Advice on sending 2DC to nursery

[theenchantedhood]

I've been calculating the figures since Sunday night. I'm finding it incredibly stressful !

Despite finding a nursery that will take both DC and give sibling discount we are still left with -277.00 a month!

I'm exploring options. DP earns less but does not want to drop hours/career break as there is a threat of redundancy and I don't think he likes the idea of SAHD despite me thinking this is our best option. I however would love to be a SAHM but earning more and the current climate it is not an option. I'm really too scared to ask to go part time as I am one of 12 in a large organisation and the posts are sought after..

I don't think we are entitled to CTC as I owe them from misunderstanding the childcare vouchers which I have now cancelled. I think we earn just over the threshold and would not be entitled to anything anyway.

SO I'm wondering - if you were in a similar predicament - what did you do to increase your monthly budget? Did you have to change your hours?

Take it you get the £55 childcare vouchers a week and that DH could get them too as that could save you about £120-160 a month I think.

Sounds like you're working full time? I think you may have to see if you could do your 35 hours over less days -4 or 4.5 to save a bit.

Thanks for your reply Lolly. Yes - working 37 hours. I spoke to CTC yesterday. Turns out my daughter has never been included in our payments as I hadn't sent in her birth certificate - a big error on my part. So hopefully we should be able to afford it all!

How old are they? Once your eldest gets to 3yo you should get the 12 / 15 free hours a week in term time.

My DC1 is 2 1/4 and DC2 7mo. I can't decide now whether to go back now or in June.

Is either of you able to compress your hours, or do even half a day's work from home during evenings or weekends?

DH did compressed hours in his previous job. It made for very long days, but meant we only needed 2 days' paid childcare instead of three.

I'm feeling from the 'new team' that they want commitment and despite having no keep in touch days since I went off the have assumed I'm coming back in March (they did think Feb) so I'm getting nervous already about going back (diagnosed PND in Dec). Like I said I'm finding it all incredibly overwhelming - especially leaving DC2

I sympathise OP. Can you wait until June? I was in the same situation and it seemed better to have no income for the last few months of mat leave rather than minus income. Any GPs that could do a day of childcare for you to tide you over for a couple of months? (I know that sounds unrealistic but i just feel like the only person in the world without a mum or MIL who does this!) Compressing hours is also a good suggestion. Also just a thought, many people promise me a nanny works out cheaper for 2 than nursery as they are not paid per child iyswim. Or maybe a nanny share? Might not be worthwhile for you though as if your DC1 is born before Sept then this Sept you will get your free hours which will make a massive difference. Good luck!

I've just seen your other post . It sounds like you are having a tough time. Have you got a supportive boss or line manager? Could you tell them what's going on or just say you need more time for unspecified medical reasons? One of the things that swung waiting the full year was also being diagnosed with PND just before I was supposed to go back. I know I wouldn't have coped or rather coped badly. I ended up admitting to my boss what was going on and he was surprisingly supportive (in a raised eyebrow freaked out kind of way). I pointed out I wanted to be back at work with 110% commitment and I just wasn't in a position to do that whereas I am now. The couple of extra months to get the PND under control has made the world of difference. I was paralysed with anxiety about going back but with support the transitions been better than I expected. Are you getting any help for the PND? X

Thanks so much for the replies and thank you MrsDobalina - it really helps to know I'm not alone. I sought help from GP in mid Dec and started meds then and dose upped 2 weeks ago as finding it hard to leave the house let alone thinking about getting us all ready for nursery work etc! I'm anxious about being able to perform. I'm so forgetful. Some days are fine and I could go in and organise an event in a day but others are filled with dread (this week) I look at the front door and feel sick.
I have a new boss and they are committed. Before I went back on mat leave (was back for 6 months) I ended up speaking to welfare/wk doc and my then boss gave me the lowest performance score possible despite me working my butt off, pregnant and a 1 1/2 yr old. I couldn't wait to go. So that didn't help and I think I had PND with DC1. Then went into pit of despair in Nov starting to think about going back! I'm tending to leave things go and then confront everything in one day when I'm not exhausted (yesterday!). Oh dear I sound crap. I wouldn't even want me to manage right now.

Oh no that sounds really tough Your boss sounds especially supportive . I know it seems desperate now but you have to give yourself credit for how amazing you are already. Think how much you can already cope with and how much you achieve on a daily basis. I bet your boss would collapse with two tiny babies and PND. Just out of interest have you been offered CBT with your meds? I was a total cynic but I have to say its been slow but it's definitely helped. One of my goals was to deal with going back to work and though I still get overwhelmed, in those moments it's helped me find a way out of all that anxiety (but don't get me started on the forgetfulness, I exist by writing lists about lists)

But please be easy on yourself. If you need more time to get your head round things, take more mat leave. No-one will even remember how long you took off once you've been back a week (even you!), and my view was no-one actually cares even if you're busting a gut at work so I didn't owe them anything. And just wanting to have more time with the kids is the perfect excuse, plus no-one can argue with the fact you are financially better off by having more may leave! That is unless actually going back to work now would be a really positive thing for your head iyswim?

Honestly though, I could have written your post word for word 6 months ago but I promise you it WILL get easier and you will start to feel a bit more like the person that can go to work and organise anything work throws at you.

Like mrsdoblina says - no one will remember how long you have had off - I've gone through 3 mat leaves (on my 4th just now) and this really is the case. You only get one shot at mat leave to be with your baby. If you can afford try to see about taking more time. No one will care

Hello
Just an update from me. Turns out DC2 wasn't down on CTC books as I neglected to send birth certificate in so am hoping that will all even out.
Went into work yesterday and spoke to new line manager who showed me the new structures with lots of promotion roles but I don't feel confident enough with any of that! But I did mention going part-time until DC1 is in school and her reaction was quite positive as long as I could pretty much do my work in those days but we will see! I'm sure if I get my head down (stats work) I could manage..
My boss suggested using up A/L until I officially need to go part-time but not sure. With all the lurgies DC2 will pick up in new nursery I'll probably taking lots off like I did with DC1! Found a new nursery I'm going to see next week over the road from work so feeling generally optimistic at the moment and not so doom and gloom!

Thank you for the encouragement!!

Things sound a bit brighter! Really pleased for you and hope all goes well xx