Don't know whether I'm coming or going (VV LOONG)

[junkcollector]

Perhaps this should have been in the 'Am I having a breakdown?' section but anyway.

I have been working flexibly as a freelancer for about 4 years since DS2 was born. I was thinking of going back to work properly when DS2 started school (which he did last September). My latest (flexible working) contract came to at the end of February

However this year has been an extremely stressful one for me (I'm honestly not making this up):

1. In January my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer (it's not as bad as they first thought and he is just being checked once a year).
2. In February DH was diagnosed with stable angina
3. On my first day off after my contract ended I visited my grandma for a cup of tea. While I was with her she had a stroke, was rushed to hospital and died a week later.
4. On the day of her funeral my DH's angina turned from stable to unstable and he had a heart attack which resulted in him being rushed to hospital and having to have a quadruple heart bypass.... He's on the mend now and will be back at work in Mid July.

Needless to say this has all been very stressful. Luckily DH has been getting sickness pay so financially we're no worse off than we have been at most points during the last 4 years and me being at home has actually been a godsend. However his job is very stressful and he really needs to slow things down so he has been quite keen for me to take on some of the financial burden (fair enough) and has been nagging encouraging me to apply for jobs.

Over the last few weeks I have been applying for jobs and last week I had an interview- I didn't get that job- I cried a lot and bemoaned my careerless, pensionless state, my failure etc etc.

However the same company rang me up last Friday and said that another position had become available and they'd like me to go in a interview for it. I did and got the job. Unfortunately it's full time which I hadn't thought through and now I can't stop crying at the idea of going back to work and my children being in full time childcare/ the juggling/ not being appreciated/ passive aggressive comments from colleagues, working over the holidays etc. We missed having a holiday last year because I got a contract over the summer. Not surprisingly DH is perplexed at the way I'm reacting. I cry when I don't get a job and I cry when I do- I'm perplexed!!

Shall I turn down the job and work on de-stressing, and we'll have to live on what we are at the moment? shall I take the job and miss the kids? Shall I just stop whinging and get on with it.

Help! (and thank you if you managed to trawl through all this, it's epic!)

Take the job. The kids will survive. You will survive. It's okay to be apprehensive, we all are.

You poor thing that's an awful lot to happen in such a short space of time. You need to be kind to yourself whilst you process everything that has happened to your family. Take some time over the bank holiday weekend to think things through.
Do you want the job, would you enjoy it? Can you make a list of the pro and cons of working, the practicalities e.g commute, available childcare in your area, would your new company allow you to work from home somedays, condensed working week etc?

Thank you both. I do sort of want the job, although the money isn't great it's a good move in a different area. I think I will take some time over the weekend and think about it all with a more level head.

You have been through a lot, no wonder your emotions are the way they are. I do empathise with the way you feel!!

However, just a few points:
1 - is this the job you really want, or are you going for it as you were offered it? It is important to go for something you really want to do if you are going to make some sacrifices!
2 - the children will not be in full time childcare, they will be at school! They will only be in childcare for a couple of hours per day? Most children at our children's school do that, at least a few days a week. Maybe your DH could pick up/drop off 1 day a week and so could you?
3 - You could always give it a go and see how it goes - the worse that can happen is that it doesn't work out and you resign!

good luck with it all and let us know how it goes! x

HI. Reading your message I totally feel for you. YOu have really been through the mill. Make sure you are giving yourself time to process everything that has happened. x
I am in a similar situation. i haven't had the awful things which you have happen to me (no this year anyway). However, I last worked full time 2 years ago (I have 2 boys aged 9 and 7). They were with a child minder last time and it worked well. for the last 2 years I have been working in my husbands business part time, school hours with all the holidays off. I have now been offered and accepted a full time job but the closer the start date (June 12) comes the more I am worrying and panicking. I hate the thought of leaving my boys (although they can't wait to start the after school club!). I feel guilty about leaving my husband alone in his business. And I am dreading the thought of handcuffing myself to a corporate company again and having to request permission to leave early to see kids plays etc. But the money is good , I will get lots of benefits and a bit more financial security etc. I have agonised over it for weeks but guess I am just going to have to take the job, see how it goes. If it doesn't work out I will have to leave. I know one thing, that I will make sure every moment I spend with my family counts. I will do my damnedest to make sure they don't feel abandoned by my going back full time. It s no doubt going to be hard, but I have to give it a go.

Take the job - I went back to pretty much full time work (supposed to be 4 days a week but isn't!!) almost 2 yrs ago after an 8 yr career break. It has been fine for the kids, incredibly good for both myself and dh (we have more to talk about) and the only time which I have ever regretted being back at work was yesterday after a month from hell and finally lost my sense of humour - today has arrived though and all is OK again.

It's normal to be apprehensive. Given what you say about how you sort of want the job, I would definitely give it a go. Some of what you say will happen eg "passive agressive comments from colleagues" I didn't completely understand. And you say you didn't get a holiday last year because of your contract, so presumably this year you could plan your annual leave to suit you. And remember, if it doesn't work you might be able to negotiate changed hours more easily once you are in the job. And you don't have to do it forever if you really hate it! Just makes me think of that saying, "You're more likely to regret the things you don't do than the things you do do"- I can be very risk averse and scared of change so I try to repeat this to myself...
I hope your dad and DH stay well now.