Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

Original poster

Taking day off if lo unwell? I'm in tears :(

20 replies

cheekymonk · 16/04/2012 11:55

Well thats it really. Mt dd has been sick on and off most of weekend (she is 14 months). She was not sick yesterday but barely ate. She got 2 new back teeth on Sat so thought it might be related. She seemed much perkier today and ate rice krispies for breakfast and 2 yoghurts plus some banana. However she was sick about 30 mins ago so clearly not right. She foes to nursery whilst I work 3 days a week. I work school hours and ds aged 7 is obviously at school.
She loves nursery and has really settled there. I rang my work as she can't go to nursery whilst sick (And I wouldn't want her to) to explain situation. Dh will be working away and I have no family (all live away) or friends (all work) who can have her.
My boss was very sharp with me, saying I have a diary (I am an adviser with appointments-jobcentre) so I cannot take time off every time a child is sick. With my ds it was never much of an issue, he wasn't sick very much. My dd has only been at nursery 2 months so still susceptible to picking up every bug going and this is 1st time I have done this with her. I am at different jobcentre who seem to do things by the book more than old one. Boss says I need to put back up plan in place so this doesn't happen again and should think about childminder. I know she's not wrong but she was so short. I apologised and said I know it causes inconvenience but I burst into tears after call. She really was horrible. I'm not sure what to do re childcare and also is it ok to be spoken to like that? Its hard juggling it all as I'm sure you all know. :(

OP posts:

ClaimedByMe · 16/04/2012 12:00

Im not too sure a childminder would take a sick child either!

I have no real advice other than have a cuppa and a biscuit your boss is maybe just having an off day and took it out on you.

doingthehokeycokey · 16/04/2012 12:05

Oh cheekymonkey how upsetting - and when your lo is ill. Dont take it to heart. As claimed says, she may just be having a bad day. But it's all wrong that we have to be defensive about taking time off to care for our DC's. I must say, I would be tempted to lie next time and just say you are not feeling well. Wrong, I know but the workplace is so slanted against working parents

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten · 16/04/2012 12:10

Shes talking through her arse. Most cm don't take sick children although some might they are not supposed to. Sorry she has been so nasty, I don't know what to suggest apart froma a nanny.

FaceCrack · 16/04/2012 12:12

We've got a nanny share. I've had to take today off anyway as DD is sick and I didn't want her giving it to the little boy e shares with.
I've told work I was sick - I had a full morning of appointments too. It's bloody awful, I felt like crying too.

thisisyesterday · 16/04/2012 12:23

oh poor you.
no-one will take a sick child, so it isn't about having a back-up plan.

i thought everyone was entitled to a certain amount of (unpaid) time off? parental leave or whatever it is called, to cover things like this?

i can understand that it is hard getting cover at such short notice, but it's just one of those things isn't it? are they this unkind if you are unwell yourself? because it's the same effect on them isn't it?

Northernlurker · 16/04/2012 12:29

Your boss was out of order. You're not a child, you know you have a diary but you can't send a sick child to any sort of childcare. If you don't have a relative or friend who can step in then you are stuck. I know, I've always been in that position. Today dd3 isn't well enough for school, fortunately dh is working from home. If she isn't great tomorrow I will take a day carers leave.

Don't be upset. You're a working parent. This WILL happen. It's not worth becoming upset over it. You can't help it. It's not going to happen much but it will happen again. Next time your boss starts just say ' I'm sorry for the inconvience but I need to care for my sick child'. don't get drawn in to what you 'should' be able to arrange. You need to be with your child on this occasion and that's the end of the matter.

boredandrestless · 16/04/2012 12:33

A cm is the same as a nany in that they will not take a sick child in.

Your manager was out of order, you don't need it pointing out to yo that you have appointments - what can you do!?! Nothing!

You can try to find someone able to have a sick child but doubt you will find anyone - maybe a nanny agency? (Which will cost) It's your manager that is the problem not your childcare.

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 12:39

I am sure parents are entitled to time off to care for sick children - don't know what the legal position is but I don't think I've dreamt that. Probably worth checking out so you can feel stronger if it comes up again.

Some employers have specific policy for carers time off - can you look in your employee handbook?

Technoviking · 16/04/2012 12:48

Don't tell your employer your dd is sick, say you are.

DowagersHump · 16/04/2012 12:53

Your rights

It's horrible when employers are vile when you take time off for sick children and it always happens when you return to work after ML because they get more exposure to bugs when they start nursery.

Try and let her unpleasantness roll off you if you can but I know how hard it can be :(

chipmonkey · 16/04/2012 13:19

I remember my boss saying similar to me when ds1 was small. I had to explain that we literally had no one else. MIL worked herself, my Mum lived a 2 hour drive away and there was no one else. Childminders are not supposed to take sick children although I know one colleague's childminder does but she only minds colleague's dc's so maybe that's different? At the time a nanny was extortionately expensive and in any case when I had spoken to a Nanny agency they thought it was unlikely a nanny would want to work live-out in my area.
Does your boss have children? Mine improved once she got her own!

Boysrstupid · 16/04/2012 13:28

Do not lie infuture. You are the parent of a small child who needs her Mum when she's ill.
I used to work for dwp so am very aware of the office politics involved i who will cover your your diary. Funny thing is if 1 of your customers rang in to FTA as had to care for a sick child with no support they would be excused.
On your return to work, tell her you do not appreciate her tone and you ARE entitiled to parental leave. End of.

titchy · 16/04/2012 13:31

Email boss and state you are taking today as unpaid statutory dependants' leave which you are entitled to. THIS IS YOUR RIGHT! Maybe offer to take it as leave if you're feeling generous.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 16/04/2012 13:41

Oh you have all been lovely- thank you! She TOLD me it is a days leave and she will do it this time but NOT again!!! Good point boysrstupid about a customer FTAing!
I just think right now I need to concentrate on dd. Can't we sling it out when we get back? The coldness was breathtaking. Have not been sick myself yet so haven't crossed that one (have transferred to jc nearer my home).
I didn't think a cm would take in a sick child either and anyway I want to be with her with she is poorly but perhaps thats a privilege rather than a right?!
I will have a look at the link. Thanks again all. Just back from docs and its a virus. They insinuated I was wasting their time! car has also failed mot so all in all a shit day!!!!!! Hope everyone is having a better one :)

OP posts:

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 13:45

Sounds like a crap day! Hope your extra hugs from dd helps.

What is her alternative to making it a days leave?? That is for her benefit not yours! You are entitled to take it on top of your leave!

She sounds like a silly mare who has some people management skills to learn.

MistyB · 16/04/2012 13:46

When you get back to work take a copy of the policy on this area so you have it to hand for next time. If your child was likely to be off nursery for longer than a day or so, for example with chicken pox, you would be obliged to find another solution eg family to travel to yours to help, temporary nanny, taking leave or sharing the time off with your DH. It can be useful to have these ideas to share once your right to emergency time off has expired. Perhaps offer to make the time up if your DD's nursery can have her on your normal days off when she is better. Killing an aggressive and wrong person's argument with facts and reasonableness is the best approach!!

morethanpotatoprints · 17/04/2012 21:14

I do feel for you, honestly. I wish employers would get their acts together whilst its not your fault they should make sure your diary can be covered. I have had several important appointments cancelled due to mothers(not fathers going home to care for sick children). I am diabetic and have to wait yes a full year for a podiatary appointment and I need this as I have complications. No less than 6 appointments in 3 weeks, all health related some on lists. They bring in laws to make it easier for 2 parents to work but don't think about the consequences.

Iamgiulietta · 19/04/2012 00:12

Just ring them and say you're not well. Kids come first xxx

daenerysstormborn · 19/04/2012 00:22

your boss is wrong, you can take time off, used to be called parental leave (unpaid though). have to admit to lying to my old boss every time dd was ill, i'd either say it was me who was ill or that my car had broken down and take a days holiday at short notice. does your boss have kids of her own?

Original poster

cheekymonk · 19/04/2012 14:36

Not sure if boss has own kids. Had to fight the urge to say 'Well I take it you HAVEN'T got kids' on my return! Boss was very frosty but I was literally too busy to sort anything out with her. She asked sarcastically if dd was better but it was so hollow. I am going to talk throught it with her. I remembered that we have emergency leave which would cover this scenario. Thank you all again for your support.

OP posts:

Flip