Anyone else realised they probably won't get their career back :(

[MINIBondGirl]

I was a Facilities Manager pre kids which I loved and regularly worked 6 days, 12hrs/day and was on call etc. Now having 2 boys, one with an autistic spectrum disorder and having been a SAHM for the last 7 years I have finally realised I won't get back into my previous career and it's almost like grieving.

I have to be there to drop my son off and pick him up every day or there is meltdown so childminders etc are not an option. I have had a few temp jobs working for the Police etc which are interesting, however, I am far better off financially if I clean houses. When you take into account travel costs, tax, NI et al it just isn't worth it. I have spent hours hunting for a position that is flexible enough to no avail. I couldn't even get a job fruit picking for minimum wage if I wanted school holidays off.

Not exactly my dream job but if it means I can be there for my boys so be it.

Anyone else having to settle and not have their dream job back?

Take a deep breath.
You'll never get THAT job back, but you WILL get something that uses your old skills and your rather amazing new crisis management ones
once the kids are older
mine are now both at secondary and my time is returning to be my own - if nothing else the beggars sleep all day on INSETs!
Your ASD lad will change as he matures / hits puberty. Fear not.

I feel your pain. I was completing my PhD in biochemistry when i had DD2. I was fully intending to go back to work, but i had a bereavement, horrible PND and it just never happened. Now DD is six, and the reality is that im probably never going to get back in the lab. I thought it owuld be easier once school started, but it hasn't worked out that way. I have done some voluntary lab work but not very much. I am competing with established scientists who are struggling to get work, i have no chance. Trying to convince people in other sectors that im intereste in their work is impossible, i have no experience and there are always 50 others in front of me with experience. I said to my DP today that i don't expect i will work again and he made the face and told me to apply to tesco :(

I was made redundant a couple of months after returning from ml with dd, I know I will never get to tge same level again. I know I can work in the same environment but I will never earn as much or be tge boss.

Same here - I worked in the City nearly all my working career. Had DS late in life (aged 40) with undiagnosed PND and menopause. My return to that life part-time was a disaster and I finally gave that up when DS started school. He has "learning issues" and seems to need massive support. My STBEH had an affair so we are now divorcing and he is doing everything possible to play games, not pay for me, pay CSA rates for DS. (By the way he is on a very high 6 figure salary).

I've looked at local retail jobs but their idea of flexibility is not mine eg Laura Ashley 4 hour blocks, seemed perfect until you are told that the shifts are only set 1 month before so you could work 1:30-5:30 on a tues, and the next week it be 10--2 on a sunday. Doesnt work for single parents or school run. My small business is pin money so not regular enough for tax credit help or JSA. I shall end up cleaning I think.

I find it hard - I used to have a brain :( I do miss my the intellectual challenge - I dnt that get from my business or home life at all.

I appreciate what you are saying, I know that I can't really apply for the jobs that I would like and it is frustrating but I have got a job which is OK and give me a reasonable amount of flexibility.

Have you thought about working in a school if you definitely need all holidays off - there are lots of back office jobs in Secondary Schools these days which are term time only and not just admin e.g. data managers, project managers, business managers, communications assistants, I was a Data Manager for a while and worked 30hrs per week term time only.

Good luck, I am sure it will get easier in time,

MLx

I guess I'm lucky. When I was pregnant it became VERY clear to me as soon as my clothes did not fit that my face would not fit unless I went for full time childcare.
So having been one of those people who everybody (me, DH, family, friends, colleagues) assumed would go back to work full time
I became somebody who found a niche and has lived in it for 14 years.
When the kids were small and DH was too ill to work for a while I was offered a job that would have cleared our mortgage in 6 months
BUT
I'd have had to live away and basically not seen my children for 6 months.
Some men may be able to do that. I could not.

There is a glass ceiling - it is built by mums who say that Sunday morning is NOT office time.
Some day the men will get real and career flexi will happen
and BTW more benefits are NOT the way to go (compare Women's senior career options between Germany and the USA)
but we may just be preparing the way for our daughters

Forgot to add that working in a school will never make you rich though, but you may get the opportunity to use your brain!

Phew glad it's not just me. Don't get me wrong I don't begrudge my boys in any way - It took me long enough to have them. I also know it's the hardest / best / most rewarding job I will ever have .

I think one of my problems is I don't have any relatives close by. Most of the Mums I know who do manage to juggle things rely heavily on family to help out.

Time for a Pimms

I feel exactly the same MINIBondGirl. Don't regret my time out of the workplace for one bit, but extra money would be nice now they are at school.

I have found it impossible to find jobs that fit in with school run and school holidays, so I then started looking for evening work. Hubby then changed his job and he is away roughly one week a month so can't even do that now.

I echo what you say in that all the mums I know who manage it have family help, at least for backup in emergencies and I don't have relatives close by so won't work for me either.

Mini
my nearest family are over 100 miles away
I had childminder / creche / sit them with colouring books in the corner and pray
my kids knew where the biscuit tin was at ALL of my clients offices / houses
BUT
being utterly open about them has made things like
the emergency run to collect a poorly DD last week acceptable
and the fact that I do not do email in August

Ladies - come over to the freelancer board and think laterally about your skills
any of you who have ANY city contacts : the market for FTSE250 non execs is blowing wide open
well paid, lots of email - but face to face only a day a month
also things like Police Authorities, regulatory bodies - there is HUGE scope to get women into regulatory roles that are very part time

FFS Lady Judge is non exec at 43 FTSE250 companies clearing around £3m a year

lets carve that up
speak to your old firms about non exec roles
are you all using Linkedin to pick your contacts list?

Businesses with women on the boards make more money (we'd have kneed Fred the Shred after all)
GO FOR IT

I have been starting to look at Non exec jobs. . Many look really interesting and as you say face time is 1 day per month if that. Some are unpaid and expenses only which isnt ideal when you are already on a low income.

veryconfusedatthemoment - I have been giving my situation a lot of thought recently (you seem to be in a similar position). I'm just trying to look at it a different way. I have a decent hourly wage, work only when I want, can make all my appointments, go to every school "thing" without having to juggle life or disappoint the kids. I also have a lot of me time and in the summer when I can stroll on the beach with my mad spaniel when others are in an office it has to be a good thing. Of course I don't get paid if I don't work - but sod it - life is too short to worry about all this stuff. ps cleaning is a bloody good workout

Sorry about your impending awkward singleness - not fun. Hope you get through it OK.

I just looked on Linkedin
there are SEVERAL paid ones
with Building Societies, and smaller listed companies at the first search
put "Non" into the job search
and DO change your profile to include that you are looking for single day a month work

Thanks talkin I have recently set up a LinkedIn profile but I am struggling to find my way around so your post is very helpful!

Bluerinse
I use FB for personal stuff and Linkedin for professional.
I have been absolutely ruthless in tracking down former colleagues and clients and suppliers and associates (including people I only actually know from email)
and have a set of contacts that looks good
and has been useful - I used a linkedin post to generate a really good work lead
every time you 'do' something your profile pops back up
so add things in dribs and drabs

for Mums who are feeling brain is jelly, it is possible to recreate the pre children persona ready to pull back on for short periods and remind the world that you are still there.....