Not sure how to fit everything in. Support thread and tips needed. Who wants to be my life coach?!? (LONG sorry)

[fuzzPigwickPapers]

Had the welcome news that my interview was a success and I will be moving from 18hrs onto full time (and a permanent contract) :) absolutely over the moon with this, I love my job.

I am feeling just a bit nervous about coping with everything else though! I have also just started a 60 point level 2 OU course (would've taken a longer break but would lose funding etc) it's mostly reading and essays. I had been doing lots of volunteer work but will be giving most of it up :( possibly excepting some numeracy work in a year 1 class as it may help my career in the future.

We have 2 DCs, 4yo DD is in school and 2yo DS will start his free nursery in September. DH is wonderful and incredibly supportive, but has had a prolapsed disc and various other injuries for well over a year now (MRI scan next month, hopefully they'll FINALLY operate after). Obviously he's not working, ESA appeal tomorrow, if he loses he will be on JSA. Money is one heck of a struggle - the job, while lovely and with good prospects, is not very well paid at this level (public sector) so we do rely on tax credits and housing benefit for the moment.

Anyway, he's been a SAHD officially since I started my job, and he loves it but needless to say finds it very difficult physically, particularly as DS is in an awkward phase so school run is hard.

I am really excited about starting the new hours (never done FT before!) and I know I can cope with that even though the job is tiring (there are manual elements to it and I'm on my feet a lot) - it is more home life that I worry about. I have depression and while I'm on top form at work (it has really helped me after being an isolated SAHM and I just got through my first winter in 5 years without ADs! :)) I do really struggle pathetically with other things like looking after myself and the house. DH does his fair share (possibly more than) but neither of us are up to much, just about getting the DCs to bed/school on time and doing laundry/washing up when we absolutely have to, collapsing in a heap by 8. The house is a mess and we have loads of clutter despite clearing lots of it last year. We are surviving, not living.

I don't want to struggle anymore. I know I/we will never be perfect at looking after the DCs and the house, but I am determined to make a go of it and have a fresh, organised start to our new situation.

I have a heap of ideas/questions about how to go about (a) getting ready for this change (starts with new tax year, so 6ish weeks ) with a clean slate and (b) how to organise our lives more once I start the job. But first, now that you've read the situation, I would be so grateful for suggestions and experience from you lovely MNers, please

Also do post if you are in a similar situation, I can't be the only one struggling with this! Anyone up for turning this into a support thread? :)

Anyone? :(

Can I suggest the FlyLady system for your home cleaning?

Seriously helping my house look better. There's an ongoing thread over in Good Housekeeping. Maybe a bit twee in places, but the basics are sound.

Thanks I will have a proper look. I have taken a peek or two before and didn't like the actual site I'm fussy but I could still use the routines if they are good I guess? After seeing another thread I got the HomeRoutines app on my phone, so I could put the ideas in there I think, for my half of the chores anyway. :)

there are some other excellent threads on getting organising in good house keeping if fly lady doesn't suit - although I have to say when I had depression I found it a really good system -

Congratulations! Both on the new job and coping with all the things going on in your life with such a positive attitude.

I have had some times in life when DH has been very ill, and I've had to cope with working f/t, plus looking after the kids, house, etc. Luckily I have unbelievable support from the best parents on earth and currently DH is in remission, back at work f/t and although will always have to cope with effects of the various treatments, is contributing fully in the house again.

I've found Kathy Peel's 'The Family Manager Takes Charge' very helpful. You have 6 weeks to get match fit - so, best tips -

1. Get everyone on board and motivated. Agree what you want to achieve - which areas must be clean/tidy, who does what, what the benefits are. Get the kids involved and excited about it - even teenies can help pick up toys, put dirty laundry in the dirty basket, empty light bins. Get jobs divided into Departments.

1. Crap audit. Clutter is the enemy. Go round the house with a pen and pad, noting storage spaces (used effectively?) and areas of high clutter. Get some storage bins/boxes, label them, (tip, charity shop, ebay, car boot, whatever) and start with one small space. My kids are much better than DH at getting rid of stuff (or at least putting it ion the box labelled 'ready for another boy/girl to play with). I did this with my 'office' (desk in small space in bedroom) - was totally ruthless and the sight of the small clear area actually made me feel tearful with pride. Which brings us to...

1. Command area. One place where the calendar, post, important files are kept. You need a board of some kind (vital letters, stuff from school, appointments) and a large month by month calendar to store display essential stuff.

1. Meal plan - online shop (ideal job for DH?) around an agreed menu - you could do a two weekly one so you don't get too sickened off some meals? Nourishing yourselves is an absolute must and can take a ridiculous amount of time and money. Slow cookers are also a darn fine idea.

1. Finally - keep it simple. You are taking on a massive job. Give yourself a break sometimes. Make realistic targets. Hygenic, not immaculate. Identify stress areas and find simple solutions. Sometimes you have to lower your standards. Make sure (as per no. 1) that you are clear what you will and won't compromise on.

Phew - HTH! Fingers crossed for DH.

Thanks :)

Wow that's some great tips there balla, I totally agree with number 1 - we have agreed that on Friday night (after we know tribunal result and I will have been to work to discuss potential timetables etc) we will have a good chat about how this is going to work in a practical sense. He's generally happier to muddle through than I am, but is very understanding of my need to make a fresh start on this, so we are "on the same page", just need to define the details really.

Yep, meal planning, have seen lots on MN and will seek them out. I get bored really easily though so will try and come up with something with variation. We also have a massive slow cooker we've never used x2. Definitely need to look after ourselves, unsurprisingly we have been pretty run down, getting bugs a lot, and it'll be a lot worse if I get sick on FT as I won't have weekdays off to recover. On the flipside, I also feel like working more will help me get fitter in the long run as I don't have as much time to (a) sit around and (b) eat snacks!

Glad your DH is in remission :) here's to a healthier future

DH won his appeal! Thank fuck! :o

Money will still be tight but not nearly so badly as if he'd lost!

Congratulations!

Nothing like a couple of pieces of really good news to spur you on to get organised!

Indeed! I've felt quite wobbly today - months of stress suddenly coming to a head this week, feel like I've had an adrenaline crash.

Manager phoned to discuss hours, should have it confirmed tomorrow so we can talk about it in the evening. :)