Full time working mums- is it manageable?

[mrsmplus3]

I have worked 3 days a week for 3 years, since my 3rd child was born. Tomorrow, I am going back full time for a trial period and am feeling very nervous about the whole morning routine: getting 3 kids fed and dressed, dropping them off at various schools, getting to work on time etc. I am also worried in general if it will be too much and if it will be worth it: mothers guilt etc. So, my question is: is it better for the children if I work full time and bring in decent money for the extras in life or is it better for them if I'm at home 4 days out of 7 so I can really be there for them. I just don't know.
Thanks in advance.

I know misty, I think he's going to be in for a shock.

I think that it will be hard work to start with but once you get into the routine, it'll work out fine. I've worked full time from when I put my ds in nursery at 6mths, he's now 5 and at school. On top of working full time, I of course done the cleaning, cooking, washing etc. if that wasn't enough, I also studied in the evenings and sometimes at the weekend. I did have strong support behind me from parents and dp . Thankfully though I'm not studying anymore as I passed (relief). Good luck for tomorrow and the rest of the week.

I work full time, although admittedly only have one DD. I am notoriously lazy when it comes to housework (clean but rarely tidy) so that helps. I do cool from scratch most evenings, but also have the advantage of working from home a couple of days which is a big help as I use breaks etc to keep on top of washing and chores.

Definitely do Internet shopping, it's worth it.

Good luck! I enjoy being at work and I hope you do too.

I also did a trial before Christmas, 6 weeks full time and it nearly killed me. I found it exhausting....my fourth child is 2 and a bit and I think what it did tell me is that despite the desire for more money etc (I definitely empathise with how you feel!) my sanity is not worth it, so I have reverted back to 3 days.

I think it's all down to timing though, I think that even a year makes all the difference, ie possibly when my third child is at school in September and my fourth is over 3 then it could be a lot less fraught. Also more beneficial financially as I would only be paying for 1 rather than 2 children in full time childcare!

Itsonlyyear4: I totally understand that. I'd like to do 4 so hopefully my bosses will allow that after the month trial. Even that one day, having 3 off in a row, would make a huge difference. The other thing is, my attendance at work is excellent as its easier to push on through illness when it's only for 3 days as opposed to 5. For example, I actually don't feel well tonight, think I'm getting my daughters cold. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem as we could chill tomorrow in the house but instead, we will need to dope up on calpol/paracetamol and just get on with it. Anyway, I'm beginning to sound like a princess and I'm really not so I'll stop moaning now.

No you're not I know what you mean as I've had the same thing happen to me. Also felt less guilty about shipping children off with a bad cold to nursery when I knew I would be off for a few days after, etc

However it's good to get a trial because at least you get to have a go and know for sure whether it is worth it and whether you can cope! Four days is a good compromise, I was thinking in a year or so I might ask for 30 hours in 5 days so that would be doing a 9-3pm every day and would allow me to do all pick ups at school, which would be really nice. Not sure whether they'll go for it though! Good luck for tomorrow!!!!!

Thanks year 4. Another positive thing I've thought of about working more hours is it will teach the kids a good work ethic and god knows they will need it with the way things are financially in the world just now.
Anyway, Going to do teeth etc now and settle down to watch some kardashian rubbish for escapism, before the rat race begins at 6.30am tomorrow morning

It is doable, you just need to be super organised and have everyone in the family on board. When I worked FT I got everything organised for the next day the night before (bags, clothes, lunches, set the alarm); I would put a load of laundry on first thing in the morning on a fast cycle and DH would hang it up; DH and I blitzed the house together for an hour (each) each weekend; online Ocado shopping; menu planning for entire week making sure we re-used things eg chicken roast on Sunday led to two nights of chicken curry; would also bulk cook on weekends. After a while it all became automatic and quicker.

By the way, DH also works FT and long hours in the City but still pulled his weight 50/50. That helped enormously.

Well just to conclude this thread, today went well and I actually feel quite excited about the challenge of FT, not to mention the extra income. Well just need to see how I am at the end of the 4 weeks and indeed how the kids are. I feel ive achieved something today and feel part of something.
I agree about being pretty organised however I need my rest too, i dont function well when exhausted and so i haven't done much tonight. I am more a morning person and after a good sleep I'll get up at half 6 and tackle the whole lot all over again.
Thanks for all the advice.

Hurrah! Enjoy it :)

shattered. house is a mess. but at least ive just done a full weekly shop online for delivery on friday afternoon.

You need to get DH to pull his weight with the chores if you are both working FT. Especially if you do not want to pay for a cleaner.

It sounds like you've been doing everything. This doesn't work if you are working FT. I suggest you start by giving DH specific tasks to do - on line grocery shop from a list? ironing? half the cooking? - you'll know what he's good at. Then let him do it. You will have to let him do it less well than you. You also all as a family have to live with the consequences if he forgets to do it.

It's not going well so far to be honest- if you notice the time in the morning I am writing this at you can probably tell- I have been waking up around 4am and my mind just starts going over all sorts of things from the previous day at work. The truth is there's a women at work who I feel has it in for me- she excludes me, makes subtle digs that I know are directed at me and so on. It's gone on for about 3 years but when I was part time I coped with it really well because I was so busy during those 3 days I was home before I knew it. I've been googling stress at work etc and I know if I go full time I will find ways to cope, I'm not a victim but it is stressful trying to act fine all the time and i miss the safe haven of my home and kids. Anyway, I'm going on a bit and I'm over tired so I'll leave it at that for now. Plus, its the weekend so i really shouldnt be worrying about this stuff just now. Thanks again for all advise.

Do you have someone at work you can talk to about her behaviour? Once someone else is aware they might be able to subtly step in with including you (x you seem to have forgetten mrsmplus3/x that's a bit rude etc). I have a similar issue with a woman at work and now that others are aware of what she 's like with me, it makes it more bearable. I'm actually starting to accept that the old hag is actually envious of me!

I bet it's too

I am FT working mum with 2 DC (4yo and 1yo), I am also studying for qualification, my DH is FT working and studying for Masters degree part-time, so we are really full hands on! We have a nanny 8-6 but she does not cook, so my routine after work is very busy - playing with children, bedtime, cooking, studying. DH helps but not as much as I would like but I can understand his work and study is more intense than mine.
What can I say.. you get used to it! I am happy that I can leave work at 5:00pm and I don't do overtime, happy that we both can (just about) afford studying, and hopefully our life will get better and better as children grow older... If I can read MN on Saturday afternoon, that means it is manageable!

i work ft went back at 6mth and yes it works
no your children wont necessarily suffer. at all
you will progress and maintain career, be a good role model
but you do need to perfect your really face and fastidiously ignore the digs and precious moments quips. mothers guilt is not an automatic given,you dont need to be wracked with guilt

Thanks for the very supportive posts. I'm feeling better but that's prob because I've been off for the feb break. Back to work tomorrow and feeling absolutely fine about it so far.

I have written down all the things that have happened over the 3 years with this women and that has definitely helped the 4am anxiety.

I'm also trying to get it all my angst into perspective, suck it up a bit and toughen up. If I need to work full time then so be it, lots of mums do it and it least it will teach my kids a good work ethic. Plus, I know I am lucky to have the opportunity as some people are desperate for a job just now.

if you work full-time, why is it your responsibility to dress and feed the children and clean the house? where is your husband in all this? make sure you don't work double! it should not all be down to you because it is really hard work and this hard work needs to be equally shared! definitely get a cleaner and make sure your husband is just as responsible for childcare as you are!

Now that both you and your husband is working fulltime you need to also make sure that you divide the work at home 50/50. He should do half of the getting kids ready, dropping them off, picking up, cleaning, getting dinner, shopping etc otherwise there is no surprise you are exhausted.

Godd luck and I'm sure you will be loving your new improved income.

Hope it's going well
Would 2nd others saying
internet shopping
cleaner
if you don't want to get a cleaner in what about sending your ironing out
family cleaning rota on a Saturday - to include DH
take away once a week

Molly mole- you really know what you're talking about, funnily enough those are the exact things I'm going to do. But not cleaner or ironer just yet, I'll get them in about 16 months once I stop paying nursery fees. In the meantime hubby and teenaged son are mucking in very well actually. This week is going much better than the first. I started off very organised and have managed to keep on top of things. The morning routine is beginning to sink in and flow a bit better. Food shop comes on a fri at 4 and it's take away on the sat night. I also do the uniforms straight away on the friday so I don't have that horrible Sunday night routine. So, fingers crossed ....