Hand holding for first day back at work needed

[reastie]

Back from maternity leave tomorrow and have serious wobbles. I've been off for a year and a half as I was signed off in pregnancy for a prolonged time.

Feeling really nervous about returning for a number of reasons. I'm a teacher and all my classes have been rather questionably covered by a supply so I need to start from scratch/catch up alot with syllabuses; I've put on cough over 4 stone since students last saw me and I'm scared they will make fun of me and I'll cry (I have pnd); nervous about leaving dd whom I've never really left much for any time before; nervous about having the energy or stamina for work; worried about when I'll get anything done at home when I have to work (working 3 days a week but classes/baby activities etc taking up the other 2 mornings)...and worried about so much more.

It will be OK, won't it? Is it the worrying beforehand that's worse than the actual working? I used to love my job but feel my priorities have changed in that before my job was my life (well, apart from dh etc ) but now my job is just something I do...

I could have written your post... except that I'm not a teacher. I'm also back at work tomorrow and dreading it. DS is 10 and a half months and cries every time I leave him with the CM (although he is fine afterwards). The longest time I've ever left him with her is 3 hours. It breaks my heart thinking about it.

I'll work 4 days a week and a lot from home, so I know I'm lucky. However, my mind is so full of DS that I don't know how on earth I'll be able to focus on anything else. The thought that I won't be with him all day every day is so strange and so sad... also, he doesn't sleep through the night yet and I'm so shattered, how am I going to cope?

Sorry OP, as you can see no help at all, but I just wanted to say you're not alone. Everyone I spoke with said the anticipation is worse than the actual working, so here's hoping...

tootired in the nicest way possible (as obv I don't want you to be miserable too) I'm glad you're with me on everything. Let me know how it goes tomorrow if you can muster the energy . DD is 10.5 months too and the only thing that's helping me is DH is off for the next 2 weeks so at least I feel happier leaving her with him. I've never really left her for longer than 3 hours either. Last week I left her for 6 hours and I was desperate to see her when I got back (although she seemed fine with DH thank goodness ). Re: not sleeping through the night - that's my worry too. Luckily DD generally sleeps through but if I'm up in the night I can't function not going to work - no way can I get through a day at work (I'm a bit of a weed). Hope it goes well for you tomorrow

Well the first day back was easier than expected, I had a wobble when I left home but DS was happy at the CM (after some tears when DH dropped him off ). Knowing he was ok made the day bearable, although I was sad and missed him like crazy. Unfortunately, he decided mummy doesn?t need much sleep after all before her first day back, so I spent hours trying to settle him...hmm, who needs sleep anyway?

How about you reastie, how was it?

I am dreading going back in end of Feb too. I still have a bit of time to get myself used to the thought of it. I have started my keep-in-touch days as half day a week, which is 6 hours away from home and baby. I will see how this might help me returning to the real thing.

My son does not sleep through nights either, and my brain does not function properly as you can imagine. I have a client facing job, really scared of making stupid mistakes at work as I have been doing at home.... :((

Well, I'm not sure if it was better or worse than expected. I cried had something in my eye yesterday on the drive in to work but once I was there I was a little better. Today tbh I felt too busy to worry about dd and am starting to slot back where I used to be but am very rusty at teaching. I think I'm finding it a little easier as DH is home looking after `DD. This also really helps me as I can get ready in the morning on my own. Not sure how I'll manage to blow dry my hair etc with a baby around my heels . Just trying to take it day by day and hoping things go OK. I've noticed DD has been groping me for a bf when I come home from work - she never usually does this so I can but assume she's doing it for comfort as I've not been around

lwang I hope things go OK for you. How old is your LO?

Hi lwang, I hope the KIT days will help and they will be a settling in of sorts for you, I am finding I need to settle in as much as DS. Who will look after your DS? Do you have any support in RL with the night wakings? DH and I are taking turns, depending on who is busier the following day, although to be fair DS slept much better last night, only one waking at 1am and then in bed with us until 6, so not too bad.

I had a wobble yesterday though, I miss DS so much and realised we have 2 more days to go through before Friday ( I don't work Fridays). He was shattered and we put him to bed at 6.30, so I only had about an hour with him :(

Anyway, I'm trying to count my blessings, I only work Mon to Thu, I work from home a lot, we found a nice CM and DS seems to like her already... Reastie, it's lovely that you are BF-ing and DD has this lovely way of reconnecting with you. And yes, great that she is with your DH and you have no worry whatsoever about her being well looked after and loved. I completely understand why you are sad when she is groping you, but the fact that you are there certainly makes her feel secure.

Bring on the week-end then! :)

Well I had a bad day today . Too busy to worry much about dd just a hard day. There's so much to do that my alloted time at school doesn't cover (tis the life of a teacher I'm afraid). I stayed in an hour extra today longer than I need to and then 2 hours this afternoon at home. I still have tons to do and know I'll never get it done when I'm back at work on Friday. Feels like I'll spend my life dashing to get ready and to work, dashing about at work, dashing home from work (have family doing childcare so have to hurry back as they have lives ), dash to do the cleaning and cooking and try and do my work at any spare minute - I'm never going to enjoy DD without worry or stress (I'm a bit of an anxious person and can't switch off easily). Feel really down about it . Wrote a long message for here earlier but probably just as well for your boredom it got deleted.

Anyway, day off tomorrow then back on friday . tootired dd was up from 4 this morning - I'm shattered. One more day for you and it's a long week end - bliss

Reastie, here's a for you (well, maybe for tonight). It doesn't sound like fun, and I can relate as I'm also an anxious person. At the moment it's calm for me at work, but give it a few more days and it will all come crushing down, I know it.

No real advice I'm afraid, but would you have time to finish your work when your DD goes to bed? What time does she go down for the night? do you get any help with the cleaning and cooking? My standards were pretty low to start with but I had to lower even more since I had DS.

What really helps me is cooking in bulk on Sunday and freezing food, it saves loads of time.

I'm sure you already know all this, so sorry for going on and on... I hope yesterday was "just" a bad day and you'll have less and less as you settle down again. No idea what it means to be a teacher, maybe someone else who has more experience will come along or you can start a new thread?

Thanks tootired . I may post on the going back to work to see if other teachers have this problem and if there are any solutions that can help me. Day off today and I've spent at least an hour of it working again . Well, it's a nice long week end for you now . I had a nice day off today although spent the whole time feeling sad I'd have to go to work tomorrow and feel like crying now as I don't want to go so much. I know once I'm there I'll probably be OK so that's what I keep telling myself. It feels like nothing has changed at work and I'm slotting back sort of as I was (which is good) but at the same time everything has changed and I feel like a different person . I have batch cooked but our family diets are all over the place as I have a restricted diet due to gluten intolerance and DH and I are both veggie but DD is none of the above, so usually I end out making 3 different meals for everyone! I have a slow cooker which is great but haven't had time to get it on before work yet. DH is helping out alot now he's off work this week but I'm still comign home and cooking and then clearing and cleaning the kitchen . Thing with working in the evening is my brain will not work - anything beyond about 7pm and there's no point - it makes me not sleep well as my brain is too busy from working in the evening and I'm quite a sensitive soul and tend to get IBS easily if I do much brain work in evenings. I sound a bit pathetic there don't I . It's just I know from experience I need to at least try to relax in the evenings or I can't get through the days. DD goes to bed anything from 7:30 (unusual!) to after 9, usually between the 2. Tbh I'm usually in bed before 10 I'm so shattered to not much time to myself!
Ho hum,,,,,onwards and upwards. Here's hoping tomorrow is brighter. Keep me updated with how you go.

I hope you're feeling better reastie. I had a (very) quick look at your other thread and it's been a bit of an eye opener, I had no idea teachers have so much extra work to do... My job certainly has moments (weeks and weeks) when it seems to spiral out of control and the stress is horrible, but there are also weeks when it's relatively calm (i.e. still a lot to do but with less pressure).

I had a very sad day yesterday and missed DS like crazy, but when I got home he was so chilled with DH (who had picked him up earlier), he didn't even rush to me, as he usually does. I'm very happy he is settling in ok, but I started to wonder if he will end up preferring his CM :(

Anyway, overall it's not too bad, although I worry now that his routine is slowly going out of the window (it's a very flexible one, but he is thriving on it so I really want to stick to it as much as possible). But I think it's normal, it's only been a week, so I'll wait and see. I don't do "wait and see" very well though.

Hi tootired just seen this. I'm glad work is generally going OK but for you missing DS. Your DS will never prefer your cm to you. If he's settling in well that's really good for him as he'll be happy and get to do all sorts of things to tire him out with her, but he will always want him mummy . I understand what you mean though - DD hass definitely got more daddyish in the last 2 weeks, which is nice for them but I feel a bit (and also a bit bad that I feel like that)

Maybe I shouldn't admit it but I'm too busy at work to miss dd much, it's just having too much work on which is making me upset. I had a rough day yesterday just after all the stress of work and what to do with my life (feeling down and tired). I either stick with it knowing that in a few years things should be a little easier with dd at nursery/school, give up completely, or give up my current job in the hope for slightly different and less stressful work in the school but not knowing if I'll get it or not until after I've handed in my notice . I have no idea what to do for the best. I'm also desperate to get back to the gym - I'm v unfit and have gone up 3 dress sizes since pre preg - the gym used to be my destresser and I really feel like I need to to get back on the wagon and do something for me - but to do this I need to either give up work or try the other job in the school to fit it in. DH ha been off the past 2 weeks but is back tomorrow so I'll be on my own getting dd ready/trying to cook etc with her around and I'm dreading it - if the last 2 weeks were stressful this is going to go to a whole new level

I hate wait and see too btw - everyone keeps saying that to me re: what to do with work but I hate not knowing - so long as I know what I'm doing and what's happening I feel alot more contented.