Think I'm unemployable. How did you get enough confidence to go back to work?Help, need perspective!

[somuchtosortout]

Hi

I have lived away from the UK for 6 years because of DHs job.
Prior to that I had just started a teacher training course. I then taught for two years in an international school while abroad. I also worked for 3 years in an office after leaving university.

We moved country, I had another child and haven't effectively worked properly for over 3 years. I did a six month stint of admin work last year, again abroad.

We got back in the UK last year and almost used up all our savings so I could be sahm for dd (2 yrs now).

Money is getting very tight and I also always wanted to go back to work, so I've started looking at teaching jobs and admin jobs.

Everybody seems to want recent references, I'm worried my IT skills are out of date.

On top of that we live in central London and at the moment wouldn't childcare almost equal what I am earning?

So

Is there any point trying to rush back to work? I'm keen but DH is not as he thinks what I do at home for dd is more important until she starts nursery at 3 (jan next year)

DH is generally quite negative about the me going back to work thing which I think is not helping me gain perspective. I think he's unrealistic about how we are going to manage. He thinks I'm unrealistic thinking I'm actually going to make money if paying for childcare.

Did you manage to get a job you wanted after such a long break? Please tell me positive things!

Just don't know how we're going to survive with dignity between now and her free nursery hours in January.

Hope this is not too confusing! Please any help or advice welcome, just going round in circles here!!!

Could you consider adult learning? If you have some experience teaching in an international school abroad would you be able to maybe look at teaching English as a foreign language courses on an evening? This would help ease you back into the workplace at your own pace and would help you solve your childcare problem and get you some valuable references for when you are ready to move to something more mainstream. If you need to update your qualifications then you can take the PTLS course which should only be about 10 weeks on an evening at your local FE collage. It seems to me if you are in central London it would be the perfect place to do this kind of thing. Or, what about offering to tutor people individually?

You are not unemployable because the gaps in your work history can be explained reasonably.

You won't get a highly paid job so you will probably break even (roughly) on the childcare front so only point to that if you are investing in your career to get ahead down the line.

However, since your current greatest weakness is your lack of recent ref's, experience or IT skills, that time might be better invested in brushing up on your skills with an IT course or some such, That way you still improve your longer term earning potential but your daughter also benefits from a bit more time. Could you do a little evening tutoring to get recent refs and a modest income?

Thanks for the replies! It is really good to hear an objective point of view.
You are basically telling me what I didn't want to hear but hey, that's what mumsnet is for!

What's a ptls course? I'll look it up.

Evening tutoring has been discussed but dh is unwilling to shoulder the childcare when he gets home from work as he doesn't think we need the money that much.... I think that's what's not helping, the fact that any bright ideas I may have get turned down.

And I think we do need the money, I need the experience but maybe it's not reasonable to ask him to do dinner and bath and putting to bed when he's never been used to doing it on his own after a day at work...

Ok re-reading that makes me realise what a doormat I might sound, but there's a bit of sense in it no? After all I've taken on the sahm job so those things mainly lie with me.

TEFL is a really good idea, and if I could get paid decently and find something a regular stream of income it may be easier to convince dh. And maybe it could be after they've gone to bed.

I just feel so trapped, but I think I do need to gain perspective in that dd will be 3 and then start school, and I am probably overly keen to get back to work and get my career that I loved so much, and had such a small taste of, back on track.

Although much internet searching has uncovered a part time admin job, in my area, mon-fri 9.30 till 2.00.... How perfect is that?

Anyway, thanks for the wise words!

If anyone has good experiences of returning to work after such a long time out the loop I'd love to hear!

Still very confused, and writing in haste, sorry if this is very muddled, it's literally a brainstorm post!

Good luck!

I am trying to get back into work after 5 years of not working, and seem to be going around in circles too.

I think, the longer you are a SAHM, the harder it is to get back in, also as you do so much (everything) at home, it becomes hard to re-negotiate chores with your partner.

the way to "sell" it to your partner would be that it gets you back in the job market, so even if it doesn't make financial sense short term, it will long term.

Exactly. I guess it's just about taking the leap and then toughing it out to begin with until the family balance is settled again.

Anyway, good luck to you too!

I name changed to post this (felt my dilemma made me easily identifiable) so I will now disappear and go back to my usual name!