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Just don't know what to do and want to talk to other mums who are happy when they're at work but equally happy when they're at home with kids and finding themselves torn

15 replies

Wills · 26/01/2006 14:17

Hi,

warning - this might be long - sorry.
When I came back from my first maternity leave I LOVED my job. Gradually that love declined as I had a crap boss. dd2 came along and I had one of the best years of my life looking after both my girls and trying to set up a new business doing up houses. I had to come back to work (because of money issues) but came back to a terrible time. My job had been given permanently to someone else and my old boss (now head of department) actively tried to bully me into resigning. It was awful. I fought back (i.e. give me a good redundancy package or give me my job back) and got my old job back. The position had been seriously demonted during my maternity leave and I had to report to a nasty little man. I've worked bloody hard for the last year and the teams I lead are now recognised by the business as extremely successful. But I've hated being here. The work is dull and boring and nothing challenges me. To counter this my dh and I planned a new life. Its taken a year, he's had to change jobs and start contracting to make up for my lack of money. We've sold our house and moved into rented accomodation in preparation for moving 100 miles away to a new town. We've seen a couple of opportunities in this town for setting up our own businesses. I'm 5.5 months pregnant with (fingers crossed) our third child. All things are go for me to go on maternity leave but really be leaving work.

A few months ago (when I was 8 weeks pregnant) a boss elsewhere in the company who I respect a lot offered me a spectacular position with him. I was truthful and told him I was pregnant. I then didn't hear from him until the other day (I'm 23 weeks now). At the same time I've just been given an appauling appraisal by my current nasty little horrible boss. I decided that enough was enough and stomped into HR who agreed that I had a good case for raising a grievance against him. The thing is I could very very easily scream sex discrimination. I dont' think that the new job disappeared because he found out I was pregnant. I think he genuinely wants me to come to his team and would sit out my maternity leave. However at this point in time I could easily say no and put in a grievance against my current boss and then give them a get out of jail free card by saying why don't you give me a decent redundancy package and I'll go away.

But the job seems soooo fantastic. Its the kind of dream job that doesn't come up that often. But my kids are growing up and they only do that once. But will I really cope being home full time with them round the clock? Oh I'm soooo confused as to what to do.

OP posts:
bossykate · 26/01/2006 14:20

hello wills

just one thing - does the spectacular job offer mean the move 100 miles away would be off? i.e. will it be a total turnaround to what you've been planning for the last year?

melrose · 26/01/2006 14:22

Oh Wills don't know what advice to give you, only suggestion would be take a couple weeks off (if you ahve enough holiday to do this) and spend the time at home with the kids as you would if you were a full time SAHM (ie not having lots og holiday "treats"!) and see how you feel?

I work 4 days a week and am not that happy in my job at the mo and have thought through the same things you are. i love the time I have at home with DS, but also like having the independance of work. Not sure how I would like full time dtay at home-ness

Is part time an option?

Not sure taht is any help, but feel free to bounce ideas off ne if it helps!

Wills · 26/01/2006 14:23

I agreed with dh (and still agree) that having us both out of the house 12 hours a day was not fair on the kids. So not completely but he would be the one to give up work which isn't a bad thing. Its more that in his old job he used to finish at 4.00 and would be the one to go home, make dinner, bath the girls and put them to bed. He didn't enjoy it. I resented the fact that he was getting to do something I adore and he wanted to moan to me about it.

OP posts:
haveafannyandnotafraidtouseit · 26/01/2006 14:24

tbh although raising a grievance against your current boss would make you feel very good, and he would totally deserve it... it's going to be a lot of hassle, which tbh i think you're better off without atm.

i would take the new job. you can always ask for a 3 or 6 month probation period... then leave if it isn't what you really want?

Wills · 26/01/2006 14:27

Hi Melrose. It would be a real high flying job. Something I had always thought I wanted. It will really tax my brain and I know it would make me buzz. I am scared to be at home full time. Last time dd2 was 6 weeks old when I'd persuaded dh to increase the mortgage to allow us to buy an additional house to do up and I participated in and project managed the doing up. I balanced this with being a mummy and was extremely happy. Just scared of giving up the position and of regreting it later

OP posts:
Wills · 26/01/2006 14:29

Love the name! I will have 6 weeks in the new job before I will go on maternity leave. Its not really enough time to make up your mind. If this guy had got his act together in october when I was offered the position I could have been doing it and making exactly that kind of decision

OP posts:
melrose · 26/01/2006 14:34

YOu sound like you want the job, but feel guilty about wanting it rather than being a full time Mummy, is that right? I can totally realte to that. I joined a fast track scheme at work when 8.5 moths preg with DS, everyone thought it was mad, but so glad I did it, if not i think i would have resented having missed out because of being a Mum.

If you turn the job down you are closing the door on it, if you take it now, you are leaving your options open for when you go back after mat leave. You ca always walk away after a few months if it is not working out and you can at least say that you tried it.

Wills · 26/01/2006 14:35

Which is sort of what dh said.

OP posts:
melrose · 26/01/2006 14:35

Wills also can totally relate to the being scared of being at home full time, I think i am too, but even more scared of admitting to that on this site and being lynched!!

Wills · 26/01/2006 14:36

A happy mum (99% of the time) is a good mum.

OP posts:
melrose · 26/01/2006 14:38

In terms of DH giving up work, does he have to give up completely.

My DH reduced his hours to 4 days a week when I went back to work (and so did I), so we have a full day each with Ds and he spends the other 3 days at nursery. Works really well for us, am always surprised more people do not so it noe that fathers have the same right to request flex working as mum's. Makes me feel we are complete equals in the parenting stakes

Kayleigh · 26/01/2006 14:43

Wills, I know exactly what that "torn" feeling is like. I have finally had enough of juggling and have started my own business. Am in the early stages at the moment but loving it and will be leaving my job in the city in the Spring.
I can CAT you if you'd like more info.

Wills · 26/01/2006 15:08

I work in investment banking. Parttime is an unknown word . Dh is a contractor. People are unlikely to hire him on 4 days a week only - not impossible I agree but blooming difficult.

I suppose I should realise that I'm not making a final decision. I could take it and still give up later.

OP posts:
Wills · 26/01/2006 17:20

Well I accepted the position. Hoped I'd feel enormous relief. Don't unfortunately. Still feel very confused.

OP posts:
MissChief · 27/01/2006 09:30

wills - can really relate to how you're feeling, wondering whether to return to work myself after current mat leave (2nd time round). But, as others have said, you really sound like you want this job - and to be given permission to do so. Remember it's just yourself & your family you have to please, no one else so don't worry about doing the right thing, being seen as a good mum etc etc. I know that's easier said than done though!
Congrats btw on having made yr decision - why not go out & celebrate over the w/e??

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