Does a live-in nanny have household responsibilities?

[expatkat]

I had to hire a live-in nanny to accompany me & 2 small children to a remote & unusual town in the US for an 8-month professional opportunity while DH remains working in the UK. It's not a typical situation for a live-in nanny:

• we live in a rustic little cottage -each of us shares a room w/ one of my children -It is all I can do to afford her, so we don't have a cleaner. (I gather many nannies work in houses where there is also a cleaner.) -it's essentially a single-parent household

Cleaning is not her job & I would never, EVER expect her to be a cleaner too. But, disappointingly, she does NO cleaning, not even picking up the children's toys or clearning the mess left by them at meals. I find I'm too knackered after work to clean, so I end up heading to my studio an hour or so late every day so I can tidy the house in basic ways.

On the other hand, she is an extraordinarily good nanny, and does other things, such as the shopping, which are perhaps not of the usual job description. She also drives me everywhere as I'm rather a phobic driver.

I recognize that she has an even harder day than I have, and I'm sure the LAST thing she feels like doing is dishes at the end of the day.

My questions to you:

-What should I expect of her given that she already does extras during the day like shopping and driving (or are all nannies expected to shop?)
-Given that I've already asked her once to help out more around the house (she apologized & agreed I was right) how do I handle this a second time without souring things?
-Is it too late to "lay down the law" given that she's been with us for 3 months?
-Is it easier/better for all involved if I just stick things out & live in an untidy house for the next 5 months?

When I worked as a Nanny, I would always clear up the kids toys,clothes,and do any dishes that the kids/I made. And I would do small shops of stuff that they needed but accompany Mum on a big shop with the kids to keep them going.HTH. Good Luck.

My SIL is a nanny and she does all the housework related to the kids. This would be picking up toys, making them meals, loading dishwasher and unstacking, making beds, shopping, putting away clothes, driving the kids. They have a cleaner and she irons, so I'm not sure about that. I certainly don't think you should clean up after her, so if the house is small she should probably pull her weight with this side of things.

I think the main thing is that she does this driving for you - if she did not do this would she have more time for the housework?

How small are the children, are they old enough to start to help around the house? If they are you could use them as an opener and say you want the kids to be fully involved in the running of the house and could she involve them in the tidying in a fun way. You could give some examples, like counting toys out loud as they go in the box, or taking the plates to the sink. If she just supervises their bits but does not finish off the jobs you could have a chat about how that must be demoralising for the children. She is employed to look after them, so by involving them in this way it makes it more relevant to her work.

I insist that the girl who looks after my son turns things off and puts things away "to set a good example". It's not really the reason, after all my ds is 9 months old. It really works though.

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Hi there,
If you have only got 5 mths left then I would be tempted to leave things as they are. If she is as you say she is 'an extraordinarily good nanny', then that is by far the most important thing. As you live in such a small space it would be uncomfortable to risk any bad felings or mis-understanding, and it sounds as if you would be really stumped without her.
Maybe you could try praising her a lot to see whether that encourages her to tidy up a bit more. Otherwise just try to ignore any mess that isn't a potential health hazard.
Good lick!

Whoops! I meant 'luck'.

I'd say she should certainly tidy up after the children - agree with the idea of getting them to "help" - I suggested this to my nanny, and it helped...for about a week. I don't think it's too much to ask to come back to a place where you don't trip over toys on the way in and aren't confronted with debris from tea in the kitchen. My nanny is supposed to clean as well - it's in her contract.

A couple of you have mentioned contracts. What should be in a contract, and how should it be signed--i.e. by whom and in the presence of whom? Is it quite a formal, legal document, or not? I'm completely new to this, as you can see. The agency never mentioned a contract. My nanny mentioned a contract at some point, but then dropped the subject.

When my nanny first started, however, I presented her with a list of my expectations--which did include cleaning up after the children.

Thanks, all, for your advice. Any else out there with experience of this--please feel free to join in.

We have a formal legal contract, signed by us and the nanny, and in accordance with the law of the country in which we live. She is not an EU national (we live in the EU)and the gov requires the contract before her stay here can be regularised. It sets out her hours, her duties (essentially looking after children, housework and ironing) her leave and her salary. I have to say that she is the laziest nanny I have employed - housework is minimal and superficial and friends who have stayed have said that her idea of entertaining them is to stick them in front of daytime TV (despite my saying they should not watch it). A contract is a good idea, but both sides need to stick with it (alas I have been too much of a wuss to enforce it!), and it really needs to be done at the beginning. I would say that now you either need to stick with her, as she does have redeeming features, and tell her that she should tidy up after the children, or just grit your teeth and put up with it for the next few months. Sorry, that sounds really bossy not intended to be!

..."them" should refer to our children (re entertaining them), not friends staying over...in case you were wondering...!

"child-related housework" is what I would expect. So clearing the table after their meals, tidying their toys away, laundry, changing their sheets, cleaning the carpet if they throw up on it I think you should expect.

Cleaning bathrooms, dusting, hoovering (unless they've been glittering or something) I don't think you can expect.

I agree with bozza & others who said "child-related" housework. But she doesn't do any of that, I'm afraid, even though she agreed to when she began the job, and even though she agreed a second time when we had a little "talk." Annoyingly, she started a big row betw. me and my parents when we stayed there for a wk: she left lights on, never wiped/swept away crumbs after the children ate; kept her rooms such a tip my parents tripped over her stuff when trying to retrieve (their) things. My mother got v. upset & took it out on me, saying some rather unkind things in the process.

Still, Norma & Tanzie are probably right. This behavior won't be easily changed, so it's probably best to stick it out & mention it to the agency when the time comes. All else is v. good & I basically have a good nanny. Tanzie, saw yr other thread--sounds dreadful.