To be tying myself in knots about another mother deliberately excluding my daughter from after school activities.

[desperatenotstupid]

This is really upsetting me, I guess i should just suck it up but I know this woman is pretty much doing social engineering with my DD being ostracised. My daughter has a friend at school, they have probably gotten too close and now, despite saying they are best of friends, fight like cat and dog. So really, the mum and I (the other mum is a perfectly nice woman, i really like her) have agreed without saying anything to avoid the girls spending too much time together as it ALWAYS ends in arguments. Her child is bossy and loud beyond belief and mine will not be told what to do and will have a strop if the game doesnt go her way - so they are as bad as each other.

What is upsetting me is this: There have been several after school trips to the park arranged by this woman, involving all my DD's other friends who are friends with the other girl too, and my DD being deliberately left out. I showed up one time when this had happened, it was acutely embarrasing and ended up with my child in tears as the others were already playing and thought it would be really funny to run away from my DD. I had to take my DD home as it was awful but i felt like i was punishing my DD when she wasnt actually being naughty. This is happening over and over and my DP says "well just dont take her there" but this is ok, but it means that she can't go to the park after school and is missing out. I am also concerned that this is going to repeat in the school playground as my DD is being pushed out, quite deliberately, by anotehr PARENT!

Yes, our children argue, yes, it is often better when they dont play together but FFS, don't engineer it so my poor DD doesn't have any bloody friends at all :( Shes only Six, this has probably outed me in a monumental way, but im hurting for my DD. It happened again tonight - it was so obvious that my DD wasnt invited (by the parent!) when the girls were all stood there saying to DD they were going to the park, DD asked if she could go, i said OK because why should i stop her, but knew how it would end so persuaded her to go to another park, but it was empty and she had no one to play with. My DP was with me and he finally believes me as he was pretty as he said that it was blatantly obvious what was going on.

As i say, perfectly nice child, perfectly nice mum and she can ask who she likes to the park, but when its pretty much all of my DDs little friends except her, its not exactly leavin my DD anyone else to play with.

I really don't understand what the other mum has done wrong.

You and her have some sort of secret unspoken agreement about not letting the girls be in each other's company.

She organised to go to the park. It's a public space, she didn't ban your daughter from the park, she just chose to ask other people (not you) if they wanted to go.

I really don't get the problem

And I really don't see why this is in going back to work

I have a similar issue with DD aged5 and one particular girl who brings out the worst in her! They flit from one friend to another at that age, so don't worry too much about her being 'excluded' from a particular group. Help her work on building friendships with lots of children so that she has other choices if a child runs away or is busy playing with someone else.

When you invite their friends round to play they will invariably spend all of that day together, getting excited about it, so ask her who she'd like to invite over so that she can start working on some new friendships.

There's no reason why you can't still be friends with the mum, even if the girls don't get on, just meet up without DCs.

"You and her have some sort of secret unspoken agreement about not letting the girls be in each other's company.

She organised to go to the park. It's a public space, she didn't ban your daughter from the park, she just chose to ask other people (not you) if they wanted to go." hatorinareddress - really!!? You mean to say if your child was part of a group of freinds and was being excluded from an actibvity that included that group you would find that OK.

I don't understand why people are being so rude to the OP. I know I would feel the same way if this was happening to my DD. I think the best thing is to send a few texts to arrange trips to the park for all the girls as well as invite a few of the girls for tea occassionally.My DD has a similar friendship with one of her friends. I have to admit I do avoid inviting this girl round but would not exclude her from group activities.

My DD was the only girl in her class to not be invited to a party last year. It was terribly upsetting for her at the time.I suspect it wasn't deliberate but it still hurt my DD. We feel our childrens pain that's why it's sometimes good to come on here for a sanity check. So no OP YANBU, you are feeling your DDs pain as I would too but so is the other girls mother which is why she is taking a course of action that in the future she may think was a bit barmy.IN the meantime, be the grown up and invite all the girls to the park.

why is this in going back to work?

what?I am losing it. I am sure I was in the going back to work bit.Too many

ffs someone give this woman some sympathy!!! shit like this hurts, being left out, whatever your age is crap, and even worse when you're feeling it for your kids, it could be any of you next week! your child could come home in tears, or you see them struggling with friendships, don't be so fucking quick to assume that the child, a 6 yr old little girl is to blame! this woman IS BEING A BITCH!! something must be wrong with her,who would seriously stand by and let kids be mean to another child, I have no good advice, but you could invite most of the other girls and their mums round for tea, she might get a taste of what she's doing then. You have my sympathy, poor you xxx

How can you possibly have an unspoken agreement not to let the girls spend time in each other's company and then be pissed off when the other mother organises things that don't include your daughter???

And a party is totally different. A party is a PRIVATE INVITATION ONLY event. If your child doesn't get invited, tough.

A park is a public space. If the kids are at the park then if they wanted to play with your DD they would play with your DD

Simples.

Oh dear. Why not just hang out with some other people and not get involved in the petty squabbles of six year olds. If your child is not getting on with the people she usually plays with, either leave them to it or find some other children for her to play with - children can usually manage their friendships without involvement from their parents. Life's too short to hang out with people you don't like or who don't like you, isn't it?