childcare for very very young babies (newborn)

[Jules125]

Hi, problems at work and very bad timing of pregnancy may mean I need to return to work (at least a 2-3 days a week, DH can do I day) very soon after this baby is born - maybe at 8 weeks. I don't feel great about this at all (took 13 months with DD!) - but I don't see any other solution. I realise its going to be incredibly tough - but all I can do is tough it out for a while. I'll be able to do a lot of work at home but might need to go in for meetings for 3-4 hours or so at a time.

Realistically, what are my options for childcare, and how much will they cost (London)? We are financially very secure but not high income.

My older DD is with a childminder, but I don't think she does newborn care (or has space anyway). I would not want to move her as the childminder is great and she has settled so well. I wouldn't want nursery care for such a young child. So a maternity nurse? Nanny? Any recommendations in SW London? Or am I just totally nuts to even consider this solution :-)

Thanks for any thoughts

In the old days when dd1 was born (she's 15) it was pretty normal for babies to go to childminders by 3 months old, dd was 9 weeks old but fortunately part time.

If you can afford it a nanny or nanny share would be the best option IMHO

How soon will you know, and how far off is this?

Do you really need to return to work that soon? What are the potential consequences if you take much longer off like you were able to with dd1?

Hi thanks - this is a long way off (beginning of 2013) - but in truth I know now, I'm just trying to come to terms with it.

The potential consequences of taking off a long time are very serious - and would mean losing my work and our main source of household income. My DH doesn't even have a contract after May 2013 so really quite massive implications for the family. Its really a tough one.

I'd go for a nanny and ditch the CM (I realise you don't want to though) unless you can afford to pay for both.

I'm not sure that I understand why you're in this situation - every woman is entitled to a period of paid maternity leave (assuming that you've been in your job for long enough to qualify).

If you really will need to go back when your dc2 is very young do you have any good friends or family who could help out as it sounds as if your hours might not be very regular?

If they will be regular then you might be lucky and be able to find a nanny but I'm not sure that you'd find anyone willing to commit to relatively few hours this far in advance.

Have you spoke to your CM about it? She may be willing. My Dmum is a CM and took a little baby boy at one week old as the mum was halfway through the final year of her degree and needed to finish it. She CMd him until he was 13.

Just saw also that your DH is only contracted til May 2013, so could you ask CM to have baby for a few weeks until your DH has finished contract then he can do childcare?

My son is just 8 weeks old now and actually I think if I had to go back to work, part time, some of it from home - I could. I wouldn't want to and it would involve DH doing a lot more night feeds etc but yes, I could manage it.

What about a nanny / CM with her own child? Or can your DH do more?

Tbh I have had a lot of help from my relatives in the last few weeks as my DH has been working away and my DS at the moment is so little that as long as he is being cuddled / fed / changed he doesn't seem overly bothered whether it's me / his dad / his granny / grandpa. If you did have to go down the nursery route it might not be as terrible as you imagine - there will be 3:1 ratios staff to kids in a baby room but as a newborn s/he will almost certainly get the most fussing & cuddling - some of the other kids will be a lot more independent.

It sounds as though this really is the only option if you want to retain your family's financial security, so try and think positive. I'm having to go back much earlier this time round - the gap between my maternity pay and my wage is way too big to sustain! - but the way I look at it is that if it enables me to keep my relatively family friendly & flexible job, my DS will reap the rewards later on, even if it means part time nursery earlier than I would otherwise have chosen. It also means much less pressure on my DH to take every scrap of work offered (he's self employed) so he can afford to spend more time at home with his children. When you look at all the aspects of it like that, returning to work early may not seem so appalling!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Iwish - I don't really have any family nearby or friends that could help more than the odd hour or two. The reason why I am in this situation is complex to explain (yes, I am technically entitled to paid leave and I will take it but if I don't work whilst I'm on paid leave my job will fall apart over the medium to longer term - hence the paid leave is meaningless - essentially I am self-employed although technically an employee).

I know I won't find anyone willing to commit in advance, but I guess nearer the time might be possible - and yes, I have thought of asking my childminder if she could help on days she is not full, although I know she has never looked after a baby this young before (except for her own).

A maternity nurse would normally be looking to work 24/6 and would charge around £1000/week (gross) for that in SW London. Doesn't sound as if that would suit you very well really, given that you don't need many hours. Also, a maternity nurse would NOT normally be prepared to care for an older child as well (although, in this market, it's not impossible I suppose that you could persuade one to make an exception in return for fewer hours) so you'd be looking at continuing to use your CM as well.

HOWEVER, maternity nursing is a tough field to break into and you may well find somebody looking to gain newborn experience who could be very flexible with you. I think it would definitely be worth making some enquiries along those lines. I definitely don't think you're nuts.

Could your dh not just give up work for a bit? If his contract were up in may 2013 then would it be so financially ruinous for him to do the childcare and you keep working. I have a self employed friend who was main earner so she had 8week mat leave then her dh took over, she worked (part time) and her dd now goes to nursery from 12m. I know your dh might not like the idea but it sounds like him taking paternity leave might be most practical. He wont get statutory pay, which is unfair but you didnt give the impression finances are an issue. You do whatever it takes and maybe a nanny for both your dc would be next best alternative.

I agree that if possible it would be a better and less stressful situation to let DH look after the baby until they are a little more independent - sitting up, solids, etc? Otherwise if this is not possible I would go for a very experienced nanny who has had specific baby training, in particular baby first aid, etc...then like others suggested, they could also look after your first child.

Having said all that, I have just returned from a stay in the country I come from and was slightly surprised at how many parents leave their newborn babies with their cleaner or completely unreferenced/unknown migrant worker with no childcare qualifications etc - so maybe we are indeed extremely precious about our offspring in this country!! (I include myself in this by the way!).

Zen - yes I think that might be the best solution, but you guessed it, DH doesn't want to. He thinks (I agree in an ideal world) it would be better for his career long term to work until May and see out contract, but then we have no-one between Jan and May to look after the baby. I don't want to give up a wonderful CM but yes a nanny for both might be easier. I think this wil cost us about DH's salary so it all feels a bit nuts.

Yes, we are very precious about newborns but they are just so helpless aren't they? And as you say totally incapable for quite a while.

Ugh. I am so conflicted right now, its very hard.

Could dh take some paternity/annual leave? Combine this with your leave to make baby a bit older?

Yes, He will be able to take 2 weeks paternity leave plus possibly as much as 2-3 weeks annual leave. It helps but can't plus the gap.

It could bring forward his leaving date. And if you could delay your start date to meet up?

I absolutely think you'd be able to find an experienced nanny short term in London. Yes, it may be expensive for a while but if you were only doing Jan-May (then dh take over) it wouldn't be too bad.
As dc2 will be little there shouldn't be any issues with them getting too attached to a short term nanny.
I used to be a part time nanny in London for years and these are exactly the sort of contracts I'd go for whilst I was studying, and then after I graduated too.
If it is part time hours you can just agree on an hourly rate. Very easy to find people there is a big nanny community on gum tree if you can't find anyone through word of mouth (ask for recommendations at toddler groups /pre school) the other benefits to this of course is that you'll get your shopping done, house cleaned and dinner cooked should you want that arrangement

I would get a temp nanny. Maybe an experience nanny looking to break into maternity nannying. I know you say it's early days but I would def start looking sooner or later, many temp nannies/ maternity nannyies I know are fully booked for the next 12 months.

A nanny will also come with you to work/ nearby if you would prefer for the first month or so. Especially handy if you choose to bf.

If I was in your scenario I would get a nanny from say 8 weeks when you return- maybe 5-6 months old. Then to childminder. A 6 month old is a lot easier to fit in at childminders who may look after many children than a 2 month old when naps/ feeds etc are still random

Thanks again for the information. I'll start looking early then (a bit astounded that matenity nannies are booked for over 12 months when pregnancy only lasts ... but probably I don't understand the job). Still scared but hoping things can work out ok

TinyDiamond - thanks for being so positive. You made me feel better :-)

Hi there Jules, just wanted to give you another opinion. I went back to work 4 days a week when my son was 4 weeks old. Luckily for us, my husband stayed at home with him, so I can't help much re childcare, all I can say is not to beat yourself up about going back to work early. I did at first and it really hasn't helped in the long run. I am proud to say my ds is still fully breastfed (apart from a few bits of broccoli etc!), we have a great bond, and every second I do spend with him is a joy. Pm me if you want advice re pumping etc. I found that my milk was a way I could provide for my baby while I wasn't there.

Whatever decision you make needs to be right for your family, and only you can judge that. Good luck!