Need Childcare Advice - Work Moving Goalposts

[LouisaJF]

I'm currently 24 weeks, so no bambino yet, but we are trying to plan ahead. In my job I am able to work from home a lot, and my employers are very flexible and understanding. When I got pregnant I asked if it was possible to take a very short maternity leave and work from home full time after that. They said this was fine, and confirmed that again a couple of months ago when I double checked, but I never got them to put it in writing. They have now decided that this is not suitable, and want me to work in the office three days a week when I come back, and 2 days at home.

I am taking 6 weeks maternity leave (can't really afford more) and then 6 weeks full time work at home. After this point I must come back into the office part time. I can ask grandma to babysit 1 or 2 days a week, but I cannot ask for more.

My question (eventually) is what are your experiences of putting a 3 month old into childcare for possibly one day a week? Is this practical, and what sort of options are available? I know that costs will vary, but can anyone give me a rough ball park of what I should expect this to cost?

It's not what I want to do, and I am still trying to negotiate, but I need to be prepared for all eventualities. I would really appreciate any advice or experiences.

6 weeks is bloomin short - have you looked into wheather you'll be able to get child tax credits/ working tax credits?

i get £500 a month maternity allowance (basically smp) and then £400 a month in tax credits!

You won't be able to look after a 3mo and working from home at the same time. It's hard work in the sense they need after bit of your attention.

I would not put a 3mo into a nursery. The children in the baby room are generally 9mo or older because that's when your SMP runs out. My DD went in at 7mo. The babies in her room are very boistrous, running/crawling around, trampling over things a lot. At least she was sitting up unaided at that point! I think I'd be very worried if she was lying on the floor helpless .

A nanny would be more suitable for someone so young. But they are expensive.

Like MotherPanda says, you do get £500 a month in SMP at least. Childcare isn't cheap. A nursery is nearly £1000 a month. So if you can bring home more than childcare + SMP, I think you should start saving like mad now. Because you should be able to afford maybe 6mo or more if you cut everything back. If you take home a lot more than childcare + SMP, then hire a nanny won't be a problem for you. If you earn not much, then I don't know if you can afford to work either.

Just noticed you are talking about part time. Not sure if you'll find a one day nanny. But I still won't put a 3mo into a nursery for one day! By the way, look on the nursery board and you'll see they get lurges galore on joining. 3mo is far too young to have bronchiolitis and D&V thrown on them.

You can't work full tme with a six week baby even if it is at home
You've only got one pair of hands
How will you feed & rock to sleep all day & work?!

Nurseries do take babies from three months and will keep them separate from crawling babies so don't worry about that
There are issues about feeding though
Are you going to bf? If so you'll have to find time to express & get your baby used to bottles very early on

Right first of all, you may find it reassuring to know that back in the day (and I'm not talking dark ages, just 17/18 years ago) this is what we all did. Maternity leave was 3 months paid, and some people took another 3 months unpaid, but as this was in the days of sky high mortgage rates many families could only afford the 3 months. I returned part time when dc was 12 weeks and my friends did likewise

I would second the idea of a childminder. My kids went to a fabulous nursery when they were about 18 months up but a cm environment is perhaps better for most small babies

The biggest advantage of returning at this point (and don't underestimate this) is that your baby will settle far more easily than if they aren't left until 9 months or a year. Separation anxiety develops around 8 months up, and I've noticed that colleagues having babies now seem to have far more difficulty with settling their children in childcare than I did.

So it's not all doom and gloom. Good organisation will be key, especially it you're fully breastfeeding(perfectly compatible with returning to work btw- I did early morning and evening feeds and expressed milk for day time).

Ps - I also think you may be very glad long term of the fact that you need to be office based a few times a week

Working from home may seem very attractive, and no doubt is when it's part time, but personally I would imagine full time work from home could become quite isolating.

I'd go for a childminder for a 3 month old. Nurseries are great when they're 2y+ but not so great for babies in my experience. If you are able to be flexible about which day(s) it is for the childminder, then you may well be able to find one without too much difficulty. Social services can give you a list of local ones I think - or ask around locally if you know any mums.

Agree that working from home whilst looking after a baby doesn't work well on a regular basis. You might get an hour or two a day whilst they sleep at best - other than that they'll be needing your attention (feeding, changing, carrying around, entertaining, etc really do take up enourmous numbers of hours a day). Also, if you need to make work phone calls, the baby will not be quiet when you need it to. I'd suggest looking for a childminder for all of the days that you plan to be working, or see if you can go part time to give you some proper time at home with the baby.

Oh yes - meant to add you will need childcare in Place for all your work days whether office or home - it would be impossible to get the job done while simultaneously caring for a child. Any decent employer will ensure that you have areangements in place anyway for working from home days

I think you are in for a huge shock if you think you can work full time and look after a baby at home. Looking after a baby IS a full time job ask any nanny or childminder.

I don't think I got showered and dressed before 12 when I had a 6 week old.

I don't think your work are moving the goal posts at all. Perhaps you didnt make it clear to them at the time that you had no childcare in place, but they have now realised and need to resolve the issue.

Obviously I don't know what your job is but it isnt going to work unless your are freelance or self employed or if its something that may be done piecemeal and not at set hours of the day or isn't reliant on others then it may be possible to spread a 7 hour day over 12 or do your work in the evenings or weekends if you have a partner to look after the baby. Otherwise it's not really possible.

In my job if I was asked by someone in your position to work from home I would not support it unless they had firm childcare arrangements in place.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

My dd went to nursery at 5 months and was cared for fantastically there was also a 7 week old baby in there which I thought was harsh but if needs must.. You do what you need to do and don't listen to everyone else.. Not everyone is in the same situations... Good luck x

in 1997 when my son was born you only got 14 weeks paid mat leave and that included the time you took before the baby was born. I took an additional period of unpaid mat leave and went back when he was 4 months old. It was hard

I wanted him to be in a home environment and found a lovely child minder. She had him till he was 3.5 and then he went to a day nursery full time till school.

Leaving him the first few weeks was hard and i worried about damaging him by leaving him with others when he should have been with his mum. However, it gets easier and he has turned into a lovely, clever, confident teenager.

Youve got to go with your gut over what you feel is the best place to look after your baby.

Good luck with it all

It's not absolutely clear from your post whether you were planning on having any childcare in place (or perhaps only part-time care) when you were working from home. If you were planning on working AND looking after the baby, I'm not surprised your work have decided that you need to be office-based part of the week. It's the only way they'll get any work out of you!

Until you actually have a child, you can't imagine how time-consuming it is, how the best-laid plans fall away, and how impossible it is to concentrate on anything else for any period of time. The early days of endless feeding and sleeplessness pass fairly quickly but then it becomes, if anything, more difficult to work around a crawling toddler who is into everything.

The only possibility of working from home and really "working" is to have childcare in place or being able to do some work when your partner is around to look after the baby.

I work in a nursery and we have had babies from a few weeks old, so you will not be the first to do this. From the points made above I would like to add my own.
Younger babies do settle into a nursery easier than older babies because they have not developed any separation anxiety yet. Although, saying that, some babies do take longer to settle if they are only doing one day a week. Have you considered putting baby in when you are working from home too as well as when you are working at the office?
Non-mobile babies are not left to lie on the floor to be trampled by the older babies. If anything, they are fussed over by the staff and will probably be cuddled all day.
Children in nurseries do tend to catch everything that is going at first, as they build up their immune system, but that also applies to any child whatever their age when they start nursery. It also applies to the staff too.
I do agree with the posters that say you have underestimated how time-consuming looking after a small baby is- you simply will not be able to work from home and care for a small baby too. You will need either a nanny or to put your baby in the care of a childminder or a nursery.