So unhappy about work

[LadyEmmaHamilton]

I've been in my current role about three years. I was moved to this job to save me from redundancy, but it was suggested at the time that the door would be open for me to move back once things picked up in my old team. The new job is not one I like and I find the people I'm working with quite hard work.

About 6 months ago, I asked about moving back to my old team and was told that wasn't possible. My current boss wanted me to really commit to the new role and do training and so on so that I can progress. But you know what it's like when you don't enjoy something, its so hard to work up any enthusiasm for learning about it.

On Friday my bosses called me in and they're basically putting me on a development plan because they feel I'm not performing. That's probably true, because I just can't work up any enthusiasm. My confidence is shot to pieces and I can feel myself doing a bad job, IYSWIM.

So, anyway, even before Friday, I had started looking for another job, and there are a few things out there that are suitable (I'm in a professional job, which limits me a bit in what kind of jobs I can do), but I'm terrified that I won't get anything. I have temped before in secretarial roles so I could do and do that, but it would involve a significant pay cut, which is scary. We could cope, but it puts a lot of pressure on DH.

The other complicating factor is my age - we has agreed that we would start a family at the end of the year, do I'm worried about starting a new job and doing that and also whether people won't want to employ me because they are worried about that.

I'm not really looking for answers, just some support. I feel so sick all the time and I just want it all resolved.

Sorry, that was much longer than I thought it would be!

This isn't meant to sound critical but 'I just want it all resolved' suggests you want someone else to come in and sort out your career for you. Only Cinderella gets that option :)

I think it was good of your firm to find a role for you to avoid redundancy. Hard to tell from your post if you were promised a return to your old team in better days, or if this was just a hope if things picked up. But the fact they were willing to find a way to keep you was probably intended to boost, rather than dent, confidence I think? Your new boss thinks highly enough of you to actively want to encourage you in your new role so perhaps it's worth examining what specifically you find difficult about the new work. If it's mostly a case of it's not your old job - well, that job is gone. If it's genuinely not what you want to be doing, then make sure you've given it your best shot and move on.

The development plan may actually be a good thing. It sounds as if you should be getting someone to mentor you through the work in more detail than is usually available, which will enable you to see what your firm expects of someone in your role, and give you a chance to reflect on where/why you aren't fulfilling the criteria. It doesn't mean you're a bad employee, just one who needs some help. Based solely on what you've posted, it sounds like you should take the opportunity to work through a development plan and take what you can from that experience. Your firm has invested in you in the past, so give this process a chance to work.

That said, exploring other options is perfectly reasonable too. If this simply isn't the role for you, it isn't doing you or your firm any good for you to stay. If a better option is out there, you should find it and take it. But this is a tough market; if it isn't out there right now, you probably need to knuckle down and make the best of the job you do have. However, there's only one way to find out what your options are, which is to go to the market.

It is illegal to refuse you employment on the grounds you 'might' start a family, but it's also illogical to consider that a reason not to look for other work, otherwise no-one (let's say more accurately: no woman) between the ages of 20 and 45 would ever move jobs. It is nobody's business what your family plans might be, and equally you don't know what the future may hold, so there are too many unknowns to factor this in to your decision-making in my view. (I should probably add, I interviewed at 28 weeks pregnant for my current organisation, I think it was pretty obvious I would be going on maternity leave within seconds of starting the job - they still offered it to me but I'm not sure this experience is exactly representative of employers as a whole).

And leaving all that aside, it does seem that your confidence has taken a knock; is your old boss from your old team still at work? Could you have a chat with him/her about the company's overall assessment of you and generally see if there is some mentoring available outside your current team - not with any expectation that this will lead back to your old team but just to give you a better picture of the organisation overall?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Working in a job that isn't what you want to be doing is always draining, but hopefully at least by thinking through what you actually dislike you may be to able to isolate the problem areas, or make the more permanent move away from it.

Thank you tribpot. I do realise that it's me that has to sort it out. I'd just like to have it all sorted now! I'm feeling pretty sick and shaky thinking about the prospect of getting through it all, but obviously I know I have to do it and that it will be worth it in the end. It's just not very nice getting there.

DH is being really good, I'm just dreading the next couple of months while I sort all this out.

It sounds as if what they did to be helpful - giving you an unsuitable position rather than redundancy - was not the right option at all.

Would it be worth asking if redundancy is still on the cards? If you are looking to move to a different position then you might as well have a pay out to go with it.

You sound a bit like me in my old job. Truth was I just wanted to start a family. Why not start TTC? I've found you view work a lot differently when you are pregnant / with baby. You rely on it less for a sense of self as you have other priorities. May be barking up the wrong tree but maybe not?

A development plan is a good option for the company, but the onus is on you to make it work. If you leave whilst a development plan is in place, it may seep through in any references for a new job, so could hamper you going forward.

If you twiddle your thumbs and carry on as before you will find yourself managed out for capability reasons, which would be really sad, especially as the role was imposed on you.

Two of the available options are:-

1. Put all of your effort into your current role and forget about other possible roles. Turn your performance around and make this development plan successful. It will also help you feel better about the role if you do this. Then re-assess how you feel after coming out of the PIP.
2. Approach HR or mgmt, explain that although you really really appreciate everything they did to find you an alternative role when redundancy loomed before, and although you love the company still, this is simply not a role you are happy in, and you would like very much if you could either be offered redundancy at this point in time, or be given their blessing to go and find something under your own steam, with an agreement that you will resign in 3 months, but that you would need to have this development plan postponed in the meantime so that it didn't affect future references.