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Original poster

Terrified of the stress...being terrified is making me stressed!

23 replies

Treadmillmom · 12/01/2012 23:30

I've been working as a contractor for the past year 5 days, 9am - 3pm, dreamy hours. 3 DC aged 8, 6 & 3 and a DH.
When I roll in at 3.30pm with family in tow the kids are so demanding, missed me, hungry, tired, homework, play, dinner, shower, bedtime routine, you know the score.
My contracts coming to an end and today I was successfull at 1st stage interview for a role that has Treadmillmom written all over it, 5 days 9am - 5.30pm, this is good news.
I'm terrified though, not of the job but for me, arriving home with my family 6pm'ish when I guess all of the above emotions will be doubled but I'll have fewer hours to do all the stuff that needs doing.
3 year old just started pre school and she's such a whinner when we get home but I understand she only wants mummy.
Staying home is not a financial option.
How am I going to do it? My stomachs in knots.

OP posts:

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 09:32

Don't do it. It will be a nightmare.

Apply for full time jobs and ask for 9 to 3 (or whatever other hours you want). I've been asking for four days and have an interview lined up for a job that was advertised as full time.

It may take you a bit longer to find a job but keep the faith and one will come up.

Best of luck.

Original poster

Treadmillmom · 13/01/2012 10:25

Your response is very direct, have you personally experienced this? What hours did you work and how old were your children?

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 10:44

Who will be picking them up from school / preschool / looking after them? Can't they feed them and stuff?

Just thinking - when I worked and picked DD up at 6.30 I just took her home and changed her into night things and stuffed her in bed. BUT I only had one child and she was 2 and my parents had her after preschool so fed her etc. I don't really know what childminders / nurseries etc do

Original poster

Treadmillmom · 13/01/2012 13:57

Older children will go to after school club with a snack bag provided by me, sandwiches etc. 3 year old a pre school followed by private nursery, a snack is provided at 4pm. My children have a hearty appetite and those mid afternoon snacks would never keep them going till bedtime.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 14:00

Hmmm OK

Are you very keen on the job and it's the logistics putting you off? Because where there's a will there's a way and all that, I'm sure something can be worked out.

I understand that you need to work and in this climate holding out for something that fits better might never happen.

rookiemater · 13/01/2012 15:29

If you are offered the job Can you try asking for 4 days, or finish at 3.30 2 days a week ?
I think these days a week employers are more willing to experiment around reduced hours - particularly 4 days a week as it keeps costs down. It sounds as if you could be their ideal candidate so no harm in asking.

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 18:03

No, I don't have kids but I have applied and subsequently taken jobs that I secretly feared would be more demanding and longer hours than I really wanted. I ended up burnt out.

You have three kids and you are already saying that you don't stop from when you get in at 3.30pm. It's surprising what a difference two hours makes - more tired, commuting in rush hour and less time to do things at home. They all add up.

I'm sorry if you thought I was direct. I gave you my perspective. I thought that's what you wanted.

Original poster

Treadmillmom · 13/01/2012 21:09

bananafanana, I meant 'direct' as in specific, not rude. Blogs are like texts aren't they, tone does not translate.
I darent ask for reduced days/hours at the outset, perhaps when I've proved my worth. It's an account management role, so I would be the main contact point for a group of customers so in this role it is important that I am accessable within 'normal' working hours otherwise I'll be adding to another colleagues workload, regularly.
...saying that you don't stop from when you get in at 3.30pm. It's surprising what a difference two hours makes..., exactly.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 21:34

How much would it cost to pay someone to pick them all up from school, bring them home and feed them?

The older ones will be very tired with after school club every day - esp the 6yo very wearing.

How much would it cost to pay someone to pick them all up, feed them, sit the older one down to do homework? I bet there are people who would be happy to do that for you fairly inexpensively.

A CM would also be able to pick them up and give them supper and the older one somewhere to look at homework? The way you have it fixed is a lot of rushing around for you and understandably tired and hungry children. You need someone to "be you" between 3 and 6

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 21:35

Deleted some there by accident - for the little one going from preschool to nursery to home will be very wearing.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 13/01/2012 21:40

I see you have a DH - is he going to share the stress and work in the evenings?

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 21:43

How funny reading the Op I missed that bit and thought you were a single parent!

So pubegarden's question is a good one. What hours does he do - what will his role be in the new order if you get the job?

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 21:48

Oh right, ha ha!

Well... Yes, you could get the job then ask I suppose. I think that would be easier to do that with a contract job rather than a permanent one. You're really going to have to wait 6 months to a year before you ask that question though.

I would just be upfront and ask. Nothing worse than trying to shoehorn yourself into a role. Your inner voice sounds like it is already on overdrive. It's shouting at your for a reason!

If you lose those two hours every day, how much time are you going to have with your little one? I worked with a woman who's five year old used to go to her parents after school for a couple of hours and have dinner there. She then picked him up at 6pm, drove 45 minutes, got home, gave him a bath, read him a story and put him to bed at 7.30pm. I could never work out why she bothered to have him. Poor little mite!

Anyway, only you know what is best for you. There are jobs out there with shorter hours. You just need to bide your time until the right thing comes along.

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 22:00

bananafanana I was in a similar position to your friend and saw the days where my DD1 was fed and watered by my parents, and I just needed to take her home and to bed as easier days then when I was looking after her myself. And of course she loved it. Not all women are natural SAHP, lots of women enjoy work and find it more rewarding than looking after small children, not just monetarily.

Before I had children I sometimes had views like yours. Now I have them things are different. People don't know in advance what having children will mean for them, and how they will work things. Children are usually pretty happy as long as they are fed, warm, clean and loved.

You might wonder why someone like me "bothered" to have my child - I went on and had another one. You also overlook the fact that many children have two parents, and other close family, not just a Mother.

Anyway.

I am sure that the OP will read all the views, different as they are

teatimesthree · 13/01/2012 22:05

I agree that getting somebody to bring them all home, feed them, supervise homework, get the three year old in the bath etc. is what you need. You could get somebody to do 3-7, they could even overlap with you for a bit, do the washing up etc.

An au pair would be one possibility, or if you don't have room, you could advertise on gumtree.

I bet that would be less stressful that getting home at 3.30

Good luck!

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 22:09

teatimes yes I would have thought that someone would be able to do that for a pretty reasonable amount.

The current plan you have treadmillion would be exhausting. You need to think along different lines

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 22:13

True. I worked with her. She wasn't my friend and I never gave her my opinion on her parenting style because that was her choice and it was none of my business. We are all different.

However, my judgement is probably clouded because the only time I ever saw her son was when her parents dropped him off at the office one day. He sat on the sofa outside the President's office in his prep school uniform (little hat and shorts) quiet as a church mouse. He went over to her desk to ask her something and she barked at him to sit back on the sofa as 'Mummy was working'.

Children are adaptable, and yes, I agree there is nothing wrong with nursery, childminders, nannies and grannies looking after them. I do, however, sense that the OP has enjoyed balancing work with looking after her children. What I am trying to her is that she did it with her last job and she can probably do that again with her next job. There are some enlightened employers out there and it is not always necessary to do the full time treadmill...

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 22:16

Well no, that doesn't sound ideal, banana and sounds like my old boss when I felt like you did--

Funny isn't it, from Ops posts I sense that she sounds keen on the role and wants to do it

Just goes to show how words on a screen are coloured by our own wants, needs and experiences I guess

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 22:22

Definitely :)

I'm almost 41 and although I want children we haven't been successful - DH's fault I think! I do spend a lot of time on Mumsnet and it's obvious we all want different things. How dull would it be if we were all the same?!

Just wish I had the dilemma of trying to balance work and children... :(

SardineQueen · 13/01/2012 22:31

I am sorry that you are having difficulties TTC. I do think that people's situations colour their thinking - how could it not? I have suffered with anxiety / depression since my first pregnancy (only recently diagnosed) and having children has been the most difficult time of my life. So I miss my work, which I gave up as they would not consider part-time options. As you say - we all have our own experiences.

The question is - of course - what will be of most help to the OP!

And I do wish you well banana - I hope things work out for you and your DH

bananafanana · 13/01/2012 22:54

Oh Sardine, we are a pair!

The great thing about Mumsnet is that I don't look at having children through rose tinted spectacles like I probably did a few years ago. Until you have them, who can really anticipate how they affect your life? For us, I am thankful that we both earn quite well and actually have a wonderful relationship and very nice life.

My last company was male dominated (engineering) but they were surprisingly receptive to reduced hours/days if asked and paid full time salaries pro rata as opposed to all these stupid part-time 'parent friendly' jobs that pay two peanuts an hour. I realise now that sometimes you just have to ask (which is what I was trying to tell OP!).

Best of luck to you too, Sardine.

SardineQueen · 14/01/2012 09:36

Smum99 · 19/01/2012 12:48

I did do the full time job with 2 dc's and didn't manage to make it work, mostly because my DS wasn't happy, DD was ok. Most professional full time jobs are 40 hours a week plus a commute plus the extra hours that sometimes we all have to put in. That's a lot of childcare to manage for a child to cope with. An aupair for older children can work better as the dcs' are home and they can start to relax, maybe start homework but that does impact the rest of the household as you have someone else living there.

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