Freelancing: a rant

[CoffeeMummy]

Ok. So. It's half past eight and all I want to do is veg out with a BIG glass of wine and a stupid television programme. But after a full day of toddler care, tidying the house (again), making dinner (again), doing dishes (again), putting to bed DD2 who's horrendous at bedtime (AGAIN) I now have to knock my pan in doing marketing work which I HATE for a friend's organisation and then, if there's time, freelance writing work which I love but which is getting me precisely NOWHERE at the moment.

I feel so frustrated and fed up with just how little time there is to DO anything. DH helps a bit but I don't think he realises/appreciates how much I actually do in the house or what I'm trying to achieve work-wise. And I really don't want to have The Conversation where I patiently explain all this and end up sounding like a whiney wife. He does pull his weight - a bit anyway - and he's been very busy at work recently. Plus he works hard, and he's earning money which we really need.

I don't want to be a SAHM but I feel like, at least if I was, I wouldn't have to put up with all the pressure I'm putting on myself to get some work/succeed in something (anything) and could maybe even just put my feet up at the end of the day and enjoy that big glass of wine.

Rant over.

OMG that is exactly how I feel. I look after my toddler all day (usually from 6am until she goes to bed at 8pm), and then start work (as a Virtual Assistant) until about midnight. Sometimes I think it would be easier to work for somebody else, at least then I would have my evenings free, but then again I wouldn't be able to stay at home with my toddler all day. I wish there was an easier way!

Look, like all us oldies discovered the hard way, looking after a toddler is an extremely stressful full time job. Also running a household is (at least) a part time job. So what on earth makes you think squeezing in another part/full time job is going to be anything other than a life-ruining nightmare?

Either get some help (childcare, cleaner, buy in ready meals, drop standards massively), or put your career on hold until your lo are at school, or accept it's going to be like this for a while.

If I had my time again I'd be a SAHM, for sure, and have far fewer wrinkles and would not have to spend a small fortune for touché éclat for the bags under my eyes. which you NEVER lose by the way.

Rant over.

I'll join you!

Slightly different situ...but I am finishing off a contract for a client which is taking up all my time during the day. So any development, other client work and biz admin is having to take place at night once DS in is bed.

I feel resentful that DH can "switch off" once the TV comes on, instead of feeling as I and you do, lets start work!

Are you able to access any childcare during the day? Or is the point you don't want to (not judging!).

I think you need to find a way to manage "yourself" as well as your time. My personal pref it so have a complete night off when I can, so don't touch the laptop. I am guessing there are others that are happy to just do an hour and then relax, I cannot do that! You are entitled to a night off too.

I think there could be room for your DH to be more supportive/helpful from what you have said. What about writing down the household tasks and assigning them?

I know he is the breadwinner, but by you being at home during the day (have assumed you don't use childcare), you are taking away the stress for him of getting involved in sick DC, childcare problems, childcare drop and collect...Life is prob much easier thanks to you. So in return could he get home early once a week and let you start work, or take the DC at the weekend for a few hours? I hate the fact I feel frazzled of an evening, and know that my work isn't as good as it could be.

Hope you are feeling better today.

Thanks for the support and observations folks. I actually do have a CM for a Thursday and Friday - my MIL often helps out too but she's on holiday at the moment. So I'm actually quite sorted for childcare - having said that I'm still finding I'm filling most of my spare time with work of one kind or another - if I'm up to date with the marketing stuff I still need to think of ideas for features, pitch them, follow them up and then there's research and blogging to be done to try and keep across all the latest news and online skills I need to have now. I'm a bit obsessed with finding more work or some kind of family-friendly job (haha)

I suppose I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed by the constant grind, without seeing a great deal of return for my efforts (apart from happy,fed, clothed kids I suppose?!)

Maybe something's got to give and take a back seat for a whole until I have a bit more time/clearer idea of what to do with my life

For tonight at least, I think work will take a back seat - the shopping needs done (I refuse to do a full shop with a 2 year old) and then it's The Apprentice - everything stops for the apprentice at least!

Hehe - I always spend time looking for a 'family friendly' job too. I guess being self-employed is the most family friendly job possible though. At least we get to be SAHM's in the day time, even if we do have to work at night and be exhausted! I also work 2 days a week and my mother comes round on those days to entertain my daughter, and I also work 5 evenings a week when my daughter goes to bed. I guess it would be lovely not to have to work but not all of us have that luxury so I guess we will just have a couple of tiring years ahead of us! Maybe we should keep each other motivated, just think if things go well when our children are at school we may only have to work 9.30-2.30, and be able to put our feet up with that glass of wine and watch some TV in the evenings!!

Sorry about the assumptions re childcare. Even with childcare there is still parenting to be done around it!

Working for yourself is a hard slog. As you say the actual "working" bit is small compared to the rest of the stuff you have to do.

Sounds a bit self-helpy but are you being "kind" to yourself? To me it sounds like you are doing a lot. What is the ideal life/work senario that you want? Worth writing it down and having a plan of how to get there, even if it isn't now?

I never switch off either. I am constantly thinking about my clients, my biz and of course DC, his life/needs, the house, DH, his needs etc. But then I was the same when I worked pre-dc, I just thought about work alot instead of my own biz!

Slightly off topic, but following an AIBU post about getting organised I purchased a family planner thing and it has helped me feel like "family organising" isn't just my problem domain. And DH is now slightly more organised thanks to it being filled in with names against it etc.

Online shopping is great and cheaper, have been doing it for 1.5 years. It still takes 45 mins to do a menu and the shop, but it is then done.

Enjoy your and of course the Apprentice!

You need a cleaner and more childcare. You also need to do your shopping online.

watersign I know what you mean - I'm always thinking about it, trying to generate ideas or plan something out when I'm looking after the kids or washing up or whatever - I feel like I'm multi-tasking or making the most of my time or something but I suspect a lot of the time I should just switch off and stop thinking about it because I feel like I'm always 'at work' even when I'm not!

BIWI - can't afford a cleaner. Can't wait til my MIL comes back from holiday and then I'll have more childcare...and yes, I think I probably do need to do online shopping. I keep meaning to, then putting it off, but I really will give it a go.

flower you're right too - I keep looking for jobs to see if there's something better, but really I know deep down I'm doing the most family-friendly 'job' there is! And I'm also looking forward to when it all clicks into place and we can make the 'flexible working' bit work for us for a change!

I think you need to make sure you can afford a cleaner! Just a couple of hours a week would help you - perhaps someone who could keep on top of your ironing, or cleaning kitchen/bathroom for you. It's not that massive an amount of money but will make a huge difference to you and how you feel.

Also, given that you're trying to do something work-related in the evening, why is your DH not doing more here? Why are you doing the dinner and the dishes and the difficult bedtime routine? Your work, surely, is important? So you should be allowed the time to do it. And therefore your DH needs to give you a bit of time in the evening to it, just as he has the time during the day to do his job.

Because the idea of doing a 'family-friendly' job actually means that your DH is getting away with little/no household responsibilities whilst you shoulder the extra burden of housework as well as childcare and work.

We're off on holiday today for a week so I won't be doing any work for a whole week so I have been working every evening until 10.30pm last week partly because it is the school hols too. Freelancing can be wonderful but sometimes I just want to have a big moan about it. I don't get any time to myself. I read for about half an hour before going to sleep and that is it. Sometimes I get up early and do an hour before the children get up. Last week some friends asked me to help them out clearing out a big cupboard for a local charity, which I did, but it meant that I had to spend the rest of the day working like a mad thing to catch up. Hey ho. I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Same situation. I can't afford any childcare though so do the lot. On top of that my inlaws offered to look after my children while i took on a job and then changed their minds meaning i missed the deadline and lost the client. Oh what fun