AIBU to feel sick at the thought of going back to work full time?

[betterstayanonymous]

I've just got a new job which is fantastic after nearly a year of not-very-successful freelancing since being made redundant. It's great news as we do need the money and I'm really really grateful to have got a job at all during a recession. But, it's full time and I haven't worked more than 3 days a week since my oldest was born 4 years ago. The idea of putting both kids in child care 5 days a week is making me feel terrible, like I'm not doing right by my children if they are going to be looked after by other people more than by their own parents.

When I spoke to my new employers they said the best they could offer is a 9 day fortnight so I will have one day off with them every 2 weeks, which is good, but it means I'll almost never pick up my daughter from school or get to just hang out at baby groups watching my littlest develop. Unfortunately, my husband's job being what it is, he can't go part-time either.

I can't afford to turn this job down but I'd really appreciate any thoughts from other mums who work full time to tell me what its really like, or from any one else who wouldn't even think about doing it. Anything really, just to help me get a bit of perspective on how to cope with this best for the kids and me.

firstly how old are your kids?

personally for me i have had no choice BUT to work full time since ds was born. I have always worked full time.

ds has come on leaps and bounds in creche. its a routine. yeah its tough having a 2 hour window when i collect him to get dinner, baths and jobs done while spending timewith him, but then i enjoy the weekends even more and spend all day with him. it is tough and yanbu to feel sick at the thoughts but your kids wont suffer for it. you need the income.

oh and congrats on the job .. be tough for you all to settle in for a while but things will soon slide into place.

It can work really well IF you have a husband who does his fair share wrt to all the work that needs done round the house and with the kids.

Personally, I'd sit down with your H and get a list/rota you both agree on first and foremost.

I agree with the rota thing. Get a routine sorted so you know when you will do the food shop, clean the bathroom etc. think about getting a cleaner even just for a couple of hours a week so that you can make the most of the time you have with your family.

Doing right by your children means providing financially for them too, so don't feel that you are letting them down somehow. As long as you find childcare you are happy with,you aren't letting them down at all.

Well done and congratulations... just spend that little extra on special family holidays and a couple of weekends away each year!

Thanks so much for your comments. My kids are 4.5years and 16 months. My husband is great around the house - way more house-proud than I am, and would definitely share picking up and collecting the kids and all the jobs that need to be done to keep a house going.

I went back to work full time when DS was 13 months, and it was really hard at first. Like you, I hated the idea of DS spending more time with other people than at home with me and DH (although luckily for us, MIL and FIL have DS 2 days per week). I've now been back at work for 4 months and am much happier as I can see how much DS loves nursery and his time with his grandparents - it makes it much easier to leave him knowing that he is well settled.

The best tips I can give are to try to make sure your time with your DCs is spent with them, rather than trying to do everything around the house as well. The best thing we did was decide to get a cleaner and have our ironing done. It means that when DH and I are home, we can focus on DS and make sure we spend as much time together as a family as possible.

I went back to full time work when DD was 11 months and felt exactly the same as you. In fact going back to work turned out to be the easy bit and the home life stuff turned out to be the nightmare.

I loved being back in adult company, the challenge of my role and doing something for me, but home was awful.....we always seemed to have no food in, seemed to be living on takeaways, always running out of clean clothes and the house was permanently a tip and I felt was spending all my free time doing chores and not getting quality time with DD or DP.

We had a meltdown after 2 months and did what some of the other posters have suggested - rota for chores with both of us pitching in, online shopping with a weekly order meaning we could spend quality time at weekends together. If we've have got all that sorted in anticipation of my return to work, life would be been better for all of us and it would have been a much easier transition. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isnt it?

Dont feel guilty and give yourself a break - you are going back to work for the best intentions and with a bit of organisation, you can make it all work for your family. Congratulations on the new job!