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Nanny has been deceitful, but is pregnant and unsackable...

34 replies

tanzie · 24/11/2003 13:42

Our nanny has recently told me she is pregnant, with her due date supposedly tying in with when she went home to see her husband in the summer. However, a friend of hers told me, quite innocently that Nanny's baby is due two months earlier than she claims (she certainly looks more than 20 weeks gone). The dates she has given me are supposed to tie up with her visit home in the summer, but do not (she is a month out). We sponsored her husband to come here in February for a 2 week visit, and now strongly suspect that he never went back (with the fruit of his illegal stay much in evidence!). He miraculously appeared when she returned from leave, as her dependent, but I have since found out that for him to be here under these circs, we would have had to have completed several forms agreeing to support and accommodate him. I tackled her about all this and the discrepancies on Friday. She stuck to her story on her dates, and I have now asked her to bring her husband's passport in, "to see if he has been given the wrong visa". She didn't look very comfortable when I was asking her the questions (I wasn't confrontational). She has now gone sick (first time in 18 months). I also asked her what she was going to do for childcare for her own child when it arrived, and she said she was planning to bring it to work with her. I said no way. She lives in most of the week, but rents a bedsit in the next town where she disappears to a couple of evenings a week and at weekends. I feel that she has deceived me over her husband's stay (if he is found and deported, we would probably be liable for the costs of his deportation), and that I can no longer trust her. If I sack her after her maternity leave (which is the earliest I can do), I will feel guilty as the family depend on her salary, and she would probably have to return to her country of origin. The kids also like her. But on the other hand, she has brought this upon herself! Any advice? She is not a great nanny - I was planning to have a word with her when she returned from holiday in the summer, but she seemed to have turned over a new leaf (now I know why!) so didn't. She is now even lazier than usual, and is getting on my nerves. I've been off work recently and she seems to spend the whole morning (when the kids are at nursery school, and when she is supposed to clean) with her feet up on the sofa reading a magazine and watching Kilroy or hiding in her room. A suggestion that she might do some cleaning, if she had nothing better to do, met with the response "Later". She knows I can't sack her for the next few months and seems to be making the most of it...

OP posts:
M2T · 26/11/2003 15:25

I am complete agreement that she should get the sack if in fact she HAS done any of those things. Is it not just Tanzie's suspicions at the moment and here say????

Twinkie · 26/11/2003 15:53

Message withdrawn

tanzie · 26/11/2003 23:15

I seem to have opened a can of worms here! Re going to see another doctor - the law here allows for this (remember, I am not in UK, and do have to cover her matl myself, she doesn't fall under the social security system here - anyway, I've said before that is not the major issue). I'm not interfering in her medical health, I just want to know when this baby is due. For planning purposes for a new nanny, as much as finding out the truth about her DH's stay. There is no way she is less than 21 weeks pregnant as her bump is huge(if it had been conceived in August as she claims it would be due 1 May, not 1 April).

Shame on me? What about shame on her for lying?

I also feel I should clarify - she is not just employed to look after the children, but to do general household chores as per her contract. It's not slave labour. She clears about £1000 per month, which is a pretty good wage for here, and has no expenses out of that. It was her choice to rent the bedsit, bring her husband here, get pregnant, leave the rest of her children behind etc etc...

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 26/11/2003 23:42

Get rid Tanzie. Sorry as I feel for her situation, you don't feel comfortable with her caring for your children - whatever your reasons.

annh · 26/11/2003 23:48

Tanzie, why is this woman still in your house??? You have admitted yourself that she has lied, that she is neither taking care of your children properly nor doing the housework which she is contracted to do, and that she has her husband (illegal alien) in your house without your consent. I don't care how important your job is or how difficult it would be to replace her. Those thoughts will be cold comfort to you if anything happens to your children because of this woman or her husband.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes it takes an outsider to pull you up to the reality of situations. I too have had childcare situations where I let the childminder rule me and it wasn't until someone else questioned what was happening that I realised how I was letting myself be used because I was trying not to rock the boat, upset the children, create aggro for myself through having to take time off work, search for a new carer etc.

You also seem reluctant to tell us where exactly you are (maybe Middle East?)but I have also lived abroad and if her husband is illegally in the country you need to consider the implications for your family if you have renewable work visas etc if he is caught and somehow linked to you, even though you have not supported his application.

miranda2 · 27/11/2003 11:45

Surely the best thing to do (though does depend where you live I suppose) would be to contact the police/immigration and inform on the husband? Then surely they can't get you for him being there, as as soon as you got suspicious you let them know. If they get sent away, that solves your sacking problem...
Its a nasty situation all ways round, though, I can see that. Sympathy!

tanzie · 04/12/2003 00:22

Quick update. Have now asked her 4 times for her DH's passport, "so we can get his visa sorted out". Not forthcoming and excuses, forgot it, don't know where it is.

Came home from work yesterday, girls' clothes abandoned on bathroom floor, bath still full of dirty water, paper and paint on kitchen table and floor with remains of supper on top. Think her days are numbered. If her DH's passport doesn't materialise next week, I am going to the Immigration Authorities. Fed up with it all, don't need this hassle, but still feel mean...

OP posts:
Lorien · 04/12/2003 00:46

I really don't think you need to feel mean. You have employed this woman to fulfill certain duties and if she is not doing those, then she has to go. I would be seriously unhappy about having her husband in the house. That is such a breech of trust. My nanny's boyfriend NEVER comes into our house (unless we invite him at a festive season party or something) and if I did find him inside, I would be furious.
Is your problem that you can't fire her because she is pregnant? Is that why your only option is to go to immigration over dh? Is there not a gross misconduct clause in the contract, which overrides the pregnancy clause?
Anyway, you really do seem to be in a bind. I sympathise a lot. Apart from going to immigration, you have another option (which I know is pretty horrid, but one of my friends did it when she was having serious doubts about her nanny) and that is to install a closed circuit camera in the house and see what actually goes on.
Hope that helps.

M2T · 04/12/2003 08:44

I think installing CCTV is a lot less horrid than phoning immigration when you actually have no proof other than what the children have said (I know that they wouldn't lie..... but really it's not hard proof is it??).

You don't know for sure if she is not 21 wks pg. So again this is just speculation and your opinion.

Firing her for gross misconduct after you have proof is the only way I can see of going forward with this.

Yes perhaps it was her choice.... but was it REALLY a choice??? You've got to be pretty desperate to leave your kids in another country to find work!

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