Confused and want advice but don't know whether I should pay

[MoJo5]

I wanted some advice. The last company I worked for went into administration while I was on maternity leave with my ds in 2008. Since then I have worked briefly in a job that was totally wrong for me. (That lasted a month). I also have a dd (aged 7). I worked full time all the time she was growing up. I was a producer in the BBC newsroom. I also did a Masters in Journalism. I have never been content as a stay at home mum. However I have no family in London and my dh works long hours. I have recently found out (to my utter shock) that I am pregnant. In fact I found out at three months. I am due to have a third child, a baby girl, in July 2012. Of course this is wonderful but I am 40 now and really wanted to get back to work when my son ds (three and a half) starts school. I was even beginning to get some interviews. I now feel completely confused about where I am going to go in my career. I will have three kids. I don't know how I am going to go back to work in the first year after having the baby as childcare will be expensive. I hate being at home. I wish I was different but after the career I had I find it so monotonous and at times lonely. I know work is never permanent and children are and there is nothing better than children but I am so scared that I am going to be a stay at home mum for the rest of my life! I don't know how to change my career or what path to plan for the next five yrs of my life. A friend of mine has recently sent me a website of a life coach who her friend recommended and said helped her clarify what she wanted in her life and career. The problem is it will cost me £100 for one hour's session! I don't even know if a session would help! It seems what I need to get direction as I've been bumbling through life feeling confused applying for jobs to no avail for three yrs now! However I think this is very expensive and I can't really afford a session. My question. Do you think I should go for a session and pay for it?

I think there's no point going to a single session and paying through the nose for it - all you will do is put pressure on yourself to work out your issues in an extremely short space of time, all the while sweating over the cost. I'll bet you get more insight from MNers! One hour is nothing.

I think life coaching can be very very hit and miss. What is her/his actual qualification? I would be very dubious about parting with that money.

It sounds like you need careers advice from a qualified careers advisor with experience or knowledge of your field (a good careers advisor should have a Dip CG / QCG or PG Dip/MA in Careers Guidance.

And perhaps wait until after your baby is born and you have a better idea of how it all feels?

Don't. Even if they sort your life's problems out - you are not really in a position to move on it, are you? Relax and let go for a year more (if your family situation/money allows).

Have your baby and then think again. I was in your situation a couple of years ago (unexpectedly pregnant with dc3 and raring to get back to work...)

I would recommend trying 'Women Like Us' who as well as recruiting for part time jobs, also run a series of different workshops on returning to work. I was in a similar position to you and I did one of their courses on interview skills. It was great to be in a place where you don't feel the need to explain your decisions as everyone is in the same boat. They have a website www.womenlikeus.org.uk and they run a Career MOT course for £40 which I was planning on doing, but then I actually got a job!
Good luck.

There's also capabilityjane They do job shares for city types not sure how good they are for returning women.

The only person I know who has used a life coach has more money than sense! He is a lovely guy, a very old friend of mine. Has a very high powered job abroad, but fantasises about running an antique shop in the country....a chat over a beer or 2 would be cheaper and more useful imho, however, he has the money....

Thanks for all the comments. Excuse my absence in replying I have not been on MN for a while.

Interesting that you all seem against me opting for a life coach at this time in my life. I think it would make me feel good to have some sort of plan now for after the baby is born. I fear I will have little time to be thinking and attending life coach sessions once dc three comes along!

You could be right, MagsAloof, that perhaps after having dc three I will have a better idea of how my "life" feels? Do you mean that I will have a stronger sense of knowing what is right?

I thought that after having got used to being a SAHM three yrs after ds was born I would be in a better place career wise and knowing my direction.

However since his birth in 2008 I have been religiously applying for jobs I thought I had perfect experience in, attending career workshops, networking like crazy with people I had worked with, and even doing voluntary work. I even sent my CV to people I know in good jobs for them to check my CV was okay and after some tweaks people responded that it was excellent. Nothing happened. I got some freelance marketing work through a contact I got through networking but that was just in exchange for voice training that I "thought" I might like to do. I finished the work but have not been paid for it or received the voice training (yet). It was also work from home which is really not what I want to do.

Goldmum I have tried Women Like Us. I have been to several of their workshops including a CV workshop and a networking skills workshop. And the two interviews I managed to get in the three yrs after my ds was born were both through WLU. Sadly for me they have not yet helped. If anthing it has made my confusion and desperation even greater.

This is the link for the lifecoach my friend sent me if you are interested to look. She certainly looks impressive like she could solve all my problems!!

www.sallyannlaw-lifecoach.co.uk

Maybe you could check her out for me!

Just wanted to say that if you're having a baby in July, and your youngest son is already 3.5yrs, he will be starting school in September 2013. So when the baby is 1, you'll only have childcare for one child - the other 2 will be at school. You might need after school care, but I wouldn't have thought it would be so expensive as to prevent you from going back to work (if thats what you want to do).

Yes it is but the problem is (and why I want a life coach) is I don't know what I want to go back to re work!!! Also I have tried so hard for three yrs to find that direction of deciding whether to stay in journalism or go for a new career and I have HAD NO LUCK!!! I haven't been able to get a job despite having a Masters in Journalism, 10 yrs experience working in BBC and speak two languages other than English. Maybe it's just me!!! But I have never ever ever tried so hard!!! So it is not really the problem of being expensive for childcare to go back to work.. it's more about what work!!!!!

I agree that a qualified carreers coach might be better than a life coach - they can be good but more for looking at the balance of life - I would look at a few different people before deciding -
and have you done the carreer mot course at womenlikeus -
I think that the media is a very very tough job market at the moment - and actually in general the job market is pretty tough
although if you have been job searching for 4 years that's pretty long time - how many jobs have you applied for,

In honesty it has been about three years. Prob about 10 jobs a week at one stage.. then went a few months with not applying for anything.. then spontaneously another 10 jobs a week or so. All in all I reckon nearing on 800.
Yes it is true the media is a very very tough job market and that is mainly what I was searching for. However I am also fluent in Spanish and have a degree in French. I would have thought my language skills would have got me at least an interview in the International media sales jobs I applied for but no! It has been such a soul destroying time and yes at times I completely did give up and concentrated on joining clubs, choir, running clubs, writing clubs, even doing voluntary work to try to help get me out of this rut! Nothing happened. I was told in one interview I went to that I had an excellent C.V by the Human Resource Lady at the interview so I don't think there is anything wrong with my C.V. I do think it may have had something to do with the fact that I wrote on my CV the years that I " raised a child". Especially as the only two interviews I had in the three years were both through Women Like Us!

Marking my place, as I want to come back tomorrow and add to the thread.

I attended some CBT recently (NHS) and my therapist said he also did career planning and something called signposting for career changes. I moved house, so didn't take it up, and so don't know what it was like but I have always been confused about my work too and am thinking of looking into it at some point. He has now moved to a company called italk which is a local online service (and includes employment support) but maybe there is something similar in your area?

I am going to stick my neck out here and say that it might not be a bad idea for you to go to a careers coach or similar ? because clearly you want to and I think that motivation has a lot to do with it.

I did so last summer, after a shortish break of just maternity leave plus one year. I had become increasingly desperate applying for jobs that I didn?t really want and realised that, if I wanted to retrain, then I needed to get myself in gear in time for any kind of autumn term start.

I went with someone who works as a HE careers advisor but does a little freelance work, so she wasn?t too expensive. Some of the ?life coaches? are hugely expensive! I can?t remember the exact details, but I think I had two, possibly three, sessions with her and also did a lot of thinking prompted by the sessions. Her knowledge of different occupations was pretty good plus I really enjoyed the ?counselling? element of the sessions. I did end up talking about things like marriage dynamics, my feelings about being a working mum ? all of which was helpful. PM me if you would like her name (London). In some respects she also made me much more realistic about what I could expect salary wise.

If you wanted to retrain then maybe now, while your baby is small, could actually be a good time to begin. Attending something once or twice a week is much more manageable than finding childcare for work purposes.
In the end I didn?t retrain as such, but got a job, but I think she did help me to get to that point and also feel happy with going for and accepting the post. I also decided against some routes that I might otherwise have continued to waste time thinking about. My best retraining options are still there, but I have put them on hold for now and am doing some training around my new job.

The big thing I realised was that if you have an established career, it is quite difficult to get people to see you in terms of something new and almost impossible to deliver the same salary expectations in a new post. People in sales or IT don?t really care that you used to be something big in physiotherapy, schools or telly, if they have candidates who have been living and breathing sales or IT their whole lives.

What I have been unbelievably fortunate to do is transfer my existing occupational knowledge to a slightly different set up. The pay cut I have taken is significant, but it is worth it. Is this something you could do with your media experience? Teach journalism? Provide services to the sector?