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Can't see how to do the "right"thing - opinions/experience/views needed

10 replies

Havering · 14/02/2012 12:51

So short version without intentionally dripfeeding...
On one hand I have the offer of a great role - company I use to work for, can pretty much dictate my own hours, no move down the career ladder, working with people I know have a lot of respect for me. The contract arrived in my inbox overnight to be signed and returned.
On the other hand yesterday I spoke to my DS's teacher (he's 5). He's struggling, I've wondered about Dyslexia and/or Dyspraxia but no dx and I'd have to start down that path. It could also just be "normal" 5 year old boy stuff

Having had both things land on my lap within 24 hours I'm in turmoil. I could stay at home for longer, support my son or I could accept the job. I'm probably going back to work more because I want to than I need to (short term anyway). The job won't really wait - and its a bit of a timing fluke that something in my specialism came up in my old company at a time when I thought the kids were settled into school and its not really a PT thing (nature of the role). If I do I won't be around as much for my DS and if he continues to struggle I will feel guilty as all hell. But if I decline the role I know I'll lose some good feeling with the company - senior management have gone out of their way to help me get this opportunity and they would feel very let down. What happens if nothing else comes up? And of course lots of Working Mums support their kids though school - and often bigger challenges than this - so am I just being a bit precious.

I'm having so many conflicting thoughts so any views/comments welcomed

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scurryfunge · 14/02/2012 12:54

I think I would go with the job. You can support him, as you say even if you are working. Plenty do.

LIZS · 14/02/2012 12:55

Why are the two mutually exclusive ? You will probably not get a diagnosis for another year or two but can ask the school to support him and then do so yourself evenings and weekends.

Havering · 14/02/2012 13:01

You are of course both right - and I think if I'd started the role before speaking to the teacher I would be absolutely fine (well probably a bit panicing but in control IYSWM!). I think its the timing of both landing on my lap at the same time that has made me question the whole thing.

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OddBoots · 14/02/2012 13:04

Absolutely go for the job, you can support him just as well while working and some of the stuff/therapies that may help may cost so if you are able to earn then that makes it all the easier.

Bramshott · 14/02/2012 13:05

You say you can "dictate your own hours" - does that mean you could negotiate to be around when DS is coming home from school / doing homework, and then pick-up the extra stuff in the evenings? What support will DS need - just support with homework, or is it more taking to appointments etc?

Havering · 14/02/2012 13:11

I can dictate to a degree so there will be evenign conference calls - geographical its pretty wide spread so no one will mind if I finish at 4 on some days if I'm then picking up again later at night but its a bit more adhoc than I can do this every day or on set days.
As for what support he needs its too early to say - teacher thinks he needs more help with homework (maybe extra coaching/homework) and will definitely need that next year if things dont improve. But ad hoc days finishing early doesn't really help there.
And I guess over time it will be time off for appointments - teacher was more flagging issues than insisting we go down that route. The latter is less of an issue as the company is pretty family friendly and being practical about it I guess by that point I'd be established back in the job

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Havering · 14/02/2012 13:12

BTW on a lighter note - can I just say I'm glad I posted here instead of AIBU!

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LIZS · 14/02/2012 13:28

He's 5 he isn't going to be set significant homework for a good while yet and even then it can be arranged to be done over the weekend when he is fresh and you have time or it should be within his capability to build up confidence. Appointments, even if you asked for referral today, could take a while (ds had 18 month wait to see OT) and you are more than likely to come away with exercises to practice at home/school and an occasional review. It may not even come to that, so take the opportunity now and see how it goes.

mnistooaddictive · 14/02/2012 14:12

I would take the job, you can always resign if it gets too much. You nay regret for a long time if you turn it down.

Havering · 14/02/2012 14:12

Thanks for everyone's comments. I'm sure in another 24 hours this will all seem like a ridiculous panic. But it was a timely reminder how the 'parent guilt' can kick in where work is concerned. Thanks again

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