Grandparents sticking to routine

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

I am looking for a part time job, so not clear exactly what the arrangements will be but DH is off 2 days in the week and my dad has offered to come round one day per week and potentially 2 days at in laws or DS3 (1 yr).

I will either be working short days so drop him off/pick him up or 3 full days which will alternate the one day childcare between the sets of GPs. They are all very happy to help and I absolutely realise they are doing us a favour by saving us childccare costs.

However,

DS3 is in a great routine, in terms of naps, lunchtime and bedtime. My concern is that ILS wont stick to what we have established. I am obviously not going to say "he must have lunch at 11.30am on the dot and be asleep y 12.15", but I would like to braodly keep things the same to within 1-2 hours, so lunch between 11.30-1.00 with nap after and no nap after 3pm ish (when hopefully I pick him up) and therefore still get him in bed by 7pm.

The issue is that we dont have a great relationship and I find it very difficult to ask them anything.

They have a very different way to DH and I and eat lunch at 2.30-3.00 and basically will let DS3 sleep at 5pm.

I basically want to preserve the system with some flexibility based on him being at their home with their day affected, but I would liek our evening to not be affected by what they do during the day, in terms of dinner, baths, homework with DS1 and DS2 and playing etc, then I have studying to do in the evening before DH gets in.

I guess my question is how can I encourage them to stick roughly to what we do and works for us for minimal disruption without causing eye rolling.

I think if you dont have a good relationship with them you should look for alternative childcare.

I've had issues with my in laws and routines. They didn't stick to it the first day they had DD. luckily, they stayed around in the evening and saw what a nightmare she was and have stuck to it ever since.

I'd make it clear what his routine is and let them see the consequences of not sticking to it!
Good luck!

If you get free childcare then you have to go by the granparents rules. If you want to stipulate a routine then I think you need to pay for childcare. Even then childminders are a bit of a law unto themselves.

I think that realistically you can't. If you are relying on other people to look after your children then tbh I think that that has to go with the realisation that this will happen in a way that is different to the way you do things. You can set out the way you want things to be done, but tbh I don't thin you can expect them to stick with it.

If you feel that things won't be done as you want them to be then I would use a nursery rather than relying on free childcare from ILs.

IME you can't, sadly

Well I havent got a job yet and if i end up with 3 full days I may well not have to as DH will do 2 and my parents 1.

DH is insistent on not paying for childcare for DS3 as he thinks he is too young to be left with anyone not family. For the record they do love the Dc and the DC have a great time with them. So the issues are all me.

I willhave to just see how it goes. I plan to write down everything for my dad, but he is MY dad and understands me and will just do it since he knows it works, not the same with others I find.

I absolutely agree, I just want to find a way of explaining my routine so they at least have it there. I appreciate that things are unlikely to run exactly how they run at home. I guess we will just have to play it by ear and see what happens.

yes, I don't think YABU, but in my experience grandparents tend to do their own thing...

I agree with everyone else. I think if you want things done a certain way, you pay for proper childcare.