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Am I constantly being undermined, or am I paranoid? Either way, hating job and must rant!

5 replies

commanderprimate · 26/04/2012 11:42

Warning, this may be long.

I recently took a job working on a website for a charity/campaigning organisation, and at first it was great. But recently, more and more, a particular member of staff seems to be undermining me constantly.

He is a technical person, a very good one and my job cannot be done without him. But I thought I had some say on what happened on this website. I may have misunderstood what I was employed to do, but it seems at the moment that I say, let's do it like that on the website, and then he comes along and says, no, let's do it like this, every single time. Many of these issues are bigger strategic ones, not technical ones, but the organisational culture seems to be that everyone gets a say on everything. (Means things move very slowly, as you might expect).

He's now basically said that a whole section of the website isn't going to happen, because he doesn't believe that it's a good idea. Instead, an idea he had is being taken up, out of the blue. This means a lot of what I've told people in the past about what we will be doing is untrue, amongst other things.

There have been other examples of the same sort of thing, and it's incredibly undermining. What really upsets me is that no one seems to notice! The guy says what he wants, we discuss it and discuss it with him being passive aggressive, until he gets his way. If he doesn't get his way, he simply sabotages whatever was decided until we go back into discussion, rinse and repeat.

Plus he changes his mind all the bloody time and will simply, overtly not cooperate with any attempt at getting deadlines from him. I wonder if it is just that he wants his own way, or is he trying to get rid of me?

What's driving me mad and making me wonder if I am paranoid is that no one seems to see that he's doing this, and that major decisions are being taken by him. Am I actually really shit and touchy? I'm totally doubting my abilities now, and it's making me absolutely hate this job.

Thanks to anyone who made it through this rant, and any advice from people who've been in a similar situation, or who haven't but just want to share shit work stories really really appreciated.

OP posts:
StillSquiffy · 26/04/2012 12:30

At the risk of sending you apopleptic, might it not be that he is finding it extremely irritating and undermining that. having had a free rein for so long, he now has to justify everything he says, over and over, to some new person who just doesn't get it?

Moving into new jobs is very stressful and people tend to react by 'proving' how good they are at their job, not realising that this potentially 'rocks the boat'. Sometimes you need to kick back and absorb the culture of a place for a while in order to learn how things work and to work within the political boundaries.

Is there someone more senior at work that you can discuss this with? Not in an 'I'm being belittled' way, but in an 'Im new to the org and not sure how things really work here, can you guide me'? way.

Sometimes it's not about being right about things, it's about being the right person. Hope it works out.

commanderprimate · 26/04/2012 12:45

Yeah, you could be right - well, I think you're definitely right about the liking a free rein thing. It's just that some of the things he's gone back on have actually been things he's agreed in the past. And I'm not just imagining that because there are realms of strategy documents, some of them written by him, stating them over and over.

I actually feel like I'm crap at this job, because I can't do any of the things I said I'd do without stuff being built for the website that isn't now going to be built, as far as I can understand. And every time I do a load of work, the thing the work was intended for is cancelled, it seems!

Plus we constantly have these huge meetings where everyone discusses what the main focus of the organisation should be (and no one agrees really) and go back a few steps. It's so frustrating!

My manager is also his manager, and I think would be more keen to avoid having to deal with conflict rather than anything else. Plus, I'm not kidding myself, he's more useful to them than me. Probably time to look for a new job, isn't it?

OP posts:
StillSquiffy · 26/04/2012 13:47

I reckon you need 6 months at least in a new job to get an idea of whether it is right for you, and then another 3 months to see if anything happens to change your mind.

Obv, if you can't bear it, then move on earlier.

commanderprimate · 26/04/2012 14:28

OK, I'll bear that in mind. Actually I'm only on a 9 month contract, so that fits in nicely!

There is a new, senior member of staff starting shortly. Possibly that'll help. It's a teeny workforce, so anyone new does change the dynamic. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
HoleyGhost · 27/04/2012 03:39

I think you could benefit from reading up on assertiveness in the workplace. It would give you some practical techniques for dealing with him

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