Been a SAHM for past 9 years - need a plan for returning to work!

[BobandBenway]

Hello,

First time posting here and am looking for some advice please.

Background: I have 3 children, youngest is 6, and I am currently a full-time carer for him. However, I'm anticipating returning to work in the next 5-10yrs, and need a plan!

I'm 36, graduated in 96 with engineering degree, only worked for about 6 years (and only 4 of those relevant to my "career") before becoming a SAHM. I had planned on returning to work when youngest was 1yr old, but then he got ill and I had to stay and care for him instead. However, as I said, in the next few years he will be able to take on some of the responsibility of his illness himself / it will be easier, so I'm planning on going back to work.

So, by this time I will be 41-46yrs old, it will have been 14-19 years since I last worked, I will only have had 6 yrs work experience, and it will be over 21yrs since I graduated! Scary stuff!

I realise that I'll have to do some studying of some sort, as to be honest a lot of stuff I studied has been completely forgotten! I'm also planning on doing some voluntary work to gain some experience & confidence.

I have no idea what though! My previous work was in water treatment which I enjoyed. It was mainly analysis but I really wanted to get more into the design side of things, but I was finding it hard to get a foot in the door with no real design experience. I enjoyed the freedom of my work, I wasn't stuck at a desk all day and I was generally free to fit the day and tasks around myself. I also helped commission a new plant which was exciting though stressful at times.

My previous work (not related to my degree) was mainly admin, which I hated at the time as I was desperate to get something degree related and felt a bit as though I was wasting my skills etc, but looking back I think I enjoyed the organisational aspect of it, and feeling that I was actually really good at it!

So, I'm stuck at what I really want to do! Are there any websites out there I should be looking at? I'm not really sure what my skills are, what I'm good at and what I'd actually enjoy! I have a real lack of self-confidence which isn't helpful either!

I did think about something in the renewable energy sector as there is a lot of investment into there at the moment, and it's something vaguely related to my previous employment (I did a lot of environmental management type stuff in one of my jobs), plus it's something I'm really interested in.

I've thought about studying with the Open Uni as it's something I can fit into my life at the moment. I've thought about brushing up on my maths skills to start with. I really enjoy maths, it's something I was good at, I could quite happily sit and work out problems all day long, trouble is at the moment I can't remember how to do it! Perhaps that's something to start with??

I'm really starting to panic about it all and I need a plan. However, I'm trying to see it as an opportunity and thinking about possible career change, but as I said, no idea what! Would it really be feasible trying to start a career at that age (even though I realise I'll have another 20+ odd years of work left!). I'm just aware that I'd be competing with fresh, young graduates, and I really don't have anything to add for all the years I've not been working!

I just hate the idea of going back to work in the next few years and doing any old thing. I'm intelligent and want to use my skills, but it seems really hard for mums returning after a lengthy break. I'm also aware that due to son's illness I'd probably need something flexible, which might also be tricky.

Has anyone else been in this situation and got any advice? I'd really appreciate your thoughts! Sorry for being so long - thanks for reading!

Thanks! :)

Hi - my mum did a physics degree (so good at maths) then had a few years off and went into accountancy. She started by doing night classes whilst a SAHM and working from there and doing some exams whilst in a job - in other words it's something you can build up to.
Might not be your cup of tea, but an idea.

Hi, it may sound trite but I think it's an amazing opportunity! I strongly believe it's never too late! I've recently started studying for an extra professional qualification that takes me in a slightly different route from my work experience. It's really hard work studying/working/looking after a family but I'm hopeful the end result will be worth it! I decided on my course by looking at job opportunities and seeing which ones I liked the sound of and what qualifications I needed. Sounds pretty obvious but it helped me to make a plan of what I was going to do, how and when and also really gave me the motivation to see what I needed to do. I also spoke to lots of people to see what they valued about their job/career and that really helped, as did some short stints of work experience arranged through friends and family. Good luck with it and I hope some of my ramble was of use! Now back to my revision!

Hi, thanks for the replies!

Been thinking again and I'm still not sure what I want or need to do!

I think what I really need is some sort of careers advice - does anyone know of any suitable websites - everything seems to be aimed at new graduates!

Although I enjoyed my first degree, I didn't do as well as I should have (too immature at the time!), so part of me wants to go back and do further study and "prove" to myself that I can get a good degree! I enjoyed my work too, and would like to get back into that field, but again, all the jobs I'm seeing advertised are calling for people with more experience than I have, and I'm not sure how exactly you're supposed to get in and get relevant experience! Again, I'm very much aware that I'm going to be competing with people who are younger & fresher. I know age technically shouldn't matter, but I fear a potential employer is going to look at me and wonder what on earth I've got to show for all the years I've been out of work, and what makes me a better candidate than someone who's fresh out of uni?!

I'm not even sure if returning to my previous field is something I should be considering?? Maybe I'm just thinking of it because it's all I really know!

I never really planned to be out of work this long, and now I'm realising how hard it's going to be!

I suggest you look at job vacancies for something you want/can do. Suggest you look at directgov website and fill in the form which asks for your postcode; how far you will travel, preferred hours and field of work. For the latter you could just tick 'all jobs'. For me (42, SAHM for last 3 years, degree and 16 years work in related field which I cannot return to as no jobs and given my preference for school hours term time, teaching assistant seemed the only viable option. There are vacancies. I am on a course and doing voluntary work and yes, thank goodness, loving it. Good luck!!!

OP what makes you a better candidate are your years of experience managing a household! It IS valid experience, it's just important how you represent it. Work experience/ voluntary work will definitely help you work out what you enjoy doing and what you can manage with your family. It will also be good for your CV too. Job sites wise: what about temping agencies so you can register and get on their books and use them for help and some advice. I wish you all the best.

Hi, this is my first posting too, and I was glad to read your thoughts. I am trying to return to work after 15 years at home, and despite having a degree, professional qualification and 12 years work experience i am finding it very difficult even to get an interview. I have to confess to feeling like a waste of space!! I keep a look out in the local paper and internet sites but not much luck so far, i will just keep trying

Hello again,

I know it's been a few months since I posted (and then I forgot what name I'd used!), but I'm feeling really down about my prospects.

I'd contatced some of my old colleagues to ask them for advice, hoping to speak to some of the other engineers there, but basically they are as clueless as I am (male dominated industry, never come across a woman returning after a career break before!), and my (poor) degree seems to be the problem.

I could kick myself - 20yrs ago I had brilliant exam results, a positive attitude etc etc, eager to start uni and then it all went downhill. I know now looking back that I was just too immature, and if I could go back in time I would kick myself! But I am stuck with my poor degree and it is a handicap - it's the first thing people see and it is a failure. I don't have anything else to fall back on - my paltry few years of working aren't anything to get excited about in terms of experience gained.

I know I need to do further study, but I'd never get on to any of the postgrad courses that appeal to me, so I have to start at the beginning again.

I've contacted a few of the professional institutions for my industry for advice, but again the first thing they all want to know is about my degree. It seems this is stopping me getting onto the courses I want and need to do, and also stopping me getting into the industry at all without substantial experience to back it up, and I cannot get in any way to get experience because of my failed degree! I feel like the past 20yrs have all been a waste and I am right back where I started. I'm also painfully aware that I'm going to be going back into the job market with basically nothing to show for those 20yrs and at an awful disadvantage.

I've thought about changing careers but realistically, am I going to have any hope of starting a new career in my 40s? Who would want me, compared to a fresh graduate who can work longer hrs for less money as they don't have the family commitments I have? Is it even worth me spending money on another degree? I'd hate to invest time & money for the next 6 yrs and be no better off.

Anyone any advice?

No advice really, but a bit of sympathy.

I did a degree in languages, and got a reasonably good grade. Worked in industry for a number of years, went part time when I had children, and then became a SAHM in 2004. I gave up work because my DH worked very long hours and it just became too much for me trying to work, look after DCs and running the house all on my own. I loved being a SAHM, but would like to work again now.

I have done a PGCE, and am teaching (unpaid) one morning a week in the local FE college. However, there are no jobs in my subject at the moment, and when there was one, a while ago, in the the college where I did my teaching practice, I didn't even get an interview (or a reply). I thought it might have been because I wasn't yet qualified, but the job went to one of the students on the same course as me, and she hadn't qualified either.

I have also applied for admin jobs, but don't get very far.

Teaching would be great because of the hours and term times, but I also thought about looking for jobs with my language skills. There was one, over an hours drive away, they wanted the applicant to be English speaking, and completely fluent in two other European languages, and the salary was about £15000! I don't know if it is just me, but if someone has worked hard enough to learn two foreign languages fluently, surely that must mean something? That is below the average graduate's salary isn't it?

I understand what you are going through OP - it's not easy to get back to work after children, even when you are willing to retrain and work unpaid for a while.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you!

It sounds like where you do have recent relevant experience is caring for a sick child. If you´re thinking about retraining, could you make something out of that? I´m afraid it´s not my area, but could you retrain as a paediatric nurse or something similar? You will be way ahead of all the fresh-faced young people because you have been there as a parent - you have YEARS of intense experience.
Slightly unrelated but I have a friend who did voluntary work with adults with learning difficulties and physical disabilities and enjoyed it so much that she then trained further in that area. So, I think voluntary work is very helpful in getting some orientation.

Why do you want to work?

You could try temping to build up your confidence. If you would like to go back as a mature student, find out what you would need to do to qualify. An OU course might bring your background knowledge up to date and prepare you for an MSc

I can remember 20 yrs ago, when i was a fresh young thing, some women at my workplace who were coming back into work, starting new careers, after 5-10 yrs as SAHMS. They had to do more ed & training, true. The economy was rubbish back then, too, but my point is, that it was possible.

I am in similar boat as many of you, most like Primrose maybe but with a techie background. Someone suggested book-keeping, paying to go on a course to learn the SAGE system which she reckons is widespread in small companies, and a lot of book-keeping can be done part-time or flex-time.

I keep finding jobs that I could theoretically do that are both full time & at least 1 hour drive away, I can't quite face that.

My problems that I've no great love for anything, & there's a long list of things I'm rubbish at so they rather limit my prospects, but they are balanced by things I excel at, so am still hoping to find a niche.

Thanks everyone for all the replies.

I've considered doing something like teaching, or retraining for accountancy/actuary, but tbh it's not really something I could see myself doing.

I spent the weekend going over old uni stuff, and got excited about it again! I'm sure that returning to my industry is what I want to do, but I know it will be hard.

I'm going to contact my Institution again, rejoin, and see if I can network with people on there, LinkedIn etc, and see if anyone actually working in my industry has sage advice on how to get to where I want to be. I know it will take a few years, will involve more studying etc, and I'm prepared to have to start at the bottom, I just want back in! I'm looking ahead (years!) to becoming chartered, but again my degree will prob cause problems, so I need to contact my Institution to see what they suggest for how I can get around it.

I'm thinking of doing some maths modules with the Open Uni to refresh my skills there (and then the credits could potentially count towards a further qualification if I decide to do more), but I'm not sure if this is a great idea? I've already passed this level of stuff in my degree (and what if I fail or get a rubbish mark this time?!) - how would this look to a potential employer in the future? I'm hoping positively - I've identified where I need to brush up my skills and am doing something about it!

I'm still a bit apprehensive though - what if after a few years extra studying, expense etc I still get nowhere? I know it's a tough climate at the moment for everyone. Really, would someone take a chance on a woman who graduated 20+ years ago and has limited experience??

I think my main problem is lack of confidence. Anyone got any positive stories to tell? It seems like this is such a barrier to women - returning to careers after many years out. I never planned to take such a long break, I never planned on my son getting sick, I was so focused (and rightly so!) on dealing with my son that I never considered the implications of being out of work for so long. Maybe I should have started thinking about all of this 5 yrs ago!

Could you investigate taught MScs/Meng etc in your area? That could be a way back in. It could build up your confidence, and get you a support network of others starting at the bottom rung.

If you decide to do that, start brushing up on maths skills, doing reading etc now.

I think there is a massive barrier to SAHMs returning to work, I am experiencing same and I'm part-way through a masters degree to try and prove to the world that I've still got it, I'm worried it will not gain me anything employment-wise. I'm thinking of doing my dissertation on this issue actually.

I'm in same boat. Good (vocational) degree, worked 7 years, been out of it for 9years. Whereas I'm still interested in it , I could no longer do the job, and it would be far too stressful to fudge it. Besides, it isa crap profession for mothers.

Thinking of retraining in a financial field. Not sure how it will pan out

Twooter - were you in media?

What is your actual job Littlemissgreen?

I write database applications for a university, so that (for example) the students can enrol online rather than needing to come into the university, or make sure that student marks are calculated correctly to get the right degree result.

Gotcha - thanks.

Feeling a bit upset that whatever littlemissgreen wrote has been deleted as it seems to be relevant. I read this thread some days ago and was very interested in the advice op would get.
So was it relevant and helpful?

Sorry, I asked for it to be deleted as put stuff in that could easily identify me.
I'll rephrase it now!
I was a SAHP for 9 years, before I got a job last year. I have 3DSs, the elder 2 are autistic so I had to wait for them to be in school before I could reasonably conceive going back to work.

I did a degree but then started work immediately in the completely different field of computing. I had 3years experience before going on maternity leave with DS1.
After DS2 was born (as DS1 started school and we realised he was autistic) I knew that I would have problems getting back in the job market if I didn't go back to work soon.
So I started my own computing business working from home. Nothing high powered just enough that I could have relevant experience when I needed to get back to work. Webdesign, odd software programs people needed.
However working from home only shows good organisational skills not good people skills. So nearer the time I wanted to go back to work I started getting on committees e.g. playgroup committee. This also gave me people who would be able to write me references.
I was fortunate to find a part time evening job for a year which probably wasn't necessary career wise, but was a good boost for me to see that I could be employed again, and showed I did want to return to the job market proper, as oppposed to being self employed.
I then applied for a low paid job a year or so later (not low paid in the general scheme of things, but it was for a programmer). By proving my skills in the job I was then offered a pay rise. It was the 2nd job I applied for, the 1st I got down to the last 2 people.

So, my advice is to get yourself an end goal and take little steps to work towards it. I never did anything I didn't enjoy, but most of the time I was looking at the bigger picture. e.g. a lot of our local schools struggle to get a clerk for the governors - but doing that gives the headteacher/chair of governors as a referee.

Our local engineering society holds meetings where student members for example are always welcome, and they are really pleased when some turn up. Most members are local business owners so it is good for networking. I got my first job as a programmer simply as I met someone who owned a computing firm, I said I'd work for free for a couple of weeks to see if i could do it (I enjoyed programming in my free time).

Volunteering is a very good way to boost your experience, your CV and your confidence. There are lots of opportunities locally from admin. to school governors to name a couple. You could do something you have done before or try something new. Alternatively, If you have business expertise to offer why not use it to help not-for-profit organisations in your area. To find out more in Buckinghamshire please visit www.communityimpactbucks.org.uk/pages/get-involved.html for general volunteering and them move onto the Expert Volunteer page if you would like to offer your business skills.
If you live outside that county visit the Volunteer England website to see what's available near you.

I am about (next week) to go back to work after more than 9 years at home.

In that time I did continue with a one evening a week job in my field but it still felt really daunting.

As it stands I have gone for a job that is part time - very part time - in total with 2 jobs I will be doing 13 hours a week) but I am thinking in the long term. This will ease me back into working and get me back into thinking professionally while also bringing some much needed extra income into the house. In a few years (my youngest is 4 so I don;t want to be going full time for a few years yet....) I can step in up, then again when I am ready to go full time....