going back to work after maternity - bit different

[scater]

Hi All

My daughter was born sleeping in April. I am currently on maternity leave, then have three weeks holiday booked and due to return to work in early July. I am just wondering what happens if I cant emotionally face going back in July. As my mat leave will have finished because I would have taken three weeks annual leave I presume I wouldnt be able to extent my mat leave. Could I get signed off sick?

I am hoping it isnt going to be a problem and I still have four weeks to go but just started to panic about not being emotionally ready to cope.

Thanks.

I would imagine so - are you getting any counselling - if so maybe discuss with them, or maybe make an appointment with your GP and discuss - there is also I think a relevant section on mumnets where you may be able get some support

Talk to your employer and request to extend your maternity leave. You usually have to give 8 weeks notice but it is not mandatory. The alternative if you are not ready to go back is sick leave. Purely as a business decision I would rather have an employee on maternity leave instead of sick (I can claim back most of the cost of SMP but only the SSP part of any occupational sick pay).

A reasonable, compassionate employer is likely to extend your maternity leave in the circumstances without any hassle.

That was the hr answer ^^ the personal one is take the time you need and get lots of support and help. The bereavement boards here, SANDS (I think it's SANDS) and the NCT run a helpline where you can talk to parents who have also lost a child if you feel that would be helpful. I am so sorry for your loss.

Hi scater
My DD died when she was 2 days old on new years eve 2011, and coming back to work has been really hard, although work have been really supportive and have pretty much let me come back at my own pace (unfortunately I pushed myself too hard and have come back too full on before I think I should have done) Having said that, I am pleased that I am back at work because it gives me a focus, and also putting it off longer would have been harder in the long run.
If you don't feel up to returning yet (and it is still very early days), perhaps could you speak to your bosses about maybe going back part time for a while and build back up slowly? You may even be able to extend your maternity leave although they aren't obliged to because it's less than the minimum 8 weeks notice to change your return date. Alternatively, you may well be able to get signed off sick though if niether of the other options are suitable.
In the first instance, can you see your gp to organise some counselling? Secondly, I recommend you speak to your work (HR/boss or someone) to discuss the situation and options - hopefully they would be sympathetic and help you to find a route that suits you best.

Come and find us on the bereavement thread if/when you feel up to it though - the ladies on there have all lost children themselves and are a huge support.

Take care.

Thanks all and so sorry for your loss ellepoo. I have my postnatal check this afternoon so will speak to the doc.

One of the problems is that I am the boss and report directly to chair of trustees so I know the financial implications of any decisions I make.

I appreciate all of your advice.

I am very sorry for your loss.My firstborn was stillborn at term.I took all my Mat leave (it was shorter then) and then a period of sick leave.I asked to go back part time which helped.I had about 7 months off in total,I thought that was the right thing at the time but in hindsight I could maybe have gone back earlier.In the end the fear of going back was actually the problem rather than whhat had happened ,if you see what I mean. As soon as I stepped in the door I felt fine,most people are so nice and everything.Do speak to your GP (mine was fab) and do what is right for you ,there is no right and wrong way.Hugs xxx