Should I be working for love or money?

[packedup]

Hello everyone. I am in the middle of a workplace dilemma and I'm looking for opinions. I am in my second career, aged nearly 40, with two young children. I have worked really hard in the last few years to establish my new career, and am just about getting there. I mostly love my job, which is in an area that personally matters to me, and it feels like a massive part of my identity.

However, I have just accepted a job which will involve a long commute, so we will need a nanny, and my salary at this point will only just cover this.

Recently, I have seen a job advertised at more than £20k more than what I am going to be paid in my full-time post, for only three days, with a much shorter commute. This job (I think I am well qualified for it, and if I didn't get this one, I think there'd be others) would be OK - I wouldn't love it but could probably do it. My life would be easier as a result and we would have a lot more money coming in.

The other thing is that my husband's job is really stressful and I feel constantly guilty that I don't contribute more to the family pot and take some strain off him - he doesn't make me feel guilty, I just do.

So, what to do? A job I love, but where it will be ages before I start making money after childcare? Or a job that's sort of OK-ish for lots more money for less time?

I personally believe that it is deeply morally wrong to work and leave your DC in childcare while making no money.

Bit extreme Bonsoir. There's far more factors involved in a good, happy, 'moral' life for everyone than whether children are looked after during the day by a nanny or their mother.

Anyway, I honestly don't think that anyone else can answer your question OP - it's a very personal thing.

Is there some kind of compromise? Half time on the well paid, nearby job and half-time or less on the other job or something very closely related.

Personally I think there is awful lot to be said for doing something you love and believe in, not just something well-paid and convenient. Sounds like a much better route to fulfillment to me - but it depends just how right finances are, and whether you have childcare you are totally happy with.

Gosh. I wasn't expecting that bonsoir. I may not be making money now but I hope I will do so in future. Therefore you could see this as an investment in my future and theirs. If I gave up now, I would be handing entire responsibility for breadwinning to my husband. I am not sure if I feel comfortable with that. Should my husband ever leave me or god forbid die, then I would be incapable of supporting my family. A complex set of questions there, I guess. But yes, it feels potentially crap not to see them as much as I want to.

Thanks for your point irregular. Yes, I know it's a good route to fulfillment, I guess I just feel so guilty that in order to keep us afloat financially, my husband doesn't have that luxury.

Compromise not really poss, as current job a bit all or nothing unfortunately (I'm an academic, heavy pressure to publish in order to progress, and unlikely to publish if I work a reduced week, since most time will be filled with teaching).

What about the long term prospects Bonsoir? You can't ignore that.

I would go for the money of it was a job I knew I wouldn't hate. You might find it more enjoyable than you think, and also there might be a really nice work environment with a good team.

Yes, maybe scarlettsmummy. The thing is I did a job in a corporate enviroment (which this would be) previously and actively disliked it. I know this sounds very prima donna-ish, but I felt that I was constantly supressing a huge side of myself. Maybe I'm older now and it would be OK, I'd feel more able to be myself in that environment. If it was just a choice between my current job being OK, and another job being a bit less OK, then that would be different, the thing is I do actively love my job now.

Bonsoir, is it all right to leave dc in childcare whilst making money then? If salary permits?

What do you do for money then bonsoir?

Is that a blanket diktat Bonsoir?

What about working for the future? So that you can pay university fees, or keep yourself in your old age?

What about working when you don't ^need the money?

It is a personal decision, and what you 'feel' comes into it a LOT, it's not just about finance.
That said, I can't see how there would be any question in my mind between
Job A - full time, long commute, something you enjoy and will find challenging
Job B - still in your field, and a good job, but shorter commute, only having to go in 3 days and £20k a year more.

Job B just comes out as the perfect set up, from where I'm sitting. It's not like it's something you would hate, or be really bored in, you say it's still an OK job.

If you love your work and find fulfilment from it, then you are likely to be happier as a person and therefore a happier mummy to your children

It is not a moral issue at all!

I stopped working for 2 years after having dd. I was fortunate to get back into work that I loved after that, and consequently I I returned after having ds even though at that point I only broke even financially . Best decision I ever made

"my husband's job is really stressful and I feel constantly guilty that I don't contribute more to the family pot and take some strain off him"

would your husbands job actually be any less stressful if you earned more? - is he paid commission-only or self-employed? will you earning more result in a direct reduction in hours for him? i know my husband gets very stressed about work and about 'winning work' for his company but it's about professional and personal pride, it wouldn't matter how much i earned, he'd still get stressed about his job.

I would say only you know in your gut whether you have it in you to be satisfied with working for money rather than love.
Bonsoir it is really not that simple I worked for 15 months to really only break even with child care, but it lead to an opportunity that I knew was coming that tripled my income and significantly changed life for my family.

Maybenow- that's a good question. I think it's often more complex that just whether the second person earning will enable the first to cut down their hours and have less stress. It's often an emotional thing I think- feeling you carry the entire responsibility for bringing money into the home isn't always great. Just knowing that the other parent is also earning and contributing in that way is important- just as many people feel happier sharing aspects of child care and household responsibilities. I think work is about far more than just earning the pennies anyway. If you feel that you will have a better and more fulfilling balance in your life by working then go for it. Having a contented mummy will have more of a positive impact on your children than whether you are breaking even or turning a profit . My children wouldn't have known whether I was breaking even or making a profit when I returned to work , but they would have picked up that I felt happy

agree tinkerbel but the OP isn't talking about working or not, she's talking about one job she loves or another job that pays more... either way she will be sharing the load of earning for the family to some extent.

i choose to work in a field i love which pays ok but not brilliantly and my dh earns more, but his work stress would be no less if i earned more, there's not a direct link between salary level and stress level, it's more complicated than that.

to the OP i'd say, do whatever will make you happiest, you're obviously not a selfish person and both jobs pay 'enough' so i don't think that following your heart is going to impact negatively on your family if it makes you really content.