Can't believe I'm being bullied!! :'(

[runnermum1974]

Hi,

I'm really down at the moment and need advice. Sorry this is long...

I have had a successful and enjoyable career in business. Then, after having my LOs, I decided to make a career change and go into teaching Maths. I have a place on a GTP course, and one of the conditions was to get more classroom experience. So, I took a pay-cut and got a job as a TA in a High School.

I love working in the classroom and with the children. I have quickly got a reputation amongst the teachers for being enthusiastic, good at my job and professional.

BUT, the other TAs that I work with hate me and have been really bullying me. I feel stupid for saying so because I thought it would never happen to me, but it's true and others have picked up on it.

This has included: intimidating me (they're like a "gang"), picking at really petty things, making out that I always get things wrong (when I don't), verbally abusing me (e.g. ranting I would make a 'shit teacher'), discriminatory remarks (in front of witnesses), humiliating me in front of others, ignoring me etc. Really shocking to me, as I am so accustomed to professionalism.

Anyway, they made me so unhappy and unwelcome that I complained about them (me thinking 'WTF - I do not get bullied!'), and my complaint was investigated, and upheld.

I don't know if this was the right thing to do because, now, the TAs REALLY have it in for me...

They are starting to try and make me look really bad, and humiliating me in front of senior staff. The TAs make out that one of the senior teachers (call them X) is a bit "matey" with them (X wasn't involved in the complaint I made).

More recently one of the TAs sent out an email, directed at me, but copied in almost everyone who I work with, including managers and teacher X. The email is petty, but is clearly designed to humiliate me and make me feel very insignificant and worthless in front of X and managers.

I have pointed out the unprofessionalism and unreasonableness of that email and how I have been made to feel humiliated in my department. I feel like a moaner by complaining, and I feel that teacher X sees me as a moaner (which isn't true - this is genuine, and my line manager supported my initial complaint). As far as I know, X hasn't done anything about it.

And it's hard to cope with - I find myself crying in the toilets because I feel so sad and lost. I feel like quitting. Scared they are going to get rid of me (I'm on probation and only temporary). Regret taking the pay-cut to be so miserable and treated like dirt.

My DH says I should hang in there as there is only 1 term left, after Easter. But I'm scared that my chances at this new career path is going to be ruined!

Does anyone have any advice? Can I raise a grievance? Was my initial complaint a grievance?

I also need a reality check - am I over-reacting?

Feel miserable for you. What would you consider to be a good outcome from all of this? Is it realistic to think that the bullying will stop, particularly if it hasn't after a grievance has been made and upheld? Can you change schools? I think it's worse for your self-esteem to stick these things out and fight them.

This sounds awful, how can grown adults act like this

If the comlaint was upheld, what is being done about it? What do the senior staff make of this, expecially if things happen in front of them?

I would collect all of th evidence, emails etc.

I also agree with your Dh that you should definately stick it out, don't let these people ruin your chances of a really great second career

Poor you Runnermum. I agree that you may needto cut your losses and move on. Don't think that they have won. Honestly, you need to feel good about yourself and you don't need this bunch of crones to bring you down.

Listen, I posted in haste because I wanted you to know you're not alone. It took me about 18 months after i'd transferred areas before I felt that I could come to terms with my treatment by my line managers and colleagues. Don't give up on your career but see if there are any other schools you could transfer to. Speak to managers and say that they have made your working environment so difficult you want to leave. Good luck, you're not alone.

Hi

Thank you all for being so supportive!

Yes, when my complaint was upheld, something was done about it. It was also done very swiftly. It affected all TAs etc. They have really resented this and obviously I'm to blame. I also understand that it's only until my contract ends, to keep me happy, I guess...

The problem is that my line manager went on sabbatical, meaning that things also became blurred. That is when this teacher X stepped in, and although she is expected to be neutral, she has a subtle way of letting you know if she likes you or not (smile if she likes you, and deadpan is she doesn't like you) - and that's not something you can argue etc.

The reason the TAs don't like me is because they think that me doing things by the book (like working my contracted hours - they leave early, if they can), I make them look bad. I've also been told it could be jealousy (I'm from industry, they think I'm well spoken and this makes me 'posh' abd 'snobby', I'm going to go on to be a teacher etc.) but I don't know for sure...

I am going to consider my options.

Whatever happens, I'm pretty sure those TAs will be pulled up on something by someone else later on. (I'm not the first, and not the last).

I'm worried I have upset management by complaining though - does this happen?

They are plain and simple jealous - fuck em, you'll be moving on in Septembrer, that is no time at all. Head down and ignore (i know, its hard), leave them to their pettiness.

Oh heavens, I really feel for you. I'm actually in an uncannily similar position as I am a qualified teacher who has chosen to work in a TA role this year, which has frankly proved to be hell. I am having similar issues with the rest of my team, which continue despite management involvement.

I have another thread on here called, 'Would it really be so awful not to work my notice?' The verdict so far is that it wouldn't be and that I should get out now rather than let this wreck my confidence and make me so unhappy.

I wonder if the same would be true for you and that - assuming you have your GTP place all lined-up for September and that it's not dependent on you seeing out the year in your current job? - you would be better off cutting your losses and getting out. Depending on where you live and how fussy you are about what you do, you could probably easily pick up alternative work between now and then (probably better paid too).

I've always been told that if you dont stand up for yourself and put a stop to bullying then you will be more vulenrable to it and more likely to put up with it in the future, its also bound to affect your self confidence. Easier said than done though, I know. But worth it to follow your chosen career. Are u a union member? If so I would def recommend getting support from a union rep, at the very least they will make you realise you're not on your own and that you have as much right (if not more) as them to be there. People like that shouldnt be allowed to teach - what kind of values is it setting for the children

*vulnerable