Have been in my current job as a healthcare assistant for a year and last week had my first appraisal. The feedback I got was a very mixed bag. On the one hand apparently I have "excellent rapport" with patients, especially the "difficult ones", and good IT and admin skills, but on the other I "lack awareness", "seem in a world of my own", "start every shift looking like I've just arrived from Mars" and need to "co-ordinate my workload better". The senior member of staff who carried out my appraisal said she thinks I'd make an excellent administrator and she'd write me a glowing reference if I were to apply for an admin role within the NHS.
I actually came away feeling quite positive but now the things she said have sunk in and I'm wondering if she was subtlely encouraging me to look for another job. I wasn't planning on staying in this job forever, in fact I'd considered switching across to admin, aware it's more in line with my strengths, but I want another baby (am going to start trying imminently) and thought I'd stay in it for the duration of my pregnancy and maternity leave at least, and maybe even go back to it afterwards (it's part-time).
In our NHS Trust people do seem to be able to continue in their jobs even if they're not good at them - on our ward we are all aware of a healthcare assistant on a neighbouring ward whose numeracy is so poor she can't do basic things like add up fluid intake and she has been working there for 10 years! I'm not comparing myself to her, because I'm at least competent at my job, but I hate the thought of people talking about me behind my back like they do about her. I already felt kind of a klutz at work, very self-conscious, and have often sensed people getting impatient with me. Now I think I'm going to feel even less welcome. Do I stay or do I go?