WWYD - I am in a right old pickle...

[LittleMilla]

DS is 9 MO and I am due to be returning to work in April. We have relocated and with my job staying in London, so I am having to re-apply for other jobs in head office. I am looking at jobs with my current employer and also elsewhere, but I have a niggle. I really want more children and ideally, would like about 2 years between them. Which would see us trying again in the summer.

If I apply for a new job, I need to be in it for at least a year (in my mind). But that would then mean we have to put having number two on hold.

I have been relatively successful in my career so far and up until v.recently, have been excited about returning. But now I am having doubts - will I f*ck up all future career prospects if I don't go back and just crack on with #2? Financially I'd have about £200 a month left after childcare - I'll prob need a nanny due to relatively long hours.

Does anyone have any thoughts or experience they can share? x

Why not leave a slightly longer gap between children? As you say, you want to be long enough in your job to feel settled in before taking more time off. I know some people return from maternity leave already pregnant with the next one, but many people wouldn't feel able to really throw themselves into their work like that, and need to feel they are fully part of the show before taking more time out.

The other alternative is to consider a shorter maternity leave. If you take the full year, it does make it trickier from that point of view.

Finally, if you will only have a small amount left over after childcare, then remember, childcare will double with two kids. So a two year gap may make it very tricky to afford childcare for two kids. Personally we left a bigger gap so dc1 wasn't too far off school age, but some people prefer to get all the kids out of the way and take the financial hit in the short term.

You just need to think all these things through.

Ps just re read. As you are thinking of a nanny, you may find its a flat rate rather than increasing with each child- so that will go in your favour if you have two fairly close together

I would really like to have just a couple of years between 1 & 2 and then think about longer (perhaps a few years) before a potential third.

My DS is now 9 mo and I still don't have a job sorted, so going back sooner isn't really an option.

I like to think I'll give it my all...so wonder if it's best all round if I just wait until I have had number two before I go back. Or is that career suicide in most people's minds?

I would definitely go back after dc1 if I were me. It's not necessarily career suicide to not return, but it will definitely make it a load harder to get back into work later.
Ime, when you return after dc1 it kind of gives you the impetus to keep going, even if childcare costs wipe out any profit after dc2. Whereas if you give up completely, have a couple of kids or maybe even have a 'late' 3rd child too, the years roll by and suddenly you've been out of work for a decade and you're really disadvantage compared to other women who will have recent work experience.

Can you return to your old job for a while and start trying for 2nd baby in summer? Then you can reapply for a new post while on 2nd maternity leave? I went back to work when my both DSs were 9 months. There is 2.7y gap between mine. I would not feel comfortable of not going back to work in between, and also felt a bit of guilt having 2 within 3 years, however we are not having any more children and it eases the guilt.

Childcare cost with two is a killer!!! Even though we have a cheapish nanny, it is still a killer (she is a monster eater, but that?s another topic). Think of that when you plan children.

Thanks confused. The biggest pickle is that I have effectively left my old job because we've moved areas and I am not able to do that role in the head office (which is near where we've moved to). Which is why I am having to apply for something new.

Argh, such a shag. I was pretty miserable when I left TBH, but still thought until we moved and I started to research childcare that I WANTED to return. But now I am not so sure.

Think I am just going to apply for some jobs there and elsewhere and see where I end up. Not sure it's worth stressing over everything until I have an actual job to consider.

Can you ask work to help you find something (anything) in Head office to keep you in work from a cv perspective with that employer. Then try for dc2 quite soon after. I've got 4 and gone back each time (even if only for 6 months between 3-4 just to keep a foot in the door. I make nothing after childcare but I keep my pension and the right to say I'm employed on my cv. Personally I think it would be all to easy to take a few years off but I doubt you could get back in at the same grade/pay. However if you want to do something totally different then that's not necessarily a problem.

Just had my first knock-back for a job that I didn't really want at head office, but thought it would tide (is that the right word?) me over. It was a specialist role that I know I am not qualified to do, oh well.

God, my confidence is already taking a kicking and i haven't been gone a year yet. Not sure I could cope if I took any longer out!!

Littlemilla - eat chocolate and drink wine tonight as tomorrow is another day. It was a role that you didn't really want and something better suited to you is waiting round the corner. I'm a great believer in fate. It's not personal to you - they wanted a specialist in that area and who wants to be a specialist anyway - onwards and upwards my girl..

Thanks Lolly!

Saw a recruitment lady today who has buoyed me somewhat. Basically I am shit hot and infinitely employable - yeeeeah ! Well, I do suppose she's bound to say words to that affect (or is it effect). But she's made me realise that there is life outside my current employer.

So we'll see...x

Exactly - I resigned yesterday after 8 years with mine. Off to try my luck in Nz. There are loads of new opportunities out there.