Following head and not heart....How did you do your sums on returning to work? Full time, part time, affordability etc.

[JimmyChoo17]

What did you factor in, did you just look to break even, were affording perks a deciding factor for those precious weeks of annual leave and weekend time with your child if going full time? Is one day off a week plus weekends enough?

Would love to hear the paper side of how people calculated this decision as the emotional side is ripping me apart.

I'm coming towards the end of my mat leave following 13 months off.... and currently work 37.5 hours a week and childcare will be 35-45 per day depending on rates we negotiate.

Looking at this from the emotional point of view is not working at the moment! and I can't even bring myself to post about my emotional view on it yet! Jeez being a mum is hard work...

So I guess I'm also looking at what did you decide...when using your head and not your heart and how did you reach that decision?

On paper ££££s seem to win...but on the tissue paper I keep crying into thinking about full time.....it doesn't add up! Waaaahhh!

I think one of the important factors is to consider what you want in the long term.

Do you have a job or a career? If you give it up, how easy is it to pick it up again? What will the 'costs' be in terms of your career, lost earnings, future progression and the like. I think these are the things you have got to weigh up against the immediate benefits of staying at home.

For me, the decision was easy. I got a job (teaching) in which I could change my hours annually, and could decrease / increase them each year to suit my needs. Furthermore, because I'm in a college - we write our own timetables (in our departments) and it is not done centrally, so I'm a lot more in control of my own timetable. If I ever leave this job, I'd never get those hours or this flexibility again. So I made the decision to work when my children were little for the longer term benefits of changing my hours to school based hours when my children were older. Now that they're at school, I work mornings, so I can be there at the school gate each day. For me, this was worth the 'cost' or working two days a week when my children were small.

Hi JC.

I'm afraid I prob won't be much help because my decision seems to be panning out as the wrong one, but basically I went back to work when DD was 2. Originally I wanted to break even, but I was very lucky and ended up with quite a well paid job that means that we get a bit extra (it's a real luxury, as we were living quite a pared back lifestyle when I was a SAHM), buy it means that I have a long commute and have to work full time.

I hate it. I feel like I'm always letting someone down, I'm not doing a good job at home or at work, and I'm barely keeping myself above water. But we really could do with the money, and I need to have this job on my CV for at least a year, because I didn't have a career pre-DD, just a few jobs that were never really right. I'm 4 months in.

I'm so sorry to sound so down about it. I know that my situation is not unique to me and that I just have to get on with it, but it is really hard.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

Thanks both for your answers and every prospective is a useful one so thank you.

I am not really bothered about going sky high with my career but i am in a specialist job role particular to my industry not something i can apply to another role really i would also struggle to find a job earning as well as i do now...im not a higher earner but i earn a decent wage. i enjoy it and do wish to move up a some point but my priority at present is my baby boy and i enjoy every second we are together the pnly reason i am dealing with my imminent return..is by realsing i will have money coming back.

also a priority is my mortgage and making sure we never go without. I earn more than my husband too, 3k which would be lost with a reduction in hours. i would not easily be able to increase or decrease hours in my situation. I do wish to stay in the job and on an all male team I have already been asked whether I will be having more children!!! I can't help but wonder if this will be a deciding factor should redundancies come up (they do frequently!) even tho this is not right...its how things go in many of our jobs i bet! I would love to have one more child...but looking at £££ I don't see how we ever will. ...as the recession is hitting jobs hard I know that getting a role like mine In the future would be very difficult so I'm trying to gauge whether working full time will benefit us finally in the long run (yes it will) but whether just taking us down to 4 days would cause a strain financially...but the whole time it breaks my heart to think of only seeing my little man in the evening and weekends. He would be at a CM from 8 until I pick him up at 5 apart from one day with the MIL. 4 days would be a good compromise for me but on paper it doesn't workout and my husband is not 100% behind me going part time due to money. I have som many friends going back part time and can't see how they are affording it. I can only imagine my mortgage is more and their partners earn more.

I know everyone that has kids has this dilemma but it's so so difficult to know if you are doing the right thing...

Calamity...don't be too hard on yourself, you sound like you are working hard for your family's future and would think no one this you are letting them down. Do you think it's your own guilt rather than what others think? When I think about returning my concerns are similar to yours and I'm sure that's how I will feel too to be honest but I wonder if more of the negative will be my own thinking rather than anyone else's....I hope!

Why oh why haven't I won the lotto yet....

It is heartbreaking only seeing them in evenings and weekends, I'm not sure that there's a way around it. I would love to do 4 days a week as well, but in my job it's just not realistic.

Only you know what's really right for your family - but I will say that without the support of your DH life will seem much harder. Mine isn't fully supportive because he would really like me to have another DC and stay at home, but we can't afford it yet so I thought it would be best if I got out there and earnt some money!

I think you caught me on a bad day TBH, most days I feel sure that I am doing the right thing for my family, not only by making money now, but also by being in employment.

However, I did have 2 years at home with DD, which made it easier for me to go back to work - I felt as though I had really been there for her early years and I know that she loves being with her little friends at nursery.

It is a bloody hard decision and I think you will probably always question whether you're doing the right thing, no matter which choice you make. I think that's just part of the nature of parenting, unfortunately.

P.S fingers crossed for the lotto - I am hoping for a big win, too!

Its a really tough decision. I was in an all male team when I had my first babies (twins) and thought they'd turn down any request for flexible working / part time hours. In fact, I think it worked in my favour since they were worried it would reflect badly on them (discrimation etc) if they said no (I asked for 3 days), I had thought in advance of all the objections they would have - asked for it to be on a 3 month trial basis and said they could say it wasn't working at the end of that 3 months. I then worked very hard to make it work during that 3 months. It meant I often had to log in from home, take phone calls etc and work longer hours on the 3 days that I did work (my DH was able to help with drop off / collection etc) but that was a small price to pay.

For me, the most important thing was that they were with me / us more than they were with a childminder / in nursery - so if I worked 3 days, they'd be at home with us for 4 days. It really depends - this was 6 years ago and its easy for me to say as the economic climate was different, only you know what obstacles you'll face getting a similar job.

I've been 3 days for 6 years now (also have a toddler too) so we have another 18 months to go before all 3 are at school. I will then increase my days ago (maybe to 4/4.5) and we won't have nursery fees to pay (although we'll have 3 days after school probably). We have basically been stony broke for all of that time, constantly overdrawn, and have loans, all of which we'll gradually pay back once our income goes up in 18 months. Would I do the same again? I think its a sacrifice for a few years that you can't ever get back, so yes, I probably would.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Its crap aint it! Is it just the 1 dc you have? I have 2 dc's. After my first I returned to work full time when he was 10 months old. We had just moved house and needed the money. Everyone told me I would regret it and my mum tried to make me reconsider but I had to as the money made it worthwhile. After we paid for childcare I was still earning around £700-800 pm. We saved hard and last June I has dd. I went back to work 3ish weeks ago and now work 3 days a week. Both kids are at nursery for those three days. I am actually just away to start a thread about my situation as Im so bloody unhappy. I dont want to work at all. I hate my job - find it so boring and there really doesnt seem to be any career progression for me. I have been looking for another job but there are no part time jobs in my field - IT. Im so bloody fed up as all I seem to be doing is worrying about it all the time.

With the situation I am in now - my wage doesnt cover all the childcare. We are something like £70 out of pocket some months (depends on pre school funding). The nursery just recently put their fees up massivley and we are now paying £54 for my youngest per day and 47.50 for my eldest per day.

Are you planning any other children? This was a consideration for us as we saw me returning to work full time as a temp thing...

Good luck with your decision - I really do feel your pain its fucking tough making such a decision!

Just one child yes....if I went back part time I don't think hubby would agree to a second, he's said more or less that we can't! So in a way I think..well ok if I go back full time and have another it means I will be off again soon but would sit mean returning full time after a second...that's the only way I would afford childcare! bu then if working full time is what it takes to convince him to make a brother or sister then I think I'd rather be in work full time!

Is it wrong to think that way? It took me 2 and a half years to fall pregnant before and I had 2 losses too...so I'm also worried I might have problems again which means I would be back to work full time missing out on my boy trying to fall pregnant! STRESS!!! I'm only 30 but also worry about time ticking away with the old body clock...

I discussed flexible working without any specifics with work yesterday and they were pretty good about me being able to work from home and fit in family and also possibly dropping hours. So at least I know it's a possibility but I don't know if I want to be scrapping by...it was difficult to watch my dad do this as a child...at least if I'm working I can keep us well afloat.

Bloody hard being a mum ey!

So what happened to make people reach their final decision and does anyone know if there is a legal time you must let work know?

However you can agonise about this but sometimes in the end other factors come up. I went back after negotiating 3 days because I was thinking about my career and how financially we would be better once the DTs were in school etc etc...and 10 months down the line the whole team was made redundant! So I have been a SAHM for a few years and now back in the black-hole of job hunting.

Yep that's another thought I have....like most industries we r constantly facing cuts and part timers are the first to get axed regardless of their talent set! But that makes me wonder about making sure we have a safe amount of £££ in the bank to help. It's so difficult. We got our meters read this week....I've dodged it since changing providers the week DS was born....and man alive being at home has made our bills rocket! Fairly obvious I know but price hikes etc would cripple us really badly. I'm getting used to the fact I'll be returning for most of the week but trying to judge whether long term we can lose a day a week. I may be able to a day every other week which would be a good compromise...

Still no lotto win. Darn it!!

Hi there, just a different perspective if that helps. I have 2 DC and have gone back to work fulltime after each matertnity leave (I took a full year both times). My DH also works fulltime. 2 kids in nursery and 2 parents working fulltime is knackering, and I feel like we are constantly running to stand still, sometimes doing OK, sometimes not. We do have wonderful family support which has been a godsend.

It depends on how much you value and like your job. For me personally it has been very important to go back to work for my own sense of worth and for my career progression. Having put in some extremely hard slog over the last 4 years or so, DH and I are now both in very good positions in our careers and approaching a stage where we can reduce our hours to 4 days a week each, allowing both of us to look after DD2 at home more, and to be around at the school gates when DD1 starts school in September. The money we will save when there aren't 2 lots of nursery fees will be substantial and will allow us to be more time-rich. My long-game was to work hard to re-establish myself after mat leave with a view to then working more flexibly as the kids start school. I know it's hard to leave a little baby, but I am starting to think that they might need you at home more once they start to have homework and begin navigating emotions and friendships etc

I should also say that we have realised pretty quickly that our marriage works best when we are equal partners, sharing the earning, sharing the childcare, sharing the mundane household jobs. I hated the imbalance of maternity leave and I think we understand each other much more when we are sharing similar workloads.

I asked my Human Resource team at work the value of childcare vouchers I could claim and what my exact salary would be on 3 and 4 days a week, before I decided on what hours to ask for at work. I knew we weren't eligible for any benfits or tax credits and I knew my CM would not charge much less for 4 or 3 days a week (£10 less per day) as opposed to 5 days a week, so I asked for a 4 day week at work, based on what we thought we could afford to live on (and on the reply I had from HR). I wish we could have afforded for me to only work 3 days a week but 60% of my salary would not have been enough for us to live on with a bank loan to repay and childcare on top.

If it helps, I still don't want to be back at work. I'd have loved to be with my child all day, every day, but that one day off a week made all the dfifference to how I feel about being at work when I have to. I went from being miserable, unable to eat or concentrate at work, weeping in the toilets etc in the first month, to being only mildly resentful 10 months on. I had to work full time for a month after returning to work and was on the verge of depression till I got the 4 day week agreed. I lost a lot of weight as I didn't eat lunch for a month and was cyling 24 miles (to/from work) five days a week. I am now happier (even though I still miss my daughter a lot), as i always have my day with LO to look forward to and I'm putting weight on at a rate of knotts as I hardly do any cycling now due to terrible weather recently and the constant colds and illness picked up from duaghter - but that's another story! I'd say you obviously have to choose a work pattern than you can afford to do, but you cant ignore your feelings about hardly seeing your LO. My salary covers the childcare and loan, but nothing else, so we effectively live on my partners salary. We can afford to do this, as long as we dont want to go on holiday, ever. I couldn't "afford" to only see my child for 30-45 minutes on working days, five days a week though - it broke my heart. My four-day week was the best compromise for me. You've just got to find a compromise that works for you.