After going back at what point did it hit you?

[sleepdodger]

I have a very ft job, and pre dc did long hours (willingly) in fast paced 'glamourous' environment
Dc is just 1 and I've been back 3 months using holiday to be 4 days
On that day off it's been a combination of spending time with him & getting jobs done like decorating etc
The 4 day time ends next week & it's just hit me this is it
No more time with him
Everything at weekends etc
Work squashed into 9-5 (dh banned blackberry use at home which is fair enough)
I feel like I'm half jobbing everything in my life :-(
It's a v well paid job with no chance of pt, i am main breadwinner so can't give up & Have bought max allowed extra holiday, but now feel quite stressed by it all at the realisation my baby is 1 & I'm spending my life at a million miles an hour and this is it, no summer holidays or pause time. I feel a bit shocked & sad
Is this a normal feeling? Does it pass?
Fwis dc at fan nursery I'm v happy with,
Thanks advice comments gratefully received

fab nursery

I've been back 5 or so months and it's only now that I am realising this is it, ds in full time childcare and no more holiday time to take.

Like you DS is in a great nursery right by my work but I think the lighter evenings are making me realise what a feb time I had on maternity leave and how much I will miss all the things we did in the summer last year.

Thanks hopefully it'll click soon

It hasn't really for me and many years later I am still finding the right balance. I've done it all, SAHM, full time, full time from home, part time...but each one has so many disadvantages and I do suffer from frustration at never being in the "right" situation for me!

I suppose for me, part-time has been the best for the family, not so sure for the career though. It's been a roller coaster tbh - good luck, I hope things take less time for you to settle than they have for me!!

It hit me suddenly when I took him in his pushchair a short walk to feed the ducks and suddenly thought that the next time I got time off just to spend with him he might be walking to the ducks and not needing the pushchair - I got terribly choked up and felt like his growing up would happen without me. It hasn't. And after a few months I really started to feel like I could juggle it all.

There are disadvantages to any way you try to work/spend time with LO, but you should always focus on the positives.

Yes I saw parents at the story-time at our local library when I went with LO on a rare day off and realised I'd not been able to go with LO at all for the 9 months since I've been back at work. The only hols I get are some of the school hols in order to fit around CM hols, but story-time is term time only so we can?t go any more. Also, every time we take LO to the park at the weekend I think, "I wish I could do this during the week" etc. Yes this is it. You just have to make the best of it. It does get easier to make the weekends work and fit everything in, but it takes lots of planning and packing things the night before just the same as week-days.

However I?d be wary of trying to fit in too much and overcompensate especially before the day time nap is dropped - sometimes LOs don?t want to do lots, they are too tired from being at childcare all week. This I found heartbreaking at first, as LO would sleep all weekend to make up for lack of sleep/excitement and activity at CMs and I'd still hardly see her. Some weekends it's good to simply free-play at home and not put too much pressure on yourself or anyone else by not planning too many trips out or exciting things to do, as they don't always work out if everyone is exhausted. Just enjoy being together as a family.

I don?t think you'll ever not miss being able to do stuff with them in the week though. Once they are at school that feeling may pass a little, as they wouldn't be with you in the day time for long anyway, but these early years are hard, especially when you see other parents with their children when you're at work or on your rare days off.

By the way babybouncer is right - you'll still see little developments or new skills before anyone else does. You're parents so you'll notice these things before anyone else anyway. You WILL also see their first steps or hear their first words - despite what you might think, you wont miss them. Sometimes i think you can get depressed thinking about all this, or can feel stressed and exhausted with tying to plan so many exciting things to do whenever you're together when you could simply be enjoying the time you do have, just playing with your child. Children don't actually care much about planned activities or expensive trips out till they're older anyway. They just want to be with you and play with you. We have given up trying to plan too much for weekends, and just enjoy interacting with LO and watching her play - it brings us so much joy!

I have done FT and 4 days and am currently FT in a demanding City job. I see my little one (toddler) for about 1.5 hours a day as he is in childcare from 8am until approx 7pm (combo of nursery and nanny). I have to say that the key to all this is making absolutely the most you can of your family time. For me, the key is outsourcing everything I possibly can ? i.e., everything I don't have, or don't want, to do myself. This means having a cleaner who comes at least twice a week, and does all the laundry and comes when the online grocery delivery comes, so she does the washing, the cleaning and the food unpacking/sorting the fridge. I have one paperwork evening a week, where me, and ideally also DH ? who also does a demanding job in a similar environment and splits the childcare responsibilities/home responsibilities 50/50 with me ? sit down and go through our diaries, the post, any documents we need to both sign, birthday cards we need to write, things we need to do (e.g. booking a boiler service, phoning the estate agent (we're moving house at the moment)) and allocate it/do it. This allows us to keep our weekends for family time. We don't spend half the weekend cleaning/doing home admin, but we spend it doing things together. We also make sure we plan regular holidays and really use them by always going away somewhere the three of us, and spending quality time together. It is a busy life, but we enjoy it and we enjoy our jobs as well as our weekends and holiday time. A few other working mums (including clients) have given me some really useful insight into working and parenting and one of the key things they have said to me is that your little one(s) really don't mind who takes care of them at this early age (as long as they are properly looked after, of course). It is when they hit school age that you really being there will matter. I plan to cross that bridge when I come to it?I don't expect it to be easy! It never is?

You've all been brilliant thank you lots to think about, I guess alot to do with finding the right pattern including remembering me time as such!

... even after coming back from maternity leave there's still the option of parental leave - you can take up to 13 weeks unpaid leave to be used before your dd/ds is 5 years old. It IS unpaid, and won't be popular at work if you ask for it at short notice, but is a statutory entitlement and might be a good way of getting a few extra weeks together each year.