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Full time working mums- is it manageable?

69 replies

mrsmplus3 · 05/02/2012 20:00

I have worked 3 days a week for 3 years, since my 3rd child was born. Tomorrow, I am going back full time for a trial period and am feeling very nervous about the whole morning routine: getting 3 kids fed and dressed, dropping them off at various schools, getting to work on time etc. I am also worried in general if it will be too much and if it will be worth it: mothers guilt etc. So, my question is: is it better for the children if I work full time and bring in decent money for the extras in life or is it better for them if I'm at home 4 days out of 7 so I can really be there for them. I just don't know.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
mrsmplus3 · 27/02/2012 20:06

What did Kim cutler say? Missed that one. And why does mums net delete some posts? Is it at the posters request?

OP posts:
skinnymin40 · 08/03/2012 22:26

It'll be really hard some days but it'll get easier, you just need to work out new routines. Cleaner is a no-brainer, if you are working full-time, get one, you can afford it and it should be viewed as essential as the gas bill! Enjoy it, use that brain and relish those coffee breaks and child-free lunches, when did you ever get those as a stay at home mum!

mrsmplus3 · 10/03/2012 21:53

Thanks skinny min. Everyone doing housework- me and hubby 50 50 so I'm enjoying a very relaxing weekend with the rest of them.

OP posts:
HarrietSophie · 15/03/2012 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 15/03/2012 15:38

Ay up! Is that KimCutler in disguise? Married women...are you having a laugh? I think we need Xenia...

OP how is it going?

sweetheart · 15/03/2012 15:48

I used to work 3 days until ds was just about to start school then i got offered a promotion at work which meant going full time. I took the promotion but looking back now I think it probably wasn't the right thing to do. We were comfortable with me working 3 days and although I can manage 5 days I often feel like I do everything ok but nothing really well. I often feel like the kids suffer because of my work and my work suffers because I'm a mum. Yes mothers guilt by the bucket full!

And yes, my one criteria in going back full time was that some of my pay rise was spent on a cleaner.

EssentialFattyAcid · 15/03/2012 15:57

err what planet are you from HarrietSophie?

HarrietSophie · 15/03/2012 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

HarrietSophie · 15/03/2012 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

EssentialFattyAcid · 15/03/2012 16:07

is there any need to prove it wrong? It's a question rooted in a long since past and things have moved on!
who needs convincing?
women aren't defined by marriage so why is the question only framed around the married ones?

HarrietSophie · 15/03/2012 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Xenia · 15/03/2012 16:59

The first post said it all. YOu say you are in charge of all those things? Is it 1880? Most husbands do as much as wives. Why isn't sunny Jim getting that stuff ready. Give him a kick and ensure fairness at home.

If 20 odd years ago I could ensure I did not enter or sustain a sexist marriage surely women in 2012 have the ability to do so. Men are as responsible for finding childcare and getting home and sorting out nits in the hair of the child as women. Never tolerate even for one day any assumption that because you are female. Those of us earning 10x the man who had the sense to pick well paid careers tend to find this easier but even if you earn pin money in the relationship do not tolerate sexism.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 15/03/2012 17:01

Ooh, here she is!

PattiMayor · 15/03/2012 17:04

Harriet, you're supposed to pay if you want to use MN as a resource for your articles Hmm

MsWu · 13/07/2012 19:43

Had my daughter, returned to full time work when she was 9 months, never did part time for a day for 10 years. Not super mum, I was just ready to get back to my normal working routine and it will not be for everybody.

Working, whether full time or part time, requires planning. Paid childcare. Both you and the child know where you stand and there's little room for being let down. If you are responsible and managing that side of things everything is easier.

Is it manageable? Of course it is. I think its great, I don't care what anyone one thinks. So much so I have An ode to the Single Working Mum. Just doing what she's got to do. Grin

There?s got to be more than the daily grind
This hamster wheel is blowing my mind
Reflection says human feel like a rat
Testing my nerve with this and with that.

Sleep, wake up, have a bath get dressed
Organising the household is the real test
Rice Krispies or Cornflakes we?re in a rush
Your hair is a mess get me the brush

Where is your school bag?
And your other shoe?
And how many times?
Close the seat on the loo

Ride bike to school? No its too far
Hurry up and jump in the car
Right say a prayer, let us be gone
Oops! Hold up, I left the iron on

A kiss for my trooper have a nice day
That bit?s all sorted now I?m on my way
Searching for parking rush to the train
That?s all I need delayed again.

Got to the office, second half of day?s work
Coat still on and phones go berserk
Client is angry, boss holds his head
Looking around I?d be better off in bed!

(c) 2009 A. Anyanwu

JustanOpinion · 02/11/2012 00:51

To be honest never understood this issue with being a working mum.

My mother and all the mother I knew in my previous country (I was born in Portugal) used to work all they lives and raised healthy children (physically and mentally).

Never heard about bullying is schools of fights with knifes.

Now I met my partners which is British and I love him a lot. I love Britain but I never understood this working blame woman mothers issue when we decided to live in the UK.

In Portugal no one could afford to stay at home. Only the rich families had that luxury of spending all day with their children. We all were raised with the concept that a child needs to be raised more than with a mother, the all family and society was deeply involved in raising children like it used to happen in "primitive" societies.

Now I love the UK and is now my country too but this is affecting me a lot. I cannot really get it. All this blame for working parents, specially woman reminds me of chauvinism. In the second world war ( and we studied this in History) all women had to work in England and that's what society did to cope.

Then women were dispatched as objects from the work area when soldiers returned from war. We do not need you anymore... Instead now we have a society with poor representation of women and are our children better raised? more educated? I am not here to judge everyone's choice. I respect full-time mother a lot if that was a decision they made themselves but blaming all of the other women that are trying to have a career is not fair. I am sorry but this should stop.

To be honest I am a little bit tired to be pushed out against the wall when the only thing I am trying to do is paying bills, give a better future for my children and giving them a female role model that is of a woman working and participating equally in the society than the usually and "acceptable" way?

I am really tired of having people pointing the finger at me when I request longer hours at school and help towards childcare like if I wanted others to take care of my children. I do not. I just want as part of a citizen that society takes responsibility instead of holding responsible the "weak" sex... us

The all of the Europe has longer days at school and the government invests a lot in education. Here is foreseen like a pain and an excuse for working parents? It seems I am a criminal or begging...I feel like an outcast all the time.

Maybe those people that criticize me so much should pay my bills or stopping voting or having the right to do other civil rights like those one since many of them were accomplished and won by working women and... mothers.

Just an Opinion

chchchchanges · 02/11/2012 17:26

Loads of mums work full time. As do loads of dads. Of course it's possible.

orangeberries · 02/11/2012 19:35

Being non British myself I agree that this is a very British phenomenon, whenever I go back to my country of origin I am struck by the fact that the overwhelming majority of women who went to university and had a career pre-children would not dream of giving up their job - a lot to do with financial reasons but not only. There is a lot of prestige attached to women having professional jobs.

It is true that there is a stigma and a lot of criticism attached to working mothers in this country in comparison to others and it's a shame that women partake in this too by having a constant go at fellow mothers.

singingsarah1980 · 26/06/2016 18:53

I need similar advice. I currently work 6 hours a day while my two boys are at school but really could do with working 8-9 but I would have to leave my kids at the after school club every day. Is this mean? I worry that i would be a bad parent if i did this x

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