How to decide - heart or head?

[KatyBeau]

I was wondering how everyone approaches decisions about work, family, money etc. Should you just do what makes sense logically, or should you allow how to feel to be dominant?

Does anyone else struggle to feel or be logical when faced with the mental and emotional exhaustion that is motherhood?!

I went back to work full time 6 months ago after my first child. I hated the thought of any work with a passion and went through a heartbreaking flexible working negotiation where I had to convince myself that working full time was ok. Cue much crying and despair.

Now I'm doing it I don't know what I feel any more. My heart has become anaesthetised to it all. Maternity leave seems like another life. I get by. I know I'm not happy but can't work out what I want any more.

As for my logic, it leads me to conclude that I have limited choices, each option difficult. So if logic brings no easier answers, perhaps I should just try to work out how I feel?

Can anyone else relate? Does anyone else find the family-work issues totally baffling?

I knew I couldn't go back to work after having DD. Would just have been too upsetting for me to leave her and have someone else look after her even though I am sure there are many v good nurseries and childminders around I feel very strongly that it is my job to look after her (not judging any other mothers who choose to work or have to work, everyone is different). There was really no dilemma at all, I knew what I wanted to do and luckily we can get by financially though it is not easy to manage for money. My DH agrees with my decision to be a sahm as he is quite traditional in his values.

I really really love staying at home with DD - is the best job I have ever had!!

As long as you are financially able to give up work my advice is go with your feelings.

I went back to work part time after a year of maternity leave. I still agonised over whether it was the right decision. I really didn't want to go back to start with.
However a year down the line I know I did the right thing for us as a family and am glad I managed to keep my hand in (although it has been quite tricky juggling everything).

What helped me decide was that it didn't have to be forever. I could always leave if I felt made the wrong decision.

I think you need to weigh up what is right for your family- not just for now but in the future. What will you do when your little one is school age? How easy would it be for you to have a career break and then go back? Jobs like mine don't come up too often and it is perfect as it fits in with school hours and holidays. This was the deciding factor for me, although realise it wouldn't be everyones choice.

I think it has to be a bit of both- head AND heart.
Tbh I had no choice but to go back to work after dc1. We needed the money. However I am very glad I did, as if it had been totally down to how I felt, I may have felt it was just too much stress and hassle to return to work with a baby. And if I hadnt gone back to work, I would have struggled to get my career back. You do need to think long term not just the next year or two.

Why not seek a new job where you can go part time ? Best of both worlds!

Hi, KatyBeau. For me there was no question, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I left a promising career. It has been a struggle at times but I know it was the right decision for me as I feel I would have missed out if I hadn't been there. I say only go with your heart if you are prepared to forgo luxuries if need be. Otherwise if money/ career dominate, you need to think long term as well. Also, what do you see yourself doing when children are at school? For me I was happy with my choices and haven't worked since. My life is fullfilled and I have found my own interests that consume most of my time, as I couldn't stand just doing house work.