Looking for advice from civil servants

[Campaspe]

I work as an HEO in a large govt dept, and have been there for 20 years, 10 years in my current grade. My job is to manage a large team of EOs (don't want to say anymore in case I am recognized).

3 months ago, I of my staff filed a complaint against me on grounds of harassment/bullying as he did not agree with the targets set for him. To cut a long story short, the complaint was not upheld and no evidence of any bullying was found. During this period of time, I had difficulties with a couple of other staff on my team who made it clear they were not happy wiht my mgt style.

The complaint took many weeks to be resolved. It was heard by my line manager, who discussed with me her disgust at the individual's behaviour and how she thought he was a bully and his behaviour obnoxious. However, to pacify the situation, she asked me to apologise to him and give him lots of praise to make him feel happier.

I refused to do this on a point of principle (oh how foolish on my part). I began to feel stressed and unhappy, regularly breaking down in tears in front of my LM and questioning my ability to cope. I told her that I felt panicky, found it a struggle to get to work and made some minor, but silly mistakes.

Last week, in a manager's meeting, my LM made some mild criticism of me for not having some figures prepared. I began crying in front of my colleagues and had to leave the office. I could not stop crying for hours afterwards.

I saw my GP the next day, and was prescribed 40mg of citalopram and diazepam to take as needed, and given a 3 week med cert.

I told my LM this by phone. She is not happy with me, telling me that I had bought it all on myself by failing to apologise, that I was too unbending, not good with people, and didn't seem able to change course effectively when a discussion was not going well. This may well be true. I was hurt and surprised by this as we've not had this conversation before, and it seemed strange to tell me this when I am off work sick.

My questions are as follows:

Can I get in trouble for taking 3 weeks off for work related stress? I have only had about 5 days of sick leave in the last 5 years before this.

Can my LM attempt to demote or sack me on the basis of my poor handling of staff over the last few months? I have had good reports up to now.

I work in an office of approx 300 people, all of whom will know from the office grapevine that I can't cope and have had some sort of breakdown. If I go back, will people despise me for this? Being honest, would you respect a manager who couldn't hack it and had gone off sick?

Please give me any advice you can. Thanks in advance.

As a fellow civil servant I'd say it's very very hard for them to get rid of you or demote you for this, the emphasis on them is to accommodate you back into work.

No I wouldn't despise you at all, we're all human and I would just assume there was other stuff going on in your life giving you a tricky time at the moment.

The fact you are fearing the worst is part of your anxiety/depression/feelings of not coping.

When I was in the civil service as an SEO I took four months off due to anxiety/depression and it was a very difficult time for me, so I really feel for you. I know how very hard it can be.

In response to your queries (as I understand them):

You need to look at your sickness policy (it is something HR can provide you with). In my department we could take 5 absences in a one year period, with a cumulative amount of 2 weeks off work. If we were off for more than this it was something that was flagged up but we didn't get in trouble. I think the system is in place to stop people taking lots of long weekends with "sick leave" rather than to punish the sick. Please don't worry about this, they won't do anything even if you're off for months and months, it'll just be something that is an "issue" if you have lots of hangovers when you go back.

As I understand it your LM can't demote or sack you without following proper process. One bad situation, particularly combined with a doctors note, cannot be used to demote you and definitely cannot be used to sack you. There are proper processes to follow for poor performance and your LM cannot bypass these. Again HR can help you here.

The hardest day in my entire career was the day I walked back into the office after my breakdown. It was truly hideous. Part of the problem I experienced was huge paranoia about what others were saying, and that really played on my mind in my return to work. As in most instances, it was gossip for all of 20 minutes before something more interesting was spoken about. Anyone who despises you/has a problem is a moron, and you need to not worry about it.

I understand that it's rubbish for you right now, but the best thing for you is to not worry about it (easier said than done, I know). You need to focus on getting well. Once you are feeling a bit better look into speaking to your union rep (if you have one) or staff counsellor and starting the occupational health/return to work process as soon as you are feeling up to it - it takes a long time.

I no longer work in the service as the nature of the work was a major factor in my depression. I did go back part time for a while, but my heart wasn't in it. I don't think that negates what I have said above, but wanted to be frank in terms of the return to work not being the right thing for me.

If you want to PM me, I am happy to chat in further detail (don't want to out myself too much on here).

Thank you Random, that is what my husband said to me.

However, my LM was annoyed wiht me when she spoke to me last, and htere have been lots of times over the last 3 months when I have sobbed incoherently in front of her and pleaded for help. However, she said to me that I am a manager and should be able to cope wiht some difficult behaviour. I don't know what I will walk back into, but just hope she doesn't tell me I need to be demoted because I have been unable to cope recently.

Thank you fishyfairy, how do I PM you?

Well it does sound like you need to speak to occupational health and tell them about these incidences.

Certainly when I've had time off the workplace dr wrote certain conditions into my return, part time working and building up, support with my workload etc.

Your LM has failed to manage you appropriately if you had been supported somehow in the begining then you wouldn't have got into such a bad state.

Thank you both for your replies. I am feeling quite anxious at the moment and any kindness or help is so much appreciated.

Hi Campaspe - just click "Message poster" to the right of my name on my post and you can PM me.

Your line manager sounds particularly unsupportive, btw. And you're allowed to not be able to cope on occasion. It doesn't affect your ability to do the job long term - if you had appendicitis you wouldn't be able to do your job whilst you were ill, it's the same with anxiety!

Do you have any suggestions for how I behave when I do return? Should I be toughing it out, being very jolly and stressing how much better I am? Will people be embarrassed by the fact I've had a breakdown so publicly? (I am).

I sent my LM an email a few days ago indicating that I wished to move on, put recent events behind me and apologising for the strain my absence would cause my colleagues. She sent back a one line reply telling me she would contact me shortly and in the meantime, don't worry about what was happening in the office.

Personally, I'd leave for good if I could afford to. It's not worth making yourself ill over bloody work. I have worked for the civil service too, twice (first time, perfectly good experience, HEO - but casual; second time, vile - clerical officer, part time. The civil service has a particularly nasty way of dealing with people it has decided it doesn't like, but it manages it all under a veneer of 'civilised' professionalism.

I don't know whether you could have helped the people working under you feel more happy in their jobs; there's a lot of unhappiness in the civil service, it being such a giant of an organisation and its staff being little cogs- dispensible and not recognised or valued as individuals. It has a great way of slotting square pegs into round holes, and the target culture causes a lot of pain, leading to the result that the quick and overconfident 'shovellers' are perceived as good at their jobs - but their mistakes are left unspotted far too often.

If you can afford to, break away now, and find a more human organisation to work for.

Please stop worrying about what other people think. It's not something you can change so you have to find a way to stop it worrying you. I would, if I were you, go back as you the way you feel that day. The stress of putting on a front will make a difficult day much harder!

I expect your colleagues won't be embarrassed. My DH had counselling through one of his jobs years ago, and he was open about it in the office. The overwhelming response was of people asking him privately what he was seeing the counsellor for and whether it was working as they were struggling too. I expect that plenty of your colleagues will be wondering whether they can ask for help with their issues.

Don't read too much into the one line email - your LM is right to respond, however briefly, as a holding response and telling you not to worry. They will cope without you, and your primary focus has to be getting better rather than getting stressed about the "difficulty" you're causing by not being at work.

How are you feeling now?

I haven't worked in tge cs however your story is very similar to what happened to me, except I stupidly did not go to the gps. Take tge time and action you need to get better. If you do what you need to do you will get better quicker AND stay better.

Your lm has failed you. Think about what support you need and make sure this is submitted in writing.

Good luck with your recovery.

Your line manager shouldn't be managing staff. What a way to treat someone!! Why should you apologise to someone who has made a vexatious, unfounded complaint?

Poor you. No advice but much sympathy.

Your LM is utterly shit - this was clearly a nice easy option for her. She needs to grow a pair and tackle the individual appropriately. But she is probably scared that if she does this, she is going to be next up for his aggression and accusations.

"Should I be toughing it out, being very jolly and stressing how much better I am? "
I think you don't want to work there. Perhaps go back, do indeed tough it out as it's much better (if you are well enough) to keep working as the longer you put off going back the harder it is. However then start looking for other jobs.