Still hurt with missing DD

[scarecrow22]

I went back to work when DD was 10m and was doing a three day week and enjoying the balance - missing dd but not too much, and revelling in her company when we were together. I have swapped jobs and am doing a 4 day week and I am gutted with missing DD. I see her for 1-2 hrs in the morning and for 15-30m one eve if I'm lucky on work days. Suddenly it's not quite enough and I am feeling so emotional about her and want to cling to her. I don't think I do(too much ;-) ) partly because she is mostly an independent little thing, but it's eating me up a bit. The odd thing is I do love my work, really love it.
Will this pass in time? Do I - as I fear - have an unhealthy obsession with her? She is 14m now.
Please be kind :-/

Sorrý you are missing DD so much scarecrow. Dont think you have an unhealthy obsession with her at all. What you describe sounds entirely understandable and normal. 4 months back at work isnt that long and maybe you do just need a bit more time to get used to your 4 day week/hours. But if you dont start to feel any better about your work/home balance, would there be any chance at all of going back to a 3 day week again/reducing your hours perhaps?

Thanks tunaday for kind message. Feel a bit tearful inside about it so much and seems easier to come to MN to see if I'm just being a wuss (ie it is normal!), which is reassuring. No option to do a 3 day week regularly, but over summer things might have settled down and I'm going to try to take a few more individual days off.
Thanks for reassurance.

Scarecrow you are not being unnaturally obsessed with your child at all! I went back to work full time when DS was 9mo old (no other option) and he is now 18mo.

For at least four months, I missed him so desperately it hurt. I used to sit in the toilet a work and think about his lovely hot clammy cuddles and feel so desperately sad inside that I was away from him.

I still miss him but it is definitely less bad these days. I also like my job a lot. Not that I love my son any less, it has just become our new normality and it feels ok.

Also, every month DS is able to interact a little better and give me back a little more in terms of communication so our time together is more easily used in a fun way. When I started back at work, he had to go to bed almost immediately after I got home; now he can stay up a couple of hours.

So what is normal at 14mo won't be the same at 18mo or 2 years old. And I don't think that after only four months, things yet feel "normal". Or they didn't for me.

Hope that helps.

Ruby thank you, helps for sure. I know what you mean about communication helping, but I also find it rather poignant because she can show how much she seems to love us being together. I'm especially tearful when I think about her laughter when I kiss her tummy, and she comes to me and takes my finger now when she wants me to join in ( or do something!). I keep telling myself I am blessed to enjoy her so much...though would be happy to wait til 6am
I think is a tiny bit complicated because I am super keen for another DC and DH is not, not at all.
Anyway, vg to know will get easier. And hugely helps to know I am not alone. Thank you.

You sound like a lovely mum Scarecrow. When I feel awful about missing out with DS, I remember that I too adore him beyond limits and that is more important than anything else. He does know absolutely that I adore him and relishes our time together and your DD clearly does too.

I would also love another child as I feel I was born to be a mum and give all this love out. However, both my empty bank account and boss think I was born to be a career woman, so I too am not really getting far with that idea....

That made me Ruby. I have same thing: everybody seems to define me by job, which I love, but being a mum is in another stratosphere of wonderfulness and importance. I hope to bequeath to DD at least less guilt about these 'choices'.
Good luck to you too.

You are so normal and sound like an excellent mum!

Thanks Woolly. Think DD would disagree with verdict. She regularly points out the faults in my parenting (unjustifiable obsession with making her wear nappies, bourgeois and unimaginative insistence that arms go into sleeves, unreasonable misconception that iPads were not designed for babies.... Her list goes on)...

Don't worry Scarecrow. Tonight my son threw a major wobbler because I wanted to make a call on MY OWN PHONE.

Cue total meltdown and screaming rage because if only he had known it was in my pocket, he could have demanded to fiddle with it. How dare I? What a cheek!

makes quick check to see who is in charge here....oh it's him

love it. They will inherit the Earth