Feeling stuck...Nanny advice?

[MummySunshine]

Hi all,

I'm almost 31 wks now with a boy :) My pregnancy was extremely unexpected and unplanned, as I was told I wouldn't have kids. I'm 20, and at the time of finding out I was pregnant I was working as a live out nanny for 2 gorgeous children.

Short back story: I suffered horrendously from depression and anxiety through my teens, which means I never got any qualifications of any sort, but worked hard and luckily had a few jobs in childcare and nannying. My last position lasted a year and I got it through a gumtree ad, I was working cash in hand (and literally only just found out that that's illegal?!?!)

When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked but over the moon, and kept it from my employer until I was about 4 months. I'd planned to tell them at 3 but I was always quite intimidated by them and couldn't quite find the right time. Anyway, when I did tell them they said they were very happy for me, and we approached the subject of what we were going to need to do (as obviously, I would be leaving). I told them I hoped to work up until the last minute, but understood they would need to find a replacement and I'd be happy to help them with this. They agreed that they would need to find someone else, but said they were happy for me to work for as long as I felt comfortable for.

2 weeks later, I had to have 2 days off as I was suffering with EXTREME sickness, not even being able to keep water down. I'd never taken time off for pregnancy issues before this, and planned to return on the Monday although I was still exhausted and probably dehydrated. However, I received an email from my employer (the mother) saying that, since I'd been ill, perhaps we should end our working relationship there, and she had been planning to end things at the end of the month anyway. I was completely bewildered, but agreed..as what else could I do?

She then sent me emails demanding the wages she had given me back, as they were 'owed to her' since I had stopped working. I told her that actually, I will keep that money as my notice money, and that I regretted how things had ended. Her emails turned very hostile and included telling me I will be a bad mother. I was absolutely devastated, as the job has been very significant to me in terms of my recovery from all my past problems and gaining back control of my life. I'm still gutted it had to end in such a horrible way.

I've always been certain that I wanted a career in childcare and that's where I belonged, but this experience has made me doubt that. Does anyone have bad experiences of being a Nanny, and did it effect your career choices? I really needed the money, and now am forced to claim benefits which is NOT what I wanted to do.

I feel stuck as I have no qualifications or anything, so my CV is heavily reliant on references..and I have a feeling I won't be contacting them for one. But I don't wish to stay on benefits while I raise my child. I considered childminding as then I could keep my son with me too, but can the parents be equally as difficult in that situation?

Sorry for long post! Rant over now!

S

Am so sorry for your horrid experience - can I suggest you post this on child minders nannies thread too.
Do you have a contract?

Thanks Gigondas will do, we didn't have a contract so sadly I couldn't report her to anybody I don't think?!

And don't want to post and run but dd just home as I think the employer stuff (she is in the wrong as you are entitled to ante natal care , she is on shaky ground getting rid of you if is for pregnancy reasons and can't demand pay back unless there is something in your Contracr re sick pay but pregnancy related illness generally not sick pay). You need to think how you want this resolved - do you want cash, a reference or cut your losses and just focus on baby?

You need to focus on how far you have come - held down a job , focus on your babies and not think its a return to your difficult years. This maybe something it would help to talk through with someone - maybe your Gp or mw can help. There is nothing weak in this -I need(Ed) need someone to talk to as found pregnancy brought all sorts of issues up without having a horrendous employer .

And as a nanny employer am so sorry that this has happened to you - we arent all like that.

I'm really not sure where you stand given that you were working illegally without a contract...

I don't think not having a contract gets her off the hook- but someone wiser will be along soon.

The real question is what would you like the outcome to be? And then thinking about how you can achieve that . Do you want your pay, your reference etc . There are ways to get Back but may involve legal action. Has she been paying tax for you? As if not that is q heavy bargaining chip in your favour as onus (and penalties) fall on her to do that.

Bran puts more eloquently what I have. Also in absence of reference you could document now what your role and duty was for cv. It's not ideal not to have a reference but you aren't the first nanny (and sadly won't be last I suspect ) to have had issues with a bad employer . If you are genuine and keen it doesn't mean you wont get a job (and as bran says its not out of question to take your child to work too).

The employee isn't expected to supply a contract of employment, the employer is, and similarly the employer is expected to ensure that appropriate deductions are made and paid over to HMRC. The fact that they did neither doesn't mean the OP loses her employment rights.

OP your employer has broken the law all over the place, by not giving you a written statement or contract, by not paying tax and NI, and by sacking you for being pregnant. I imagine they also had no intention of paying maternity pay and holiday pay etc.

All nanny employers are not at all like this, but the fact that they wanted to do cash in hand is a strong indicator that they are unscrupulous and have no intention of treating a nanny employee fairly. If an employer wants this from the start avoid them like the plague.

OP I would suggest you get yourself down to the CAB and talk through your legal options in terms of sorting this out.

Thankyou all for your advice - I think I need to think about what it is I want out of this if anything, though I think even just recognition that I was treated unfairly is very important. After working for them for a year, including working out of hours when the kids were sick at very short notice, I was dismissed by email and didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye to the children. I'm not sure what I will do next, but thankyou all for your words as even hearing (or reading..) someone tell me that they were wrong is a big help for me!!

You are probably entitled to maternity pay so I think you should seriously consider pursuing that at least rather than being stuck claiming benefits.