Who returned to work full time after a short-ish maternity leave?

[Gennz]

Hello everyone,

I am new here and I don't have children yet ... just a ridiculously premature planner...

My husband and I have thinking of ttc later this year (probably around October). I will be 31 - fingers crossed everything will go smoothly, but I thought we'd better get cracking in case it didn't (been together 11 years & married for 4 ... have spent our 20s having a great time and it's quite difficult to reconcile totally giving up that lifestyle!)

Anyway I'd be really interested to hear from those of you who went back to work after 3 - 6 months maternity leave not because you absolutely HAD to, money-wise (though of course it helps!) but because you wanted to or because responsibility in your job made it difficult to get cover.

I am a sole in-house lawyer with a job that I really love - I've worked quite hard to get to where I am and I can't imagine giving it up. To complicate matters, where we live (NZ) the opportunities to do what I do are quite rare - it's unlikely I'd find another role if I gave up my current one. My job is quite autonomous and the hours are fine (8.45 - 6, generally no later), it's a 10 minute drive from my house, so in that sense things are quite easy. I can't imagine that I'd be able to do it part time at all though (given there's only one of me) - perhaps I could do one day from home, but no more than that. I think we could afford a nanny and we have both sets of grandparents not far away so that helps. My husband is also an in-house lawyer, and would be in a similar psoition re flexibility - maybe one day from home or a 4 day compressed week, but not really in a position or with the desire to be a SAHD.

Would I be mad to take between 3-6 months leave and then start phasing back remotely and/or with a day or 2 in the office, just to keep my hand in? Has anyone else done something similar? My not-particularly-career-driven sister & mother think the idea is absolutely mad when money is not the issue (or not the main issue) but then I'm not sure they get where I'm coming from ...

Thanks!

From someone with 4 children who's done it all then a few observations:
1 - you won't know how you feel about leaving a baby until the baby has arrived, as emotions run high and all the best plans in the world might go belly up when hormones are raging. So always have 2 plans in your head, call it a "contingency plan!"
2 - Things change overtime, whilst babies/tots are adaptable you will find that a school age child will resent never being picked up from school and will be very verbal/dissatisfied about it, so building some flexibility around school pick ups occasionally will be something you will be likely to have to consider at some point
3 - Things vary considerably between having 1 child and subsequent children, the more children the harder it gets (obvious maybe!)
4 - Do not underestimate the increased need for some sanity time you will require, so it won't be the case of work til 6/7pm then chill out - no it will be doing stuff with the children and then catching up with everything else at night-time - this becomes worse as the children grow older (pack bags, organise homework/playdates and the rest).
5 - If you have grandparents and they are willing to help a good tip I have (not that we ever had any!) would be to get them used to a routine, like say pick child up from nursery/school once a week or look after them 1 day or afternoon a week or do something that they can build in their routine and will really help you - this will avoid lots of problems later on.
6 - Have a contingency plan for illnesses, there will be many and sometimes not all minor - this is very important to keep sane.
7 - Last but not least, make sure your partner pulls his weight as this is very important long term.

I hope that's given you some food for thought! good luck with TTC!!

If you can afford full time childcare, have grandparents nearby, and actually want to work full-time then it sounds doable. I would personally only leave a baby with a nanny or childminder (or another sole carer) though, not a nursery.

If the job can't be done in less than full-time hours, won't your company need to employ maternity cover? Plus you won't have to decide details such as how many days you are going to go back until you've had the baby, so I wouldn't worry too much about it at the moment.

Thanks everyone. It?s really good to hear everyone?s perspective and know it can be done! Most people I know with kids have not gone back to work, or if they have, it?s not really been because they want to.

We are definitely very lucky to have the option of a nanny and to have grandparents about for added support ? I think it will make it much more manageable. Also, living where we do in NZ. After living for several years in London I cannot imagine trying to juggle life as a lawyer and the London commute with kids ? hats off to those who do it.

Now we need to take the plunge and TTC! Not quite yet though - one more big holiday? (I said that last year!) My husband is actually getting quite clucky so my days of being footloose and fancy free are numbered ?

Oh and thanks itsonlyyearfour your observations are v helpful. I?d like to think by the time kids get to school age we?d walk or drop them to school, and I?d definitely want to knock off in time to pick them up once or twice a week. My mum did the school run when we were little but by the time I was about 11 she was working so we?d let ourselves in and watch TV til she got home at 5 (I bet you?re not allowed to do that any more!!).

And the chill out time ? my long term plan is for our next house to have a pool so that (a) I can comer home & have a swim and (b) all my kids? friends will want to come over so no ferrying them about cunning

i started a new job when DD2 was 9 weeks. Only 2 days a week to start - and then 3 days from 4 months. I am an in house lawyer too.

A few thoughts about going back at 3 months full time:

1. You might well be knackered
2. Baby may not be sleeping much - so you might be knackered
3. It doesn't give you that much time to establish breastfeeding. (i mixed fed from day 3 and and still doing so).
4. It won't allow you to introduce weaning if you are working full time. For some reason I didn't really trust anyone else to do this.
5. personally, I think babies start to get most interesting after about 3 months - and they are lovely about 6 months when they start exploring things. If you are working ft you might feel you are missing out.

Doing one or two days a week isn't the same at all though.

Ultimately - if you really want to go back then do it. But I don't really see why you can't work part time as an in house lawyer. I find it pretty easy. People just have to wait a day until I get in before I deal with it.

I also refuse to use a blackberry now

I went back at 5 mths after DC2, which was fine, but we had a nanny and I had flexible working.

Previously, with first DC, I didnt go back for a year. I wouldnt have been able to cope ay all at 3 mths! I had had a crash section, was still sleep deprived, couldnt have contemplated not breastfeeding on demand during the day at that stage and was in no way, shape or form able to leave my baby with someone else for hours at a time.

See how you feel when it happens.

Hi there. I'm 24 weeks pregnant and planning on taking a maximum of four weeks maternity leave. I am yet to find a soul who has done the same thing but I think you have to do what's right for you and trust that you know yourself well enough to know what you can cope with. Yes ideally I'd take a little longer but as the breadwinner and owner of my own business it just isn't feasible. My husband will take over childcare duties and be a stay at home dad.

I think it's more difficult for other people to deal with than us to be honest. I am a career minded person where he is the more nurturing type so I think he'll be great.

What I am most concerned about is the physical aspect as you never really know how difficult physically it may be to return to work so quickly but everything else I can deal with. Would still love to meet someone else who has done it though!

I went back when DS was 5.5 months (we live in Canada). I went back for a promotion as I knew we would be returning to the UK for good 6 months later and I wanted to work at the new level to give me greater flexibility/ a better job for when we got back. I'm working 5 days a week with DS at a childminders (who he loves). It honestly hasn't been that bad but we have been supremely lucky that DS has always been a great sleeper and pretty placid overall. Knowing I was returning back early-ish I did go the whispers Gina Ford route and it worked brilliantly for us. Not for everyone, I know but really helped us get into a routine (which was more for me as I was totally clueless...).

So it can be done. I think I'd ideally like to do 4 days, but that just wasn't an option with my job as it stands unfortunately. Good luck with it!!