I work in a job where my accommodation is provided at work and the hours are very full on-24/5 (16 hour shifts but I'm still on call overnight too). I'm due to return to work in a few months (after a year off) and have had some meetings about it with my line manager which have brought me to the conclusion that it's not possible to return. They are unable to give me hours off to do DD's bath and bedtime (and I'll be at work before she wakes up and back at about midnight). I won't see her or DH at all for 5 days straight. They changed the job this year while I was off-I used to have 3 hours off early evening to spend with DH. (Technically I believe it is illegal not to have breaks like this but they get away with it somehow.)
My employer allowed us to stay in the accommodation for the duration of my maternity leave. They had an obligation to provide us with accommodation but could have moved us to a different flat if they'd wanted to, and didn't, which I am grateful for as we didn't want to move when I was heavily pregnant.
There's no maternity policy (which I find astounding!). If I quit I don't think I'd have to pay back any maternity pay as although it's normally the case, with no policy it's not enforceable (according to legal advice that my employer doesn't know I've taken).
My concern is that they will be angry if I point this out, and this combined with the fact that I've lived in their accommodation this year while not working this will mean they won't give me a good reference. (It was never implied that the accommodation was being provided because I was planning to return to work and as I said they had to provide us with it, but I can see that it would be annoying for them that I've lived 'off them,' for this year if I then don't return.) I'm a good employee and they'd have no other reason to give me a bad reference but the senior staff are very difficult and have a precedent for being quite bullying.
If it turns nasty and I go down any remotely legal route I will in all likelihood ruin my career-it's a small sector, everyone knows each other, and my city is small too with not many employers of this nature.
I am thinking that I should offer to pay back the maternity pay that people would ordinarily owe in this situation in hopes that this will appease them. I can't afford not to get a good reference, but I equally can't see a way that will make working here viable as they can't give me any hours off to see my family. (It's not a job where I could go part time.)
I keep umming and ahing-perhaps the sensible thing to do is go back for a year just to ensure a good future reference, but in reality I can't not see my daughter or husband for 5 days of the week. I might as well work in and commute to New York! Argh.
Any advice gratefully received.