wouldn't have used a nursery when they were small babies, I would have used a nanny from the start. Other than that, I think it has worked out fine

I went back to work 3 days a week when dd was 6 months. I am extremely fortunate that my parents are very involved and insisted on looking after her :) then ds came along 15 months later and they has him too. When dd was 3 I took up the free child care in a lovely local nursery and my parents would pick them up from there. Now they are 7 and 8 and at school full time, my parents collect them from school and have them in the holidays. I feel very very lucky that my family have been so involved and adore the children.

Ps I feel guilty all of the time. I now work evenings too 5-11pm over a few evenings which means dh is home. I feel so guilty as I know they want me at home but needs must!

I went back to work when the dcs were about one. I used ft nursery and worked pt and later got aupair to provide the wraparound care which continues now that they are both in ft school.

It works well. The aupair is great for emergencies and babysitting. I hardly ever need to take emergency leave to tend to an ill child.

Full time when DD was 5.5. Nursery for three days and my parents for two days. She will soon be going to nursery full time when she is almost 3.

After having DS I went back 3 days a week after applying for flexible working. After having DD 3 years later I resigned my job and moved to be closer to family, so that they could look after DD. It is much less reliable, but I do work only 1-2 days a week max now and because we have lowered our outgoings we are no worse off. I realised when DS started school that this had been a good decision - they are small for such a short time and once they start school you see lots less of them.

When DD was 6 months I went back three days. DH had her two days and my parents one day. As she got older DH did one day and my parents two days.

Am now on leave with DS (7 months) but will go back three days a week (two from home) in September when he will be 10 months and DD will be three and a bit.

DD will go to preschool three mornings a week and be with my parents two afternoons a week and at her best friends house one afternoon a week (I will have her best friend here for an afternoon on one of my days off).

DS will be with my parents for two days and the third day he will be at home with DH and I fudging it a bit (I will get up early and work at home while DH has him till lunhctime then DH will go to work and work later in the evening while I have DS and just deal with urgent emails/calls).

Went back to work FT when DD was 10mths. Financially was best option plus job I do is hard to really do part time.

I really urge you to try not to judge how you feel now as how you will feel in 6mths about leaving your child. It will change a lot IME.

I'd park the thoughts almost entirely if you can until Oct/ Nov time.

I almost ruined my mat leave by panicing about going back to work, leaving my DD etc way too early.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your leave and time with your baby!

I'm a teacher, so I get to change my hours every year, and over the years have done all the combos you describe.

When my DDs were little, I used to do 3 full days - mon, Tuesday, Friday with the childcare being my parents doing one day and two half days and then my Dd doing two mornings In nursery.

I also did 5 mornings.

Now they're at school, I work school hours (9 to 3) and use breakfast club but not afterschool club (although my dad picks them up once a week).

There are advantages and disadvantages to both systems - I liked doing mornings when my children were little because I felt I had a decent amount of time with them every day - six hours, whereas when you work full days, you only get an hour or so before bed. The downsides are if your child naps in the afternoon, and a lot of baby clubs are held in the mornings, so you may find that you miss out on those.

I have found that using grandparents as the primary carer has worked really well for us. It gives the children a totally different relationship with the grandparents, but be warned, my children ended up seeing more of their grandparents than they did of their father when they were little. It brings a very special closeness and in a way, grandparents become more like parents - so do be warned of that! I wouldn't change it for the world though. I feel my children have benefitted more from their enhanced relationship with their grandparents than they have lost out on me going to work.

If you put her in nursery for more days but shorter time she will get used to it and settle in much faster :)

I work shifts, Baby Goo goes to nursery 2 mornings and 1 full day. I love the nursery and trust them completely.

I am happy with it, and no complaints from baby :)

The weekend work, DH does childcare. I LOVE that, even though sometimes it's a bit stressful for him, because it evens up the parenting so he's as involved as me :)

PS agree with whoever said you will feel differently later on. Your DD is nearly 6 months and is on the cusp of quite a big change.

My DS is now 7 months - at 5 months he couldn't sit, didn't eat anything apart from breastmilk, didn't talk, slept beside me every night, didnt really do that much.

Now he sits at the table with us, claps his hands, babbles, calls me ma-ma, eats whatever we eat by scooping it up with his hands, finds his own dummy in the night, is in his own room, shouts, giggles and plays on his own a lot sitting on the floor. Its a sea change.

By 10 months it will be different again and by a year your DD will be unrecognisable from what she is now.

I work 3 days from 9-4, one from home and two from the office. On my home day I drop my big ones at school and pick them up whilst my youngest goes to nursery. On office days I have an aupair who does drop offs and pick ups for the little one and the big ones go to early and late club. DH drops off one day, I drop the other day and I pick them up at 5.15. On the holidays it is a mix of au pair, day camp, playdates and grandparents.