Return to work sadness...

[lizzywig]

....and I've not even gone back yet. DD is 4 months old and I have just over 4 months off with her still. When I went on mat leave I felt like I was about to have forever off work, I had all of these plans, thoughts and hopes about what we would get up to and of course since I have discovered what it really is to be a mother I realise now that this was ludicrous! That's not what bothers me though, what bothers me is the speed that it's all flying by.

Before I went on mat leave I loved my fast paced job, working 8:30 - 4:30 but often being in the office by 7:30 and rarely taking a lunch break meant that I always achieved so much, was given some big projects and felt a huge amount of pride in what I did. However since leaving my brain at the hospital when DD was born I simply don't feel I am mentally capable of taking on the same job. More to the point, I don't want to. I don't want to be working those hours, I want to devote my everything to my gorgeous girl. I'm sure every mum feels like this but it's really just hit me.

I do want to work but I want to work 3 days a week so that I can be the mum I'd always imagined. My own mum took 4 years off work when I was small and then another 4 when my sister came along and to me she was the perfect mum and I feel sad that I won't get to do the same things with my daughter. Unfortunately because I bring home the main income I can't cut my hours and I am feeling very sad about this.

I'm not looking for any advice, just wondered if there were other people out there who feel the same. They say as a modern woman you can have it all...but I really don't think you can...

My main thought is: don't spoil the time you have left on ML by feeling sad!

I'm sure once you get back into the swing of work, you'll find that you cope fine. Work may not be as important in your life as it once was, but it will still be another aspect of your life of which you can be proud.

Try not to compare yourself to your own mum because comparisons are pointless. To your dd, YOU will be the best mum in the world. Also, your mum may have managed to take 4 years off very neatly with you, and then again when your sister came along, but realistically, I can't see many good jobs where you would be able to do that these days, and move seamlessly back into your career. Many women who give up for 4 years struggle to get back into the workplace full stop. Or end up in dull work which isn't fulfilling.

So - enjoy your next 4 months off, and then when you return, be confident you CAN continue to be a wonderful mum while holding down a good job

OP, I think I know what you mean. My son is 3 months old now so I still have more maternity leave to go, but I feel so sad when I think that in a few months we won't be together all the time any more. i am also really worried that I won't be able to ever put in the hours or energy that I used to do in my job. I am so happy spending all my time being his mum.

no helpful advice i'm afraid, i just keep telling myself that lots of women have coped with this before me and it may not seem so bad once I get used to being back at work

OP I felt just like that when I was on mat leave! Your post brought a little tear to my eye in fact. ( read it on my way to work!)
Of course it's a normal way to feel - but definitely try to brush it aside as best you can to focus on enjoying the time you have together now.
I have been back at work 5 months now.
It wasn't easy but from the other side I can reassure you it will be ok - I told myself I was lucky to have a job to go back to which I previously enjoyed, and I make the most of the week day we have just the two of us - it's really special in a way maybe it wouldn't be if I didn't have time away from her. I also told myself it doesn't have to be for ever - but for now I couldn't risk not having an income long term. Hatching secret plan to reduce rather than increase hours over the next couple of years helps me.
You are making the best choices you can for your family as we all do.
Enjoy the summer with your baby - it's a magical time.
I keep having pangs of nostalgia for this time last year just before DD arrived and I too was fantasising about all that time off work - it does fly!

I completely relate to your thread! I'm due to go back to work in three weeks time after taking one year of maternity leave (the six months turned into nine months and then a year)! Like you I have loved every single minute of it and can't believe how quickly it has flown by! I started to feel very sad about returning to work at Christmas time and at times will be overtaken by these feelings and the feeling that is is wrong to leave my daughter at such a young age. (Ridiculous I know as my own mother returned to work full time when I was a few weeks old and I am an entirely well adjusted human being who has an excellent relationship with my mum)... But yes I agree that you have to just enjoy every minute and not let the feelings of sadness impinge on this special time you are sharing with your baby right now. I am also the main earner and need to return to work (also to a job which I previously loved) but just can't feel any enthusiasm about going back. People are always saying things like "oh you'll enjoy the train journey on your own" or "you'll enjoy having a coffee break in peace" but I have to say that I enjoy taking a train journey with my daughter and I haven't found these words of advice particularly helpful! BUT I do think that in the long term, being a good parent is also about providing for your family and allowing your child to form positive and loving relationships with other people . My little girl will be staying home with her dad for two days (and going to nursery for two) and whilst part of me is very jealous as I would rather it was me spending those days with her, I am also glad that they will have the opportunity to build the close attachment which we already have by spending this time together without me. You also don't have to return to those same hours you did before - I think everyone understands that your priorities change when you have a child and perhaps you could arrange to leave work earlier when you return and then catch up at home in the evening when your baby is asleep? Sorry for rambling and offloading but just wanted you to know that I feel exactly the same way as you! Enjoy the rest of your maternity leave!